I walked down the stairs leading to the sidewalk. When I got to the street I bagan walking to my right, passing the old wyno’s hangout. But I was stopped when I heard the raspy voice yell out,
“Hey Miha! Come here bitch, and give me my hug!”
“Oh shit, hey Tammy.”
She gives me her hug, kissing me on the cheek. She smells of beer and cigarretes.
“Miha, comeover here with me. I have to tell you something.”
We walk out to the egde of the sidewalk where none of the other guys can hear.
“I broke up with Cruz. It’s over.”
“That’s good. How’d you tell him?”
“I was at my Nana’s house and I called him cause I needed a ride home. I called him, I said ‘Cruz, I’m fucked up take me home.’ Then he told me he didn’t want me in his car if a was hitting the crack again and I told him to fuck off and that it was over”
“Damn Tammy. You better make this one for sure though. I don’t wanna see you with anymore bruises and shit.”
“Na man….I can’t. Look.”
She lifted up her shirt and revealed her tummy. She always had her shorts unzipped so that was no big deal, but what did seem strange was that her beer belly had gotten even rounder. And it was hard, not fat and gellatenous. I touched it….I said in a soft voice, amazed, I whispered,”Taaaammy….please don’t tell me you’re…”
“I’m PREGNANT Miha” she finished it off for me and confirmed what i hoped was not true.
“How long has it been?”
“3 months”
“Who?”
“She looked at me and gave a cackle(she doesn’t laugh she cackles), shit man, how the fuck do I know? Fuckin condoms man!”
Did I forget to mention she’s a prostitute?
“What are you going to do with it?
“Honestly Miha, I wanna keep it. I wanna be good and keep my baby.”
“Are you gonna keep yourself clean?”
“Fuck yeah, I have to. They tried saying I was fuckin with the heroin again, but hell no. I quit that shit. Just the sugar Miha.”
“Tammy….Take CARE of yourself.”
She looked down and gave me another hug. She started mumbling to me and I could hear that she was starting to cry.
“Miha, don’t ever end up like me. Don’t.”
I stood there and looked at her. The black clumps of mascara on her lashes, eyeliner that circled her eyes, her hair messy and full of flakes and scabs clinging to strands tied back loosley. Her tiny hands were worn. “Cruz” and “ES XVIII” tattoos carried proudly on her back. The tall shoes she always wears to hid her height. She’s very small and even with the shoes she’s still 4 or 5 inches shorter than me(and i’m 5’2″). She’s wrinkled….and can easily pass for someone in her mid fourties…but she’s 32. I begin to wonder how hard it’s gonna be for this child. It’s not fair. This is gonna be a crack-baby, born into poverty and gang life. Probably gonna grow up on welfare and I can’t help but think….Some lifes are better off being spared. Is abortion really that bad? This is a child not needed in the world. Tammy’s not gonna clean up. Her Nana’s gonna end up taking care of it, the kids gonna get beaten, raped, molested (it’s inevitable in this neighborhood), get into gangs, and who the fuck needs another gangmember in a fucking neighborhood like this? No wonder East L.A. is the shit hole that it is. Thinking positive will do nothing for an unborn child in this neighborhood. Reality hits hard. One of the neighbor girls is only 20. Yes only, that’s VERY young when you think of her walking around with her 5 kids and expecting the 6th. I’m among 4 or 5 girls here to be under 18 and childless. It’s sickening. It makes me ashamed of my roots and culture, but it’s not my fault that so many people are worthless. I love tammy. And it would be great for her to be happy and get clean….but it’s not gonna happen.
Reality hits hard. She’s just a fuck-up. She lives on the streets and she’ll die on the streets. It’s just life……..Her life! It should’ve been spared like the life inside her should be. But oh well. It’s what’s wrong with the world. The filth, the uselessness, the overpopulation….
….abortion really can’t be that bad….
i’ve always been prochoice. i don’t feel i have any right to tell a woman that she has to have a baby. i can kind of see your point on this.
Thank you. Yes, every woman has a right to have and keep her child. Untill recently I didn’t think abortion could be justified. But in some cases it’s simply a better option. I myself should’ve been aborted, but my mom wanted to prove a point to all of her friends. Sometimes people just don’t think of the kids. It’s not fair for them. They have the right to NOT go through all the shit that thier parents went through. Cause is it just me or do parents seemingly go out of their way to keep you safe from all the big bad monsters in life and right when a kid hits some trauma, they turn right around and say “Big deal, I’ve been through worse”? It’s not fair. But it’s just how life is, and we’ve grown to accept those standards, but they are SUCKY standards. heh heh heh….thanks for replying MourningStar.
no problem. i agree with you, just because they went through it doesn’t mean the kid has to go through it as well.
Hmmm, does this mean you don’t want to have a baby? I remember someone saying they did… Ummmm, you know where we’re going to raise it? (It, because not known if it’s a boy or girl). I’d kill anyone that touched you, or our child. And… … I don’t really think we should live in East LA. Now, I’m not so sure of Las Vegas either.
And I remember that story! That’s when you told me, that you weren’t going to end up like her. After she said that… I didn’t know all of it so thorough as you just said it now though.
Hey, wait… that was when you’re 14. Did she have a child?
I don’t think abortion should be illegal–too many things went wrong when it was illegal. Also, if the gov’t can tell you that you must have the baby, who’s to stop the gov’t from regulating other things about your pregancy, like forcing you to see a doctor, quit smoking and so on. (Although on the flip side, some one said that you let abortions be legal, the next thing you know they’d be killing the baby on the way out. And than what happened but Pres Clinton allowed partial birth abortions when the baby could survive outside the womb.) However, even though I wouldn’t regulate it, I think it is the wrong thing to do except in cases when the mother’s life is in danger if the baby is carried full term. What’s so bad with giving up a baby for adoption?
I realize in this instance, the baby is likely to be miscarried, still born, or have birth defects because the mother is a alcoholic/drug addict, but even a baby with birth defects can be much loved and have a good life if adopted by the right family.
key words “if adopted by the right family”
you’re talking about things in a perfect world. in reality, kids move from foster home to foster home. this kid is going to have lots of medical bills… who’s going to want to pay them? kids who land in foster homes are often abused. when they do find the right family to adopt kids, they want a healthy one. one they can love and support and will be the kid they can’t have.
while i like the thought behind your ideas, the fact is that it just isn’t so.
Ok, reading my last sentence there, you’re right, the right family isn’t going to want a baby with birth defects. It’s just not going to happen.
However, there’s no guarantee that the baby is going to have birth defects. Also, even if he does, there’s no guarantee he won’t be able to eventually have a life worth living even if he bounces around foster homes. Personally, I think all lives are worth living, even the shitty ones. Since I don’t have a shitty life, I can’t say that with absolute certainty, but it’s at least a possibility. To me, that it’s more likely than not that a kid will have a screwed up upbringing isn’t reason enough to deny the kid a chance at life.
If we carried your theory the extra step, someone could just say, “Well, nine chances out of ten I’ll have a miserable life, I’ll probably never find a job I like, I’ll have one divorce after another, so I might as well just kill myself now before I suffer any further.” Granted, I’ve thought like this plenty of times, but it’s still not the right way to think.
i understand what you’re saying florence, but i’m not talking we say this about every kid, i’m just saying that in certain instances, this one in particular, maybe it is better. i mean yeah, i do think that when the kid got older, than maybe he/she would decide whether or not to keep living.
but like i said before, i have no right to tell any woman what she does with her baby.
just another thought on this, what does anyone think about the man having a say on whether or not the baby’s hurt. i’ve seen plenty of guys who would make great fathers and have had their children aborted right under their noses. it’s kind of heartwrenching to watch.
As for the man, I’d feel plenty bad for him, but it’s the woman’s decision; he doesn’t have to carry and bear the child.
No we don’t have the right to tell the woman what does with the baby. In a case like this, I probably wouldn’t even try to argue her out of it. It is my opinion that abortion isn’t right, but I’m not absolutely sure.
I’m not sure where we’ll live Darling. As for bearing children, yes. I’d like to. Someday. But to be smart about it. I don’t want to raise a child in an obviously bad situation where the mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing of it would be a challenge. But bad things happen, even in the best of neighborhoods there are those stories that go, “I can’t believe it happened here” so I don’t disillusion myself with a false sense of security no matter what the surroundings are.
What I am also against is having children JUSt because you got knocked up. You know, the instances where bearing and raising a child is the CONSEQUENCE of one’s actions. Children should never EVER be punishments. It’s cruel. Screw the one’s who concieved but it’s cruel to the child. if one does have an unplanned pregnancy and welcomes the child and is willing to responsibly provide for it then it’s awesome. Kudos to them.
If they have no father, big deal. Women have been raising children on their own since who the fuck knows when. And when there is no mother, only a father to care for the child….it is harder….but if he succeeds, then even greater respect to him. Children are lives. Yes…i’ve heard of bringing a fetus to full term outside the womb. That’s just wrong. They’re not needed. One or two experiments…fine. They’ve proved they can play god so why keep doing it? Now they’re cloning humans. It’s sick.
Women should have the right to be able to make an informed decision in the best interest of the child. No one says no when you have to euthanize a suffering dog. Why bring a kid onto the world….unprepared for the pain. It may lead to suicide….and wouldn’t that be ironic…..Deciding not to have an abortion thinking it’s the right thing to do….only for the poor kid to commit suicide.
They’re cloning humans? Are you serious?
Yup.
i agree with you masochistic, but i think the only reason we have the “i can’t believe it happened in this neighborhood” is because people who live in good neighborhoods is because they give themselves a false sense of security. it happens because they don’t take precautions because they think it will never happen. sometimes it’s pitiful, really.
I keep deleting this.
I will try and remain very calm. Because, I really want to hurt you right now Mourn.
So… This.
Stop posting on this board. You are annoying me. I am tired of hearing your for-the-sake-of-the-argument crap. I don’t want to hear, how you are not argueing. I don’t want to hear, what you think. I don’t want to hear, you speak of me hearing. I don’t want to hear, you speaking of your speaking. I don’t want to hear you, speaking of not hearing. I don’t want to hear you, speaking of typing. I don’t want to hear you, here. On my girlfriends post, the only post I care to read.
Just
Shut
Up.
fuck you and please, kiss my ass. if you don’t like them, then don’t read them. i can post whatever i please when i so please to do it.
(not meaning to be rude, of course.)
Ok, Nightmaren, who are you going to leave me to have intelligent arguments with, if not MourningStar? The wall? Somehow I don’t think I’d be able to have anything close to an intelligent argument with you.
Really, your comments were totally uncalled for.
thanx, florence.
Fuck off and get a real life, internet geek. I don’t need to try, because you truly aren’t worth it.
And thanks for the back-up love, it’s always nice to have your support.
internet geek? wow, that’s the first time i’ve heard that one. usually when people are trying to be insulting they use harsher words, (in case you didn’t know). i’m glad you feel i’m not worth it, because, quite frankly i’m not exactly sure why you’re upset with me. have i said something that offended you? if so, you must be easily offended, and for that i am truly sorry. it shows a terrible lacking when people can’t hold their own in a simple conversation without getting upset over controversial matters. like i said before, if you feel dispositioned to not like what i have to say, then don’t read it. no one forces you to.
I don’t particularly try to be insulting. I just want you to back off of me.
You see… I want to be happy. And you are upsetting me.
All I want to do, is see what my girlfriend post. And you keep posting not-needed arguments on her board.
And truth is. I do lose control. If you were like this with me in person, I would act out very violently towards you. I have witheld a lot towards you. I would have started things a lot sooner, but you just won’t stop posting here. It would have been nice to see a final note by her, but you just kept on posting your not-needed thoughts. It’s tiring.
I don’t know if this is some joke or game to you. But you upset me. And what makes it so much more upsetting. Is, I don’t know where you live so I can’t teach you a lesson.
I try and keep my temper in check. When I’ve read things on here, I continue to delete them and retype them. And often just don’t send them, because I don’t want to upset my girlfriend with me being so rude to the people she may like. So I just TRIED to tone it down with you. But you just reall upset me. And I try really hard not to more rude than I already am.
Can’t you just leave me alone? Why can’t you people just let me be happy. Always have to come around ticking me off. Can’t ever back off, FUCgdsykdsgsd
Oh, and love. Your back up and support, is so reassuring of your love for me. Thank you darling.
i don’t try to upset people and i do not feel this is a game. my apologies for upsetting you, but as i stated before, if you don’t like what i write than just ignore my posts. besides, this is a site for darkness. i don’t try to deliberately make anyone happy. although, i’m not trying to upset you either. i really don’t see what you have against me. as far as i know i haven’t said anything that should be insulting until you posted directly to me on this post.