suicide

last night i went to see my brothers’ band play in nashville. they’re a punk band from portland. two of my brothers are in the band. they played a song called “confessions of a suicide advocate” and dedicated it to our youngest brother, who is in the hospital following his second suicide attempt in the past two months. our youngest brother is an extremely talented musician and composer himself, but has trouble dealing with this fucked-up world we live in, as do i and my other two brothers. the song was about the right to die, but it was written before our youngest brother tried to kill himself. my oldest brother, who wrote the song, spoke about how hard it was for him to do the song now in light of what’s going on with the youngest brother. i also believe that people have the right to end their own lives if they choose, but at the same time i don’t want to lose my brother. he has so much talent and so much beautiful music he could share, but he must find something worth enduring the bullshit of society for. for me it was having kids. i never planned on having kids, it just happened and i was forced to deal with it. but now that i have two kids i can’t even allow myself to contemplate the possibility of suicide. i have a purpose for existing, there are people who need me. it’s hard for me to know how to help my brother because i know what it’s like to want to die, but i’ve tried and tried to talk to him and it doesn’t do any good. i know also that when you’re in that state there’s really nothing anyone can say. i know that the one time i seriously attempted suicide it sucked so bad that it pretty much cured me of wanting to try that again. but my brother still wants to die. death is a beautiful and sacred transformation and i will welcome her with open arms when the time comes but i’m not anxious anymore to hasten that day. life sucks and people suck and society sucks, but there is beauty in the world and some things worth enduring the rest for. it’s up to him now. thanks for listening…

Published
Categorized as death

By Annachie

Diamanda Galas is Goddess