No-one Ever Notices

Sometimes I actually believe that no-one around me understands anything, its like i have to sit on some fucking pedestal and listen to a bunch of assholes talk shit and tell me i need to get better through a pill…..fuck them im not taking their goddamn miracle drugs to fuck me up even more.

On top of it all my mother blatantly refuses to believe im not like the other “perfect children”, im sick and she doesnt want to think that. My father thinks im in a permanent mood and itll pass….. It’ll never pass as long as my heart still beats. For a while they succeeded in brainwashing me into believing, making me think that i had some life threatening disease, its life threatening but i dont fall for their tricks anymore. Im sick of being told to get better, cheer up, look on the bright side…..ill say just now, fuck every person who has ever breathed those words to me cos it just goes to show they dont understand. I dont enjoy being drugged up by a bunch of quacks i can do that perfectly well myself. The drugs helped…..helped me to feel seperated from my friends and kill off the side of me they all know. Just now im caught between a rock and a hard place, most of my friends know i post under this name so those that read these articles are sometimes surprised because they never saw this side of me, which only proves they never paid enough attention. I had a day not too long ago when i was suicidal on the brink of extinctionand not a single person noticed until i poured my heart into harsh words that brought tears to my eyes. Im just sick of being misunderstood and offered words of advice by people who dont have a fucking clue what they’re talking about. Sorry its been so long since i last posted, i was chemically numbed into a slumber of false happiness but…..im back.

By downwardspiral

Birth,life....awaiting death

3 comments

  1. What confuses me.. “Drugs are bad.” then they go..
    Here, take this drug twice a day and you’ll have artificial happiness as long as you keep it up.

    What.. the..fuck. Haven’t been to the doctor in over three years and I don’t want to go. I know I’m depressed and I have serious issues but I won’t let you put me on happy pills damn it.

    Friends won’t know anything unless you tell them how you feel. You can cry yourself to sleep every night and they will never know unless you say something. Friends are the best things you can have in life. Don’t hide from them.

  2. True, but there are a few things to contradict that. Anyway, Intoxication is right, they WON’T know unless you tell them, but i can understand, Laurie, if you’ve let out obvious signs and they don’t pick up. That’s cause sometimes they’re preoccupied in something else. Or sometimes they’re just BLIND. That hurts, and it makes you feel so small and insignificant. Friends ar complicated creatures, but not as complicated as we.
    Drugs are weird….i can get as stoned as i want in front of my mother with coctails of pills, as long as i’ve got a little piece of paper with the doc’s signature on it. Stupid. Those drugs raise or lower your blood pressure to dangerous levels, fade your memory, numb you, and sometimes they go horribly wrong and cause you to go off the edge and really fuck yourself up. Fuck all that. Some are good for short periods to get your head straight, but it’s not hard to get hooked.
    And PROZAC, Laurie! Jesus….my mom looked like a wriggling worm whenever she ran out of hers….”gotta refill, gotta refill, gotta refill” Sad. i know you don’t want to be a worm, and you won’t become one.
    i’m glad you’re back. We all are.

  3. I’m on pills myself. What you told;
    “The drugs helped…..helped me to feel seperated from my friends and kill off the side of me they all know.” I definetly understand that.

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