ok, I’m not totally sure what to write. Most of my writings are really intense. Anyways, I want to kill myself. I’m not afraid of death, I am rather eager for it to come to me. I am fond of death. Eternal life in hell sounds good to me, whatever hell is, I’m not sure I believe in all that bullshit. God, what is God?
I don’t know anymore. I was raised on religion, and now, at 17, I’m not sure of it anymore. As a bisexual, and a Goth I am hated. As a person, I am hated. No one knows the real me. They never will, because I will be gone soon. And I’m going to make sure I am gone for good. You see, this time is different from my other suicide attempts, all the other times, I didn’t have a plan, this time though, I do have a plan, and I have everything I need to carry out my plan. I’ve tried so damn many times to get help, but nothing helps, talking, meds, hospitals, nothing. I’m done pleaing with people to help me, trying to help myself, etc etc etc. There was one person I truly loved, and that person hurt me so badly that I can’t explain it. that person ripped my heart out, broke it into pieces. This one person told me lies, told me she loved me, then she went behind my back and slandered me. This person told me she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, then she went and slept with outher people. Fuck her, she’s the one who’s going to feel guilty in the end, my end. When I’m gone. My end is the ultimate end, and I don’t care if you think it is selfish or not, I think it is my only way out of all this pain. Constantly cutting myself and hurting myself in various other ways. I can’t deal with it anymore, and it’s time to go, so good luck, everyone, and keep up the good stories.