We sat there, just talking. I didn’t like him in that way… I just wanted to remain his friend. Note that, his BEST friend. He was like a brother to me, never once did I think of doing anything sexual with him. I was having a lot of trouble with my family at the time. I just needed someone to run to with all my problems… and he was the person I trusted the most. I leaned my head on his chest and he told me everything was ok, and that he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. I felt so safe in his arms…
He slowly and gently grabbed my breast and I looked up at him confused. He softly pressed his lips to mine and I pulled away fast. “What was that??” I asked. “Sorry,” he said “you’re so hard to resist…” and he kissed me again. “No,” I told him backing away “we can’t do this…. we’re… friends…” I looked at him with disgust. I grabbed my jacket and started to walk out the door when all of the sudden a hand grabbed my wrist and kept me from leaving. “Let go of me…” I said to him. “You’re hurting me… please let go!” Then he threw me upon his bed. “I love you, Amanda… you know that. I would do anything for you…” and he started to touch me all over. So many thoughts were rushing through my head at the time; I didn’t know exactly what to think of it all. I do love him, but I didn’t want this to happen. I tried to get up, but he pushed me back down. “C’mon, Amanda. What’s it going to hurt? All I want to do is show you a good time,” he said, whispering in my ear. “I don’t want you! Get off of me!” I screamed, trying to force him off of me. Violently he pushed his weight down upon me and said, “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way… It’s YOUR choice!” I still continued to fight. He fit me in the stomach and then in the face, then stopped for a couple of seconds while he ripped the sheets into strips so he could tie me down. I fought harder when he tried to tie my hands above my head. I didn’t want this to happen… I couldn’t believe he was doing this. Was this the same person I knew before?? He ripped off my shirt and started squeezing my breasts. He started moving down, licking my nipples, and unbuttoning my pants. He slid them off of me and started kissing my stomach. “Please don’t do this…” I said in a pleading voice. He whispered back “It’s ok, I won’t hurt you.” He slid off my panties, and I looked down at him and he looked up at me. For one moment our eyes were locked, it was as if he knew what I was feeling. He could see my hurt. But he kept going and didn’t mind me. I closed my eyes and tried to block my mind out of this whole nightmare and prayed that when I opened my eyes, he would be finished. He spread my legs and all of the sudden I felt a hard thrust inside of me that made me let out a loud cry. I could feel blood start to trickle down my inner thigh. He thrust it in and out, and again and again. He relieved himself in me and pulled it out. I guess now he was satisfied. He untied me and said, “You can go now, bitch. But if I ever hear about this from someone else… if you tell one person, I swear I will kill you.” I looked at him as if he were some sick person that I never knew. I tried to get up, but I could hardly even lift myself up off the bed. “I said get up bitch!” and with that he kicked me in the face. I yelled back at him “I’m trying to ass hole! Just give me some fucking time!!!” I got up and tried to walk but my legs were so weak. He kicked me in the stomach several times and I just lay there and took it. I realized I couldn’t do anything about it. He was so much stronger than me… I couldn’t protect myself from him. So I just lay there and took the beating. Apparently I had done something wrong, so I guess I deserved it. Once he was done making himself an even bigger man, I didn’t even try to move. I just lay there…helpless. When I finally got enough strength to even crawl, I got my jacket and left. I left my clothes, because I didn’t want to keep them. It would bring back too many memories. As I was making my way home, I cried. My only friend in the world had raped me… what was I supposed to do now?