Reality

I suppose this would belong under gothic but I’m not sure.
My whole life I have been misunderstood by everyone, family, society, and pretty much anyone I have come in contact with.
There are obviously a few exceptions, but for the most part I’ve always been rejected and taunted. Everyone around me comlpains about me having long hair, wearing dark clothes, and not being “happy”. But those are the things that make me comfortable, and feel like a “normal” person. As a result of all the destructive critisism and rejection, I started “cutting” (although I use other forms of pain as well) when I was about 11 years old. People told me “I was sick and needed help”, so I saw a counseler for a while and that just made me feel worse about who I am. Now I’m 17 years old and would rather have locked myself in a cold dark place then went through the torture of spending Chistmas with my family. The constant complaints about everything I did or said caused me to slip into a senseless, violent, ranting depression. If I could simply balance the positives and negatives in my life i think it would be so much simpler and I could finally be happy, with myself if nothing else. Anyone have any suggestions on how to do this I would really appreciate your input.