no longer happy but depressed

you look at me, and you speak of how happy you are now. you speak of the fact you are content with your life. you have a great job, a great boyfriend, pretty good kids, no money problems, and probably a million other things. you are never sad. i have a smile on my face as you tell me this. you think that i am happy too. but mom, i really am not. not happy. dont get me wrong i have a good life, but that does not mean that i am TRUELY happy like you are. you think that i am one of the happiest teens to live on this god forsaken planet but i am not. i constantly think about how my life could be different. i dream of what i could be. you dont know me like you used to. i used to tell you everything. recently i have not. i hide things from you. you dont know what i think about. you never will. you will never read read this. you will never understand me. my has been flipped upside down. i have lost much of my hope. i am depressed almost constantly but i hide it behind i veil happyness and high self esteem. i hate where we live, where we spend much of our time, (at your boyfriends house) i hate that my boyfriend and i do not speak much because he does not live at home, i hate that you dont like him, i hate my school, i hate my school mates, they are such preps. i am not a happy little goth girl. i am not goth at all some just think i am. everyone thinks that i am happy. the truth of the matter is: i am no longer happy but depressed