laying awake at night just wondering is all this worth it. is all the pain the hate and the lies we go through really worth life. life seems to be a never ending pain that seems to grow stronger by the day.
well this is the first entry i’ve made just my view on how things have been for me.
cath
i look at my friends and some of them have no problem in the world they look at it as if there is nothing bad in it. and it’s not true, sometimes i just sit there and wish that i’d do anything to swap places with them to let them know that life isn’t just a sweet dream. Sometimes i think sleep is the best part of the day and then other times not. some of the nightmares never go away. you know your dreaming but no matter how hard you try you cant wake up. you can’t get away from the hell you are in. you think life would just be easier if i wasnt’ here. i wouldnt’ have to bother putting on the fake smile saying i’m fine and really just lying my life away. people say to enjoy life how can you enjoy life when it isn’t life at all it is more like a hellish nightmare you live through every moment of the day. the only time i really needed just one of my friends to talk to just one of them to understand none of them could because they have never experienced anything outside of there idea of a perfect world. when you just sit there and cry not knowing why just wondering why me why did this have to happen.
well this is the first entry i’ve made just my view on how things have been for me.
cath
Cath, the best part of life is the sleep…. when you don’t have the nightmares that is.
I can relate to what you said. About friends, dreams, and just sitting in your bed thinking, trying to find something that can make you happy. The only way to make your life better is to find happiness in yourself. Forget that nobody else knows what it’s like on the other side, just focus on making things better for you.
Strange as it may seem I can relate to most all people on this site. Except those who have drug addictions. Never had one of those but they do sound tempting.
“Show them your fake smile, say your fine and nobody will ever know that you’re dying slowly from the inside.” ~N.W.
“Sleep, those little slices of death…how i loathe them” – E.A.P. I hate sleep, it’s where everything that went bad in the day is relived. I know what you are talking about when wanting to switch places…some of the people around me or so blissfully happy, they have no idea what some go through.
“Ignorance is bliss” I’ve been wondering about that statement myself lately, its implications. I know how you feel ‘cath’, I wrote something simlar recently here on Darkness, you’ll find it under the title “Damned” if you’d like to read it.
Once upon a time I used to have friends who were like that, wanting sunny days all the time and they’d never be there when it rained and I was left to be alone by myself and misunderstood. Part of the reason I’m here now, I do understand in my own way, and I do care a lot about people when they’re down, depressed and feel crushed. So whatever you learn out of all this, and you will if you keep persisting and never give up, help pass it on to others, even if it’s just a few words of sympathy or empathy.
thanx,
each of you in your own way of
understanding has helped. just to know
that some people can understand
and relate to wat i’m talking about
cath
whatever the pain and time of day,
a proper friend’s never far away,
But like ive said all these numerous times before,
All is well in wonderland, pity we cant find the door.
thanx Laurie anyone who has you
as a friend is truely blessed
i understand where you’re coming from and i’m not taking the other side, but if you look really closely everyone has secrets of their own. we don’t see them because we’re used to them. the happiest person in the world has nightmares cath, whether or not someone knows depends on how well you fake it, me? i fake it well, my “friends” on the other hand don’t. i didn’t see it for the longest of times until i stepped back and took a look around. they had problems, not like mine, but they had bad problems. they just learned to fake it real well
Everyone,all you speak of seems reminiscent of my past. I would dispense some words of wisdom,but I don’t think you need it anymore Cath. Just for your information the hiding of one’s true feelings has a word of its own. It is called dissimulation….I don’t know about you all,but I found it comforting that that meaning had a word.
Death is just to escape reality ppl see suicide as a heroic action, but what is an heroic action is facing reality itself,I dont mean to be nasty thats how i feel.
Heroism is sacraficing your beliefs,posessions,life,etc. for someone else. That is what I believe
No I think that is plain insanity,Ok fair enough sacraficing possesions and beliefs is heroic but taking you own life is wrong, if you died for someone and got shot in the head by someone else then i would count that as a heroic action.
you seem like you’re afraid of the reality of life, but what of the reality of death? what lies beyond the razor blade? a shadow? a dream? a horror?
“for in that sleep of death, what dreams may come.” — William Shakespeare, Hamlet.
for in life we always turn back, fight to live; but in death we no longer have that option. what’s done is done. after death…
I suppose you could look at ‘symbolic death’ as being heroic in a way, something that not many understand or are willing to do. I mean in the sense of dying an emotional death, death of a belief when it is no longer useful and becomes a living death itself. I’ve tried explaining this concept before, and I haven’t had anyone yet who understands this, that there is more than one type of death, that its just as valid as the ultimate end in physical death (six foot under).
But I suppose that’s what you mean by sacrificing life in the aid of another as being heroic, ‘DamnedOne’. Something done selflessly rather than just as a useless egotistical act. Not sure if I’ve put it the right way here.
You have.
vlotarrens, you’d be suprised that many actually do believe in ‘symbolic death.’ the opposit is true, a select few believe that no death is selfless, that there is an underlying subconscious motive of suicide, but i tend to differ.
i once read a quote that read: no one cares more than the suicide bomber.
Interesting.
Thankx MourningStar & Damned One, thought I was the only one there for a long while. Maybe I’ve just been hanging around with people who haven’t understood in the past…
TOOO IN DEPTH FOR MY LIKING BUT HEY I AGREE