She walks Alone

She had her past, her present, her future. But the one that really got to her was her past.
She had done some fucked up bullshit. Every time she closes her eyes she thinks of the thousands of times she’s regreted ever leaving her house. Constant flashbacks of horror and guilt glisten off the sidewalk, the lockers at school, the faces of her former friends.

She use to stand on desks screaming how much she loved soda. Spit on the fat ugly girl for being fat and ugly and within spits reach. She’d pressure her friends into doing hard drugs so she wouldn’t be the only one that fucked up. She’d tell her principal to “hold on to that thought” while she took a cigarette break from the conversation. Time herself to see how quick she could make people cry. Lie…Steal…Torment…
But tonight she walks alone.
She works in a small resturant in the older end of town. The popular place to be before the downtown center was built. With it’s peach colored buildings, it’s Cold Stone, it’s Albertson’s, it’s Blue Tomatoes, Mail Boxes Ect., Ross… these downtowns are all over. They are all the same.
But they aren’t for her. She works in the older part. The other end of town. Just a few miles from her home, you’ll find her washing dishes at 10 pm and moping floors. She’s the girl who drains the Mountain Dew surype into a cup and drinks it for breakfast in the morning. The one that always seems to be wasting time somking outside, but always manages to keep up with her work.
She walks alone each night between 11 and 2. Always going home it seems. Always coming from some place and going home, without the time or energy to stop and really talk.
A car stoped beside her one night and the guy sitting in the passenger seat asked “where you headed?”
“Home.” she said without looking up, or even slowing her pace.
The car pulled a little further up, the man asked, “You wanna take the night off, hang out with me and my buddy tonight?”
she stopped, and turned to the car.
“no.” she said and started to walk again.
“Aw, com’on, give me one good reason why not?”
she stopped again, turned to face the car again and took a deep breath.
“i’ll give you a few good reason, because i’m tired, i’m sore, i just spent 6 hours at work, and i have another 5 hours of school at 8 AM, this is what i do nearly every day. My boyfriend has work all the time, and we can’t even afford to get married. I can’t think of one good reason why i would take time out to spend with scum like you”

She’s rough on the outside. When you first meet her you dont like her. She’s angry outside too. And she’ll take it out on everybody.
In the small town she lives in everybody knows her. They all know that she use to fuck shit up. They’ve known her since she arrived.
She was the only girl in 8th grade shootin smack. The only girl who’d fight anything that crossed her path. She had the battle scars. She walked up in some Doc Martens, an old beater and a pair of old pants cut just below the knee. Her hair was bleached and tattered and always looked like she had just shaken it vigorously.
With time she only aged by years. Many years. but her dress code is still the same.
She was tall and tired. And you could tell. She grew up young, and got old quick.

I’ve watched this girl get old. i watch her every year that goes by. She always seems to get away with murder, but she would hurt a fly. not now. she’s changed.
she cleaned herself up a short while back. saw that she was participating in a vicious cycle that could only kill her. Maybe thats what she wanted, to die that is, but i guess she changed her mind.
I’ve seen her go though so much, from stipping for dope or money, to dating guys for a place to sleep. Watched her bounce back from speed to heroin and back, never letting go completely. Saw her stab a guy once, something bout a patch. But one day she just quit. Couldn’t take it anyore i guess, and gave up.
Now shes getting married, she’s happy busy, has money, goes to school. Never really talked her though. I know her i just never take time out to have a heart to heart or anything.
I’ve known her since the day she set foot in this town. She’s 16 years old.

1 comment

  1. sad…l read something like this once thought but its always sad…l guess sometimes life is…good writting though…

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