Pain in caring

What was it i did? Fuck them, they are just trying to rub my loneliness in my face to no avail of course. My only friend decides to make new friends since we have been apart for so long. it is so painful to watch her move on but it is best for her.

What was it i did? Fuck them, they are just trying to rub my loneliness in my face to no avail of course. My only friend decides to make new friends since we have been apart for so long. it is so painful to watch her move on but it is best for her. she introduced me to her friend… he seemed nice as opposed to what i am. for a brief instant he looked in my eyes, he knew i wanted to kill something… not him maybe, but so many that make my skin itch. the last of my humanity drains away and all i can do is wave and day go buy i cannot stand humanity… more and more i find comfort in myself by myself. i am the pathetic human that deserves to die, i am your rapist born of your hate. will you indulge me by hating me more? i find it an honor. and so i must live with the thought of my only friend leaving me forever… i waved good bye and gave her best of wishes and meant it but now its time to twist and take form now that i have no one to stop me. it looks like i just typed my own confession… no matter since there is no evidence and i realy do not care of the consequences, i will just slit my throat if it comes down to it to make room for better people. for all the love and caring i showed in return i recieved pain and malice. why can i not see? am i so blind? or is this the way the world is… me hating it though it is filled with so much love i cannot find an ounce of it. i see now that my peaceful approach was getting nowhere… now i will have my fun. words have no meaning when there is no one to listen to them and so maybe my words will just die with me. who will indulge me by criticizing me and proving right how ignorant people can be?
Some people are just meant to be alone… that is all.


I have led a life o f violence... but now i am at peace... others question but i am sure...ask a question and i will answer and i never lie.


  1. People are animals. Insignificant rats with no spine. Word? Words done mean a shit to them, these days, its all about how much of green stuff you have!

    Here you are amoung friends, we know how to listen, because we are ignored too… Some of us fucked up a litle bit more. Some yet less… But we ALL are fucked up. Or we would no be here!

  2. ahh… MeanEYE’s comment makes me laugh. if humans are animals, does that make me a sub-animal… i always felt like i am just sub human. less-than-human… more pathetic than a human… weaker than a human… less intelligent than a human… worthless… i suppose that is why i feel so disposable. friends?
    i think you have taken the word out of context… but it does help to know there are people more fucked up than i. still your comment made me laugh a little in the inside or maybe that was bile rising… it does not matter.

  3. less than human, yaro? you think that you are less intelligent and more pathetic than others? pathetic you may be, stupid you may be, i don’t know you so i could not say but being stupid is not a crime lots of people are being pathetic only means you see the world for what it is and cannot take it were the so called ‘normal’ people to see the world as you do they would be no less pathetic. you are what society has made you nothing more nothing less, everyone is what society makes them and they are human.

  4. Twisted, your last comment can be called truth, but never an EXCUSE, yes we are moulded BY DEFAULT, by our surrounding society, but who do you think moulded them? Birth into a diseased world, simply means we have become hosts of this bug, to spread its illness. Jump back from generation to generation, until you reach the beginning, then point the finger at the creator of this vulnruble species, or more importantly at the great tempter, the one who fed us the infected apple. What ever your view don’t ignore that the society who moulded us, was moulded by ITS predecessors.

    And to YARO,
    I loved that piece, I felt inticed and connected with it, keep up the spilling of your guts as long as you can manage it, because it does not go unrecognized and un appreciated.


  5. Have you ever thought, YARO, that your view of yourself may just be clouded by those “normal” people around yourself? That is how they see themselves, as normal, and those that are like us are considered “weird” and “fucked up”. Maybe we are weird, maybe we are fucked up… is there really anything wrong with that? Would you choose to be a mindless being like the normals, always tied down by the constraints laid upon you by the rest of society? I, for one, would not.

    And by the way, excellent piece of writing.

    -=[In darkness we reign]=-

  6. i was not forgetting the fact that society has molded those around us who in turn have made us what we are i just pointing it out and saying it does not make you any less human, and tears is right yaro, keep saying what you feel because it does not go unnoticed

  7. society molds? not me… it was all me, i am the one who made myself feel like nothing. running around tripping violent situations just for the fuck of it… it was all my fault and every time i felt my personality slipping i had people to remind me that i do not belong… any where. so frail and so weak i had only so many ways to defend myself… people prey on weakness. i suppose in the end it did not matter because i came out alive and so i have to put up with the idea that tomorrow is another day. i made myself the way i am and i believe i am at comfort where i am everything else i am sure will take meaning as time passes.

  8. We’re as human as humans can be, You can’t ever be anything else.. sadly.
    Your every action, whatever it is, is human, since you’re human..
    You can despise the human race or “the normal” people, but still that disgust is still just an aspect of beeing human…

  9. Yaro,

    I laugh at the line “society molds? not me” when you where in the fetal state or maybe untill you were 2 years of age, you were being pacively and probably accidently moulded into a mind that is willing to draw hate towards themselves, a person who is happy at the thought of being a freak, like me, but don’t be so niave as to claim from the instant you were concieved you were “fucked up”. Society does not mould me, but at one stage in my short existance my psyche was, lets say “influenced” by the surroundings in which i live. I did not call you a tool, a cattle in the heard, a ball of putty to be moulded, I am similair to you in the fact that something or somethings in our early development spark abnormal thought pattern changes which have rendered us individuals who don’t seek and strive for social acceptance.

    So YARO, the point I am trying to make, is at one point or another, you were affected by others, moulded if you may. Please read everything I say, don’t just just skim me over, because your missing my point.

  10. it seems you do not know half the story but i am willing to go along with you to see what you say. in a way you are right. see as a child my parents paid no attention to me and left me alone for long periods of time. most of the time i spent alone for the first four years of my life… i had no friends and i was seldom ever nurtured. i never had anything to cry about, laugh about, be sad about… because i had no interaction. i was a blank slate for four years. did not speak a word until i was five because my parents never even to taught me how to. i learned to walk by myself (they told me they just saw me walking by myself one day).i did not get enrolled to school because parents were anti-school, but i did not know anything about it so it did not matter. i never said i was fucked-up from conception(did you get the wrong idea?) but maybe mommy did not breast feed me when i needed, hell i do not know since i was too young to remember. though i do remember that i was really a grey person… no interactivity… i had to learn things by myself by magazines i found in dumpsters. later i found major solace when i got old enough to walk myself to the library… there i self learned for a good while… there is where i shaped my persona. ( but i see now… since you tried to make it a point that society molded me or rather anti-society is what forced my hand). later i found out that i can enroll myself into school … by myself. my parents did not even care where i was from 7 to 5… i would come home steel something from their fridge and go leave to the library. did not ever make a friend until i was 7(i think…) i was never angry at my parents or anyone for that matter and i felt quite comfortable being alone but the interaction on my part is so i could blend into society(pretend to be normal… you know?), which i admit trying to be normal is impossible especially if you are not. i did not skim over your comments and i believe i have already admitted to my idiocy and ignorance in my article. and how dare you call me naive… now i see there is a bigger fuckin idiot than i out there( to call me naive not knowing who i am is an idiotic thing to do in itself). however i revel in it and thank you for making my day… that is all

  11. wow yaro that was beautiful and im not you but i understand what you mean i hope that she doesnt leave me but whos to stop her. i just wanted to stop by and give you a congrats that was just great…sabrocks.

  12. you find solace in your own way. it brings you conformt to be alone, some strive to be accepted into what society claims normality. its conformity but it seems you dont. a beautiful peace of writing from you minds view and what you think. i see your point in a way and it clashes on some edges with mine. people do influence us but we can always chose how much they do. if we all agreed with societys terms than it would just be another close minded gov manufactured generation.
    still a wonderful view and piece. we did enjoy it…014

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