i don’t know what just happened really…i always thought no one could ever love me though i craved for someone to care and be there and hold me…
i hated myself and i still do…and now i want everybody to hate me…cause i keep hurting the people who love me…and lately everyone i meet seems to love me…to truly care…but something happened and i can’t love them back anymore…it’s like i’m simply a heartless bitch…no discussion about that…i am so apathetic and dead…and i want to love them so much…right now i want to cry so much…and i just hate how the tears seem to well up in my eyes but never fall…that is not fair…i want to cry…and then again in just a minute i can show that i don’t care…that i’m feeling nothing…why did they have to love me…it’s all my fault…i shouldn’t be nice…i should live alone…that’s where i belong…alone in a deserted place…where no one is ever cursed with loving me…and i’m sure such a curse will never reach me…never reach my stoned heart…that ugly stone of mine…why am i writing this i wonder…to get it out…to ask for help…to understand myself or find some sort of solution may be…you know that stone is aching now…but in my mind i can ignore so wonderfully…i believe in the power of the mind…it’s all in there…i think i’m blabbing…whatever…stop.