Should I

My gun is next to me. Ive got that thought again. Its loaded this time, I know it is. I loaded it last night. Its in my hand now. Should I do it? Ive got my hand on top, about to cock it. I love that sound, when the killer cocks the gun right before he/she fires. Its terrifying. Ive got it cocked. A cocked loaded gun in my hand. Should I pull the trigger? Th safety is on…for now. I can fuck around all I want with that on. I dont have anything to love, should I shoot? The thoughts haunted me for the last 3 years. Ive got the weapon, the notes been written. Should I put the pressure needed on the little lever? No one will miss me. I wont be noticed either way. I can make it look accidental. Look like the gun slipped, fell from my hand, safety off, and the bullet just happened to hit me. There is no one who will be sad. Id be relieving them all of my unwanted existance. Should I end it all now? I dont really care what happens. If i live I live, if I die I die. Im just a waste of matter. The gun os at my head now, should i make the projectile inside rush into me? Ive got it so I’ll die fast, only little pain. Now its at my gut, should I make it long agonizing and painful? No more fuckin around. Safety off, gun lodad an cocked. No more bull shit. Should I pull the fuckin trigger and end my sorry ass life now?!? My fingers on the damn trigger, the notes in place. Saying my last prayer, the last noise I head is bang…then I sit up sweaty and breathing hard in my bed…