its thursday and i don’t know if its that i haven’t taken my medicine for 2 weeks or that things do in fact are actually bad. i just wish i was happy. i don’t want want the things that would make me truly happy because i as grow i see that they are not what they appear or and different than than i had hoped or dreamed.
i wish what i had made me happy. if you were only the person i wanted i would know who i wanted. i wish i was a better person. people are better than me. as a kid i was afraid of everyone i always had my blinds closed. but i grew up and saw that no one is out to get me. its not that i am not important or worthy of a conspiracy. i just see that people are to stupid to really care. no one i after me. then why am i scared? i am sad of loss. i am sad for no reason at all. if i lost everything i wouldn’t care. its so late now i just wish i was somewhere else. anywhere. with someone i truly cared about and loved. but as i see people i see i don’t love anyone. no one makes me happy i hate people so much but i want to be with them all the time. why do you make fun of me? i will tell you ifs because i hate you i truly hate you and want you to die. if you would just stop being you and be me i wouldn’t make fun of you and how stupid you little actions are. why do americans buy so much shit to fill their homes with? i love people sometimes i guess. like the times i don’t say anything. i like looking at you and your greatness. humans are so funny and special. we just don’t get so much and all we do is socialize. the stupid ness the love the hate is why i like us. but then there are the times i really would like to kill someone i never would not because it such a tarible thing to do but because of consequences other humans would force on me. a bat could greatly deform a skull i think. its fun to hate people because they are different but not fun to be hated because your different. people are capable of such great things but some dumb ass always messes things up. i am guilty but for some reason i feel that my actions have no result. sometimes i feel like the only one who doesn’t hate me or is after me is the water. religion, government, education, marriage, hope, jesus, artist, the marines are all after well could be after your money. water cleans you. our dirty body that you willingly pollute and kill sometimes. water is clear. i love the rain i wish i didn’t care what you or anyone thought but i do. the reason because i hate people and people hate me. it is friday.