should i give up?

the world doesnt make sense and it never really will. two yrs ago my mother kicked me out of my house leaving me to live w/ my father. i dont really know why she kicked me out, all of her excuses just sound fake. i know im not the easiest kid to deal with. i mean i slit my wrists i use to smoke and i drink.

i have an older sister too who i got in a huge fight with. that night i was kicked out. to chose one daughter over the other what a great feeling to have been tho one not chosen. it wouldnt of been so bad but i really hated my father also.
now that ive been living w/ my father ive gotten use to him. i dont hate him anymore, i hate the way he treats me like shit sometimes but i dont hate him. what hurts is hearing tho when he says he doenst want me anymore. even tho he says it out of anger it still hurts. i just feel like a ball that they throw back and forth sometimes.
my mother has just told me tonight that she wants me back. i tell my father and he just says the only reason she wants me back is for the childsupport. is that all im worth the money that comes along with me?
ive figured out through all of this i do hate myself. i dont like life, but i dont have the courage to kill myself. i cant handle to stop cutting and i dont think i will stop. maybe feeling wanted would make me better but i dont think it will. i just dont want to lose myself, just because they dont want me does it mean i should give up????


  1. Can I break the one great urban myth?

    That makes me SO angry, when people say they don’t have the courage to become worm food. NO!. Killing yourself is the way of cowards, some deluding themselves with the thought of a better world, some just too scared to keep breathing long enough for things to get better.
    Not to point out the obvious, but EVERYONE has problems. There are people out there with lives eighty five thousand times worse than your own, and if they can make it then you sure as hell can. Coz you know it’s cliched, but life is what you make it. If you’re too chickenshit to even try, that’s your own lookout.

    Okay, enough anger now. I’m sick of being angry. I wanna explain something.
    For the most part, when parents get angry at you, they’re not really angry at you. They’re angry at themselves for not being able to control you, or to understand you. Coz you know most parents’ biggest fear is being a bad parent.
    Most of us, at one time, manage to convince our parents that they’re failures – even if they’re not. So sometimes, they push us away in order to forget how badly they think they’ve done.
    They can’t fix it, so they run from it.

    Unfortunately, you have to be pro-active with this, letting them know you love them, and they’ve not ‘broken’ you. Once it’s happened there’s not alot you can do.
    But it sounds like you still have your father. You’re lucky, I lost my father when I was very young, even though he only died last year. So you hold onto him. NEVER listen to anything he says when he’s angry. When he’s calmed down, ask him if he meant what he said. He’ll most probably say no.

    It sounds like your dad is afraid of you going back to your mom, incase he really loses you. So he’s trying to make you stay by saying she doesn’t really want you.

    You’re worth way more than money, so I think maybe you should try spending time with her without living with her (that means she gets no money, and you get to see if she’s really serious about wanting you).

    Anyway, nice meeting you I guess, Laters,

  2. blacklight, thanx for your response. your right killing yourself is just giving up, it just seems easier sometimes. srry you lost your father. i know i dont like mine, but at least i have him. i might not of wanted to live w/ him but if he wouldnt of taken me in. where would i be? you tell things the way they are you dont seem to sugar coat them; i like that! if you want maybe we could talk more sometime so long >tar<

  3. hey, I’m in two minds about this post. Because on the one hand i agree with Blacklight, but on the otherhand i disagree strongly.

    It’s true that suicice is not the answer – that’s the cowards way out as Damian said.

    I come from a great family. I have parents who support me and love me for who and what i am, and i appreciate that more than i can say. But i also realise that there are many families out there that are the complete opposite of mine, families full of hate.

    It’s true that most parents are very afraid of being bad parents, but it’s also true that some just don’t give a toss about what happens. I’m not saying you have bad parents or anything because i know nothing about them or the situation.

    But i do think it is important to always try and improve relationships between your mum and dad, they are your link to the world.

    And believe me, things will get better when you leave home, time and space is always a healer, and who knows, maybe one day you and your mum could be friends.

    Love and respect

  4. Not to be pedantic … but …. in what way exactly did you disagree with me? It seems our opinions concur.
    I agree there are some shitty parents out there, hell yes, I’ve seen my fair share of those. My job is getting abused and broken kids away from them.

    I never said all parents were trying to be good ones, i said most, which you agreed with. As it’s true.

  5. dam, i dont know if you got my email or not i dont think that it sent through right… anyways if you ever want to email me its

    vixodus, thanx for telling me what ya think even tho i dont think i will ever become friends with my mother.

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