Past Present and Future

Myself, me
the only survivor of my past
a solitary black orb
black yet colorless
spreading my bloody wings
scarred and bruised as they are
then drawing them back
retracing my steps
like a bad salsa dance repeated
a roseo f black petals
blooming to let the corrosive rain drip in
an explosive volcanic rock
waiting to erupt
my temper seems to me
for when it erupts it is like a praying mantis
waiting to catch his prey
it springs out unexpectedly
feeding of the death of another
i wish i could weep
like the weeping willow on a sultry summer day
i must replace the emotion
emotion is weakness
if i show weakness i will be devoured
by the pain that ceases to leave
Pain, it is such a vague word
let me elaborate
my life was like a forest fire in my mind
it burned every shred ofhope away
life was like a stereotypical vampire
bleeding my heart dry until i felt no more
abuse of a soul, among other things and people
long days of sitting
continuously solitary
watching the shadows fall
teh shadows of my darkened soul
concealing my desperation
the lack of boundaries
the freedom of a child with no rules
i tasted the freedom
and sraight from freedom to confinement
changes leading to loathing
for the person who put me here
mother father grandmother god
none of these and yet all of these put me here together
doubting faith, doubting love
believing in nothing
my life story still not come full circle
shifting like the grains of sand
in a vast desert of death and life
unknown to me as to the future
unable to look away
away from the past long enough
to see the posibilites ahead of me
the vagueness of the word pain
it describes my future
i am unable to look away from my past
long enough to see what lies ahead
will i be living
not any way to be sure
so i still look back
to the days when i did not know
of the vagueness of my soul