november rain

so many things about her I never knew
she doesn’t understand that
that I wish she had told me those little secrets
but it’s too late now and the pages are already ashes

I can’t find them to bury under the big tree
in his yard, in his woods, where she cried to me
why couldn’t they all see it?
that she was screaming and dying inside
crying for everyone and no one
but it’s too late now
and in this endless midnight I’m trying to find her
before she goes away forever
I can’t be there always
she thought she was failing but we’re the ones who failed her
everyone thought she only wanted something to cry about
everyone told her she wasn’t worth it and now she’s all out
of fuel, and I never thought she’d be six feet under
I asked them for her ashes but they were never mine to take
she never believed how much I loved her
always thought she was just invisible, watching
from a corner in the room while everyone else played hide-and-seek
while everyone else played their stupid games
I think I was the only one who ever really knew
she did her job of shocking them just like that other man did
that man she never saw but knew better than me
everything else is so numb and hazy
it was only real when she was here
I can’t believe I could have been the only one
the only one afraid my angela would go
I should have taken the pills before she sank so low
if she ever wakes up I’m the only one who knows I loved her
and the only thing to comfort us is ourselves
I’ll find her someday, buried low and deep in the leaves
in his woods just like I was afraid that night
in a warm november rain
it was the last time I saw her, seems like years
I tried to cry but I had no tears
because mine and his had drowned her
first in her bathroom and then she wandered
somewhere she shouldn’t have been
I hate him for untying the last thread of sanity
I hate him for breaking her
I hate him for breaking himself
and it was the last time I saw her, in a warm november rain
the only one afraid my for my angela
I’ll find her again someday