i walk around my high school and i see so many faces from my past. i was so different back then, more happy, more popular i guess. i had so many friends back then, and we’re all grown up, only i grew up quicker, and i became darker, while they stayed the same. they’re still popular, still ”preppy”, while i would not be considered one of them. these people.
i grew up with them, played with them, went to their houses after school, and now they wont talk to me in the halls. i wave, and they look the other way. i’m an embarassment to them. heaven forbid their other friends who never knew me should find out they talk to me. especially HIM. we were inseperable. he was my brother, i was his sister. he would swear he’d protect me. he was my first crush, although i never really wanted it to go beyond that.he hasnt changed a bit. only i have. and now i scare him. we still talk, only we talk through the annonymity of being online, instead of face to face. he hears what i do and what i’ve done, and shakes his head and is scared for me. to him i am not his old best friend. i am some freak who deserves pity. he doesnt see that its still me, that i still love him and wish he could protect me from my bullies.
Change is never easy, but the road is fruitful in the end, far more than those who have stayed the same. One day they will ask of themselves, ‘what have I done in life’ and find that they have in reality done nothing at all except keep their status quo.
Keep being yourself, mistress faruzah. Some people change slowly. I was much like you once, still am in some way, different from others around me, some resent me . . . just ignore the bullies if you can or just keep out of there way and not be there for them if you can. Few understand, but those that do will be worth having round, no matter how short or long a time thay are there, it is their value rather than the amout of stay.
ah, but what if my bullies are not others, but myself?
I agree with Voltarrens. I know how you feel. But just be yourself… It may hurt knowing that your different and knowing that you’ve lost some friends because of it… But it’s their problem. Theyre the ones to afraid too accept the real you. And if they were true friends, theyd love you just as you are – no matter what. Voltarrens is right again: one day maybe they will ask themselves what they could have done in their life. Hopefully, the will have grown wiser and smart enough to realize that they fucked up and missed out on being friends with a great person, and that their ‘status quo’ in the end isnt important and its not what counts. it kinda sounds like u havent even accepted YOU. and as for your love; if u think hes worth it, and u if really love him… u have to help him see that ur the same person he remembers – despite the shit.
best of luck to u.
-mer
oh grow up will ya? fuck, it’s not like high school is being grown up. i’m only in college and i’m not fucking grown up. nothing in high school counts. you can’t find yourself in high school, you cant’ be sure of shit in high school. it’s a transition into a jello-mold for you to BEGIN to set into. but you can change, so can your plasticy peers. none of this will amter once you get out of your hometown and into the real world. you will realize that life sin’t as sucky as high school. at my college, i can be and not have to think about how different i am from the rest of the world. i don’t know where this is going……….
life is hard, so deal or it’ll smash you underfoot.
eh? Could have fooled me! I’m far older than you might imagine, sure I’m at University now studying, still see the same attitude that I did at high school and that’s 20 years distant. I still don’t fit in most places…okay…
perhaps i misjudged you for a weaker person, mistress. i had similar troubles in high school. but i was never really friends with the people that neglected me in high school. see, i never quite fit in, and as i got older, i went farther and farther away from them. but the fact that we were all the same age, and spent a third of our lives in the same place, we could relate in a lot of areas. granted, those areas were generally quite superficial, yet they were at least a starting point.
don’t sell yourself out, but don’t turn your back on those who have abused you. they may not even realize it when they do.
“live in a whole but stay close to my kind.”
“don’t let the world bring you down. not everyone here is that fucked up and col. remember why you came, and while you’re alive experience the warmth before you grow old.”