You may think you know me
From words I’ve written on a page
From another lifetime ago
From the depths of hurting, pain, and rage
Somehow I’ve moved forward with my life
I’ve grown past that empty divide
I look back and see clearly those things
That nearly drove me to suicide
But sometimes in the still quiet
Of a warm starry summer night
Some of those feeling surface again
A Specter at the feast appears before my very sight
“So you think that I am gone, lost in your past
And that distance has made you free from me now
Look over your shoulder from time to time
And I will be there with you somehow”
“You’ll never leave me in your life
Quite far enough behind
See, I am now a part of you
Of pain and hurting, I will remind”
The Specter is right I know it
Always with me he will be
Not so much left behind in distance
As he has become integrated within me
“Feel a hurt now in your heart
The fresh pain will sting and you will find
I will come from the depths and be with you
In the quiet privacy of your mind”
Cut my heart as I learn of love
And find that there is company
In my pain and sorrow comes
The Specter, an old friend and enemy
Waiting in my moments of love failed and lost
Always a Specter at the feast he’ll go
To spring up and release those painful emotions
And be the first to say “I told you so”
But I have learned to accept these feelings
Even make them a part of me
In my life I must go on
And sometimes I must let them be
You never get over a profound hurt
No matter how much you may try
A wound from years ago can suddenly erupt
Feeling unhealed and fresh tears you’ll cry
But the Specter is not my entire life
And though only just a part of the whole
He has voice and power and influence
Over matters that affect my very soul
So the Specter at the feast will ride
In my life’s journey along with me
An unwanted stowaway in my emotions
The cost of his passage is anything but free