i wrote this the other night when i couldnt sleep and i was reluctant about posting it, but someone – you know who u are – convinced me to.
I have this recurring dream that worries me slightly. in it, im sitting on te edge of a bathtub with a razor blade in my hand. my skin glistens with moisture from the bath, slowly i draw the blade cross my thigh, again and again.

then my stomach and arms, i watch the blood surface each time before moving on. it drips into the bath making pink swirls in the water.
i watch the pinkness spread…. slowly i raise my arm.i use the blade one last time, it falls to the floor. my arm lags limply on my lap now.
i look into the water again. endlessly fascinated by the the blood…and the curious lack of pain…

the thing that disturbs me about this dream is that i have no particular desire to harm myself. sometimes i wonder what it would be like, but i have never actually done it nor think i ever shall so i dont know where this comes from. im not sure why i wrote it down but i feel better for having done it.