I’m very unhappy where I am, and I’m too young to do anything about it. I live with the woman who gave birth to me, and the other accident child. She gave birth to me on Jan. 18, 1985 and I’ll never forgive her for doing so.
I do not enjoy that woman’s company. I’d just assume see her die and rot in hell. She constantly belittles me. Says I’m stupid, and that I’m fat. Many others when we get in a fight.
She used to terrify me when I was little. Coming at me with her red face, gritting her teeth, clenching her fist and yelling while getting ready to strike. But I’m not scared anymore. I don’t run…I won’t run. I look into her eyes and tell her to take her best shot, but she hardly ever does anymore. What made her stop now? Why doesn’t she hit me anymore? Can she sense that I no longer fear her? Does it scare her that her once little girl is no longer her little girl?
I never understood why she seemed to get so much pleasure out of hurting me…physically and verbally. Did it make her feel better about herself knowing that she could beat up a 9yr old girl? If you have an idea why…please feel free and answer.
Makes me wonder how well se sleeps at night, knowing that at any minute I could lose all sanity and kill her. I wonder how many nightmares she has of me standing over her bed when she wakes getting ready to blow her brains out. Her nightmare…my dream. I wonder if she loses sleep at night knowing that she has ruined my life.
Over the years, all the beatings, all the verbal abuse, has made me lose all love for that woman. I no longer respect her as my mother. I want her to die a horrible, horrible death and nothing less.