I can feal the Darkness consuming me, like emotion floods others. I feal horror and sadness like a shield surounding me from anything that can save me.
Yes she doesn’t nottice, she doesn’t see through the thin vail of my chearful mask. My life is shattering into pieces like shards of a mirror maying at my feet. It I move I will bleed, if I so not I will stay forever, waisting away.
Why doesn’t she see? The truth behind the Mask? Maybe it’s because I’ve slowly grown to the way I am now, so slowly that she never realized what was happening.
People don’t see why I’m Gothic, because I’ve been labled as my groups’ Joker they demand that I not be Gothic. Demand! So much for friends that care.
They don’t see that I only act this way because I don’t want them to end up the way I have. They don’t see through my mask of happiness and laughter there is a lonely little girl crying out for someone to help her.
But it’s Her that could make all the difference. If she could see through the shielf and see the real me I think she could help me. I’m not even sure anymore, if that would even help.
I refuse to change my appearance for anyone, not even Her. Maybe if I let my shields drop they will realize how I turely am, or maybe I will be down more ‘friends.’
In fact, I think I will do that. It’s not like I can’t get anymore so called ‘friends’, I always do…
sometimes we learn to hide our pain so well, that others readily believe our deception. it is only after we have done this that we even entertain the idea of getting help.
let the shields down. those who are there for you are truly your friends, those who aren’t, never really were.
We all fall into habit without even realising it is happening to us. We forget to be ourselves for whatever reason, to be like our friends, to follow a trend, to please some one like mum or dad. But in the end it’s not real, its not really you anymore who’s up front, it’s just a front.
Somewhere, sometime we come to the realisation that we need to change who we’re projecting because they can’t see who we really are inside. Time to stop the false smiles of habit and turn our minds and emotions of habit around to reveal who we really are. In these times of change is required, with a bit of effort and some hard work it can be done. You just have to catch yourself.