Quality Time

I’m sitting here and I got Dominic sat by me. He’s just
staring into space.

And every time I ask him what he’s
thinking about he says ‘you’ with this gorgeous gorgeous
smile. But he won’t explain what exactly’s going on in his
head. And that’s fine because if it’s important he’ll tell
me. Or show me.

Every once in a while he’ll look at what I’m typing and
he’ll laugh or smile, or just tell me I’m being sappy. But
he says it with such a sparkle in his eyes that that’s okay
too. Then we go silent again. Have you ever just felt …
comfortable with someone? Like there’s no real need to fill
up the silence with meaningless words?

I know Dom’s as sappy as I am, I’ve caught him on the phone
with his dad, and his voice goes soft sometimes when he
mentions me. You can tell he’s smiling even if you can’t
see his face, and it gives me a rush.

A friend mentioned tonight what it’s like for your
relationship to not be accpeted by society. Mostly the
world looks down on us, because we’re both male. But D …
he never lets the world tell him how to feel. I’m not
ashamed of how much I love him – I’m NOT – but sometimes
it’s easier for me to not rub it in people’s faces. Dom
hates hiding – I hate the decpetion too, but he says it
kills him to have to pretend he doesn’t love me.

D is so mercurial. Sometimes he will go from laughter to
anger so quickly it makes your head spin. But in all his
changes, he has one constant. He’ll never deny how much we
mean to each other.

Dominic always acts as if he’s making a point – if somebody
stares at us for holding hands or something daft in public,
he’ll kiss me – seriously kiss me. He says it’s just to
give them something real to look at.

I have to admit, it does give me some sort of satisfaction
when people know that we’ve noticed them looking. It gives
me more satisfaction to know that Dominic is so guard-dog-
like over us.

To be honest I can’t see why the world has a problem with
us. Sometimes I think I don’t deserve D (he’s just read
that, and is currently hitting me to try and make me delete
it – but it’s true). There are other times when I work so,
SO fucking hard to put a smile on his face, that I feel I
must deserve him just a little. He tells me I’m good for
him, I KNOW he’s good for me … how can that be wrong?

I mean, I understand that there are disadvantages to our
life. But he’s my everything. He makes me want to be alive –
and when people attack Dom because of his life with me, it
hurts me alot. It’s like, they can attack me all they want,
but how *dare* they hurt somebody I love.

There are times when I wish I could just curl around
Dominic and keep all the ignorance and pain away from him.
In my more maudlin moments I want to just stay right here
with him, never letting anybody keep us apart. But the real
world intrudes and drives a wedge in between us. I know,
despite my wishes, that when we’re surrounded by people I
have to keep my distance – more for his benefit than my
own. He understands, and he resents the world even more for
making me feel this way.

I just wish … I wish I could be happy. Without making
enemies for it. I try to be a good person, and Dominic
is … downright beautiful, inside and out. He’s such an
incredible person, and the world still resents me for
wanting to be with him. I can’t make myself unsderstand it.

Behind closed doors I can have time like this with him – I
can just relax, because being near him makes even breathing
feel easier. If the outside world doesn’t understand, then
here I can be who I want.
That’s why this time is precious you see – that’s why I’m
writing about such an ordinary thing. Because to us it’s
everything. Here, there’s no fear and no prejudice. Here we
can be happy.

Anyway, I’ve got my thoughts out on metaphorical paper, so


  1. I thought that was really beautiful. I can’t quite relate to it, but having a place where the outiside world no longer matters, and one can relax, and feel special, is a place I long for, and enjoyed reading about yours. Thanks for sharing it.

  2. Probably the most tangible piece I have read here yet.

    I think your way of handling people staring at you is the ideal way to do it. I know that I do a double-take whenever I see a gay or lesbian couple simply because I so rarely do. I don’t mean any disrespect to the individuals, it just usually surprises me.

    I think that seeing them enjoying a deep kiss would even clarify things a bit if I were a bit confused by it.

    It is always good when you have a really good relationship like that.

    Well put, overall,

  3. i have never cried while reading something, but i cried while reading that.


  4. every true relationship will always be looked at as something not normal, no matter what. but i can see that what you and dominic have is something very special, and i wish you both the best of luck in this fucked up world.

  5. The world doesn’t resent you, most of the people in it are just narrow minded and afraid of something they don’y understand. As far as I’m concerned love is the most important thing in the world (I’m a hopeless romantic, and desperately want to feel what you obviously both feel for each other). I think it’s great that you’ve managed to find such a rare and precious thing. Some day the world may think so too. But really, the only opinion that really matters other than your own, is that of the person you love more than life itself. You’re clearly both very strong people, and I respect you so much for not letting others tear you apart. They’re the ones with the problem, not you. And in terms of being a good person, I believe that you are, and your sexual preferance has absolutely nothing to do with that. Love, Live, Believe. You have as much right to be happy as anyone, and it’s their loss for not realising it!

  6. Dam, you are probably the person i hold the most respect for here on darkness. And even though i don’t know you, i get the feeling you really are a wonderful person. I love the way that you’re love for Dominic reflects in everything you write. You must realise that even though you think there is nothing wrong with your relationship with Dom, other people in society do – that’s just the way of the world. People are afraid of what is foreign to them and so of course they will stare. I personally have no problem with gay and lesbein couples, but if i saw a gay couple in the street havin a snog i’d probably give it a glance or two – but the important factor is that if i saw an ‘ordinary’ couple kissing in the street – i would give them the same looks as i would a gay couple. Anyway, you’re right not to let it bother you, and i’m glad you’re found someone who makes your world complete.


  7. as everyone before said…
    your love with dominic is definatly something special…
    and its nice to know that that type of love
    still exists in this world.
    ure a really special person damien
    and u touch peoples lives
    in ways that u have no idea…
    soo…thanks…for all the times u helped me
    and thanks for just being you…

  8. The way I look at it is, people put down on you because you have something they don’t… someone that you love and loves you. And if your happy to hell with them. All I have to say is “And it harm none, do as ye will”.


  9. Blacklight, just reading these made me feel happy, all warm and fuzzy inside, like im sure you feel when you think about Dom.
    You are obviously meant to be together, if you make each other happy and if you make half of darkness jealous just by writing this post!
    Two people are lucky to find a love such as yours, and Im glad you have.
    (my cat is meowing in agreement)
    The people that judge will probably never have what you have, so fuck their judgement. You are far too intelligent to waste time thinking about their stupid, narrow-minded opinions. (I know that you are intelligent, I read your posts!)

    Thankyou for making my day even better, and for restoring my faith in love, by reminding me that it is worth the risk of getting hurt.
    I wish you and Dom all the worlds happiness, you deserve it.

    Blessed be.

  10. Wow. Just … wow.
    Everybody who’s replied to this post have gone a long way to restoring my faith in humanity. But then, that faith was always there – it’s just getting a little moth-bitten around the edges.

    Thanks for sitting and reading something that’s largely irrelevant to anybody but me. It’s easy to get involved with the bad shit in your own life, and it says alot about you all that you don’t hate me for finding love and being happy in mine.

    Thanks again, oh and PLEASE call me Damian.

    P.S. Beautiful Mess, you’re right I do get a warm fuzzy feeling when I think about D. *grin*
    Unkeptsecret, the feeling is v mutual.
    Vixodus, same for you.

  11. Blacklight, I was touched. I’ve had my fair share of predudice, and to tell you the truth the worst thing you can do is show them that you care. It’s good that Dominic knows that, but remember not to get the “fuck the world” attitude. It’s like a disease to blame them for your feelings, never let them touch you on the inside. Ignorance is something most people can’t help. However it is usually fear that consumes them in this area, and when your scared you aren’t resposible for your actions. The fear comes from misunderstanding. You can take the time to explain, or just accept it.

    Never doubt your worth…


  12. *chants* call me damian, call me damian, call me damian, call me damian ….

  13. DAMIAN… To tell you the truth, when I see any couple kissing it makes me feel “warm and fuzzy inside” just knowing that they have found someone to be with that they love. Regardless of sexuality.

    I’d have said more but they covered everything already.

    Much love and happiness to both of you.

  14. Well DAMIAN, guess what??? On Sunday (Sunday in New Zealand), my boyfriend told me he loves me, it was very ironic after just reading this… and I told him the same, and I want to thankyou for this post, Ive had my heart broken before (as Im sure we all have), and its made me somewhat reluctant to let myself fall in love since, but reading this put me in one of those disgusting soppy moods, and when he said it, the fear didnt exist.
    So thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.
    You have helped people youve never even met!

Comments are closed.