watching the cars drive by as i look through my screen door window, wishing they would stop passing me by.wishing they would drive into there heaven and away from me.

i disfigure my heart, burn it with the hot iron. make my pain real.”a car just passed out my window”if you hold onto the pain, it will burn the palms of your hands.so you wash your face. you take the dirty feeling and push it away, but it keeps runing back to you like the lost little kitten you let in your house for that split second.and your stomach is scared.”a knife is too intimidating”your hair tickles your chin and the annoyity drives you insane.your scared of the man lerking in your shadows.your scared of the things he’ll do to you when you don’t pay attention.your scared to be alone.the blood stains your shirt.and your scared of the possiblities.those crazy thoughts run through your head, and you can’t stay still. your heart uproots and runs away. leaving your soul with no companion.no happy note to think of thereafter. your alone.and despite the threats from inside your head you put on a smile and walk out the door.you feel so little.and you want to be yourself, but your fed too many lies and you believe too many truths and now your caught in a web of deseat.i’ve given up on imaginary fantasies and im giving relatiy a try. im sorry to have left you in the dust of wishes and dreams that never come true.dont push me down.i could be so much more.you hurt me.i have so many quotes floating in my head, but you don’t care to hear them, you just want to hear those wonderful lying words, but i won’t say them, i refuse to say them, i don’t believe in them, i don’t believe in you.i won’t sacrifice my own happiness only to apease you.i love myself more than i love you.i always have.and i hear voices in the other room, but im all alone.and i look over my shoulder.”your lurking in those shadows, i see you there”i scare myself and i start to cry.im paranoid.i can’t get these pictures out of my head.im tired of being scared.i don’t want to run anymore.my legs are hurt.another car drives by, this time it stops at my house, and despite the threats from inside my head i put on a smile and walk out the door.the end.