should i still trust this person?

this is really shitty for me, and for some reason i’m supposed to be the guilty one.

my ‘best friend'( i dont know if this should still apply), said she was a virgin, and of course i believed her. although today she tells this guy, for whom she has only know for two days she isnt. and i asked her about it and she said,’ i dont tell some people surtain things’.

but she said shes never told anyone, but of course she tells a stranger. so im mad at her cause i cant believe shes lied to me about this for the past five months, and i she wont tell just anyone then what am i, appearantly not me. she say im her best friend and then dosnt tell me this, and this guy is only going with her cause he want in her pants. i dont know if i can even trust her anymore and she cant believe id be mad at her for lieing about this. i dont know what the hell to do, i dont want to lose her, but how can i even trust her to tell me the truth. oh and she says she wont tell me who the guy was, then why the hell would she bring it up in the first place. uuuuuhhhhhh, i hate this so fucking much.
please i need some advice,

By forgottenindark

i have messenger, and i'm on a lot. you can talk to me there.


  1. well…I dunno…its really not nice of your best friend not to tell you – though to be honest, the fact that she still is a virgin or not doesnt seem that important to me, though you may see this differently… – but maybe she just told this stranger-guy a lie, so he would “want in her pants” ?!
    well…i dont really know what to tell you, how to help you…

    hope itll sort out for you!

  2. Maybe the only reason she isn’t telling you is because you know the guy? There are probably many reasons why she didn’t tell you. Maybe shes ashamed and doesn’t want you to think badly of her. Maybe she just feels she can’t talk about things like that with you. Either way, its her own private business anyway and if she doesn’t want to talk about it with you then she doesn’t have to. You can’t force people to be open with you all the time, you can’t force them to tell you their deepest darkest secrets.


  3. True ~ if she doesnt want to tell you you can’t make her. It doesnt necesserilly mean you can’t trust her… You hear about this a lot, but you mainly hear it from guys whether they are / arent a virgin (no sexism/offence meant to guys there!)… Maybe she said it to the guy cause she felt stupid saying she was a virgin, or maybe she just didn’t want to tell you she wasn’t for certain reasons… I don’t blame you for being angry, especially if she’s your best friend…
    All you can really do is talk to her (my usual advice! hehe), a proper ‘best friends’ chat, and ask her if it is true or not, why she told you she was but told this lad she wasn’t etc etc …
    You’re not the guilty one! How could you be?! Just try and talk to her, and if she doesn’t want to say then she won’t, but you don’t know until you try… Don’t get angry with her though, just talk!
    Anyway hope you sort this out, take care

  4. I think it’s infinitely more likely that she told him she wasn’t a virgin to make herself look better in his eyes. When you reminded her that she said she wasn’t, she probably just said she lied to you in order to cover up.
    If she won’t tell you who the guy was, maybe there wasn’t one.

    Thing is, it’s sad but if the new guy only wants her for one reason, of course she’s going to make herself available in that way.

    Anyway, if she really has lost her virginity it might mean that she didn’t want you to look down on her for it. Maybe she thought you’d lose respect for her because of it. Especially if it was with a guy she didn’t like that much. Girls have so much harder times about this than guys do because if you’re a guy you can fuck anything that moves and just be honored for it.

    The thing is, when we are angry with ourselves about something, we believe that everybody else will hate us for it too, but by telling some insignificant guy she gets it off her chest without losing you.

    Just be a friend, okay? People make mistakes and we have to forgive them. Because you can’t tell me (with a straight face) that you’ve told her everything about yourself. You haven’t, and you shouldn’t expect that from her.

    She tells you what she feels she can, and that should be enough.

  5. I totally agree with blacklight. It’s a complicated issue, but don’t think you can’t trust her anymore. Ok, so she didn’t tell you, but does it really affect you in the first place? Of course I would expect my best friend to tell me too, heck she’s probably gonna call me an hour later and spill her guts, but that of course all depends on the person she’s with, and if she doesn’t feel ready to talk I’ll respect that. Whether or not you’re a virgin is a really personal thing, sometimes too personal to tell anyone (and in terms of telling that guy, it’s just to save face, she’s obviously insecure).

  6. humm… tuffy…. i’ve had this happen before… not fun… and yes you should be pissed she lied to you… but i don’t think you should NOT believe her anymore, but be choosey on what you believe…. and always believe half of what you hear… but in this case it seems to me that she just wants this guy to like her and its nothing major, but if the lying continues… i suggest that you evaluate you friendship and move-on….
    hope i gave you some help…..

  7. A sad fact of life. All persons are true to themselves and what they choose to disclose to others is their decision. What she told you one day is eclipsed by the truth another. I think you feel betrayed that she wasn’t completely honest with you and chose another to confide in. Forget your emotions, her virginity is no matter of yours, if you want the friendship maintain it. If trust is your issue, redefine your definition of friendship, there is no clause for complete and total personal disclosure. Life is to lonely without others to share it with.

  8. i have to agree with blacklight as well. it is most probable that she lied to the guy. you shouldn’t let it worry you. friends lie to eachother, it happens. if it’s just this one thing that she’s lied about, then forget it. is it really worth losing the friendship over. sometimes people say things that they later regret, but they don’t tell you they regret it because they don’t want to look stupid and ambivalent. i say, just let it go. move on.


  9. I’m not going to try to disect your friend or her actions, because I don’t really know her and I guess it’s not my right to do so. But let me say, that as a person, I am most likely to be defined as a “loner.” Because the truth is, I have friends, but no one of them can ever truly understand me or who I really am, even the so-called best ones. It’s not their faults, or mine. It’s just the way things are, and the way I am. So to me, finding a relationship isn’t about sex or making out, it’s about finding someone who, for the first time in my life, will understand me and accept me unconditionally for who I really, truly am. Friendship and love are very similar, but sometimes the differences, few though they may be, can become painfully obvious. I have played the part of your friend before, and so speaking from experience I just want to say that it still helps to know that there are people who care about me. Be there for her. You don’t know how much it would mean to her for her to know that you understand…

  10. since this whole thing happened we’ve talked about it. at first she completely shut down to me and made me out to be such a horrible person if i even said anything about sex, although she continued telling other people. but now i’ve gotten her to tell me about it, she just won’t say who it is. she though she should have been ashamed cause they weren’t together long, he couldn’t figure out the condom, and it hurt like hell. she just didn’t realize besides the whole not being able to figure out the condom that is kind of usual, especially the painfulness of it, cause unless she’s loos it was going to hurt like hell. and she said it was the boys first time so that really dosn’t help her any. we’ve worked through it and she feels really bad about not telling me cause im her only friend she can trust completely. but thanks for all of your advice, i appreciate it a lot.
    thanks again,

  11. That woman is a bitch. Big fucked up things start on small things. If you can’t trust her on such a very simple matter, her virginity, much more on the other siginificant things.

    Do learn to grow up and understand this. Not women are okay, fck PMS anyway. hehe.

  12. So alright already..the girls blown her what. Like others have said – mabey it is someone you know. But on the other hand..being a best friend..mabey she should tell you first.. (by choice) then tell the strangers.

    But if she aint gonna tell you…then don’t worry about it…forget bout it…and move on with your life…

    Don’t dwel on her problems 🙂

    Luck..Hope 🙂

  13. If she is your best friend then you can get over something like this.
    I have had experiences with friends who betrayed each others trust in much much worse ways and are still friends today.

  14. well i think u should get ova it if she was ur best friend then u all should be able to work this out and if u cant then u shouldnt even be friends…but belive me friends espically best friends r really special..

  15. thanks again everyone, i think things are fine with us now. all i need to do is keep her from fucking herself over with other shit at the moment. and i know things will end up fine, we need each other and we wouldn’t let anything change our friends ship to the point we didn’t have one anymore.

  16. so she broke your trust. that’s a superficial fact as is, and you’re too young to have sex anyway, as would be this person. basically, you could never be sure until you fucked her, which would be a ways down the road hopefully. don’t give her another chance for 44 days,and then only allow miminal time and conversatoin with her. DO NOT OPEN UP TO HER. that will be certain regret and tragedy. this i know.

  17. good luck in helping her get through any shit she put herself in, i hope it all works out.

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