The Actress

THE ACTRESS Never in her life has she ever imagined to be onstage telling a story in front of strangers who paid and rushed to get front seats just to hear it. She has always put herself in the position where she would only be a part of the audience, admiring the courageous actors play the parts of characters she has been longing to become. She would watch them with great envy for they get to be the players in a world of fantasy and perfection. A world where pain would only last for a few minutes and would shortly be replaced with romance and humor. She envied them for they had the opportunity to live the life, even for just a short while, she has never experienced and would spend eternity dreaming of ever being close to it. She had to be like them.

The theatre. Everything unfolds there; the old curtains and their scent that have been witnesses of company calls and backstage chaos and panic, the stage where it has focused on the greatest and the most bitter romance that the actors dwelled in, may it be backstage or on. And lastly, the spotlight that gave attention to final bows and great admiration for the actors. Presently, as she narrates a story to the audience, the only thing that she could think of is sadness. It was not her story. The story she was narrating was filled with romance and humor, adventure and fulfillment. She had little of these in her life. Every time she let go of the punch line and heard the audience laugh, she thought of the disappointment she would probably give to them if it were her story being told. When it comes to the act where it carries a sorrowful scene, all she could do is play her role effortlessly, for she sees no difficulty in playing a role she has been playing every day of her life. As for romance, she played the part of a person far from her own. She glanced at the actor her opposite. She looked at him with dazzling eyes and flashed him her beaming smile. And yet she was not happy. She longed to be able to do the same offstage. For in reality, he belonged to another, and was not hers like he was onstage. She could not help but feel sorry for herself. She looked at the crowd, when the spotlight focused on another character, searching for the man she has been waiting for all night and perhaps her entire life just to find out that he is not there and would probably never come. So the spotlight focuses on her again, and causes her to hide her broken heart and act as if she is helplessly falling for the actor her opposite. For in reality, she is. She has concluded that her love would never come and pay, neither rush to get a good seat just to hear and see her. She decides to hurt herself again by falling for another who, unfortunately, loved and belonged to another. She has passed on her affection once again, without anyone to receive it. She memorizes lines she regrets never to have said in real life since she was not blessed with the opportunity to do so. The audience pays attention to her and waits for her every move, where in reality what she really wants is to be left alone and be allowed to search for the missing elements in her life. She is scared to take her final bow because this was her ticket to reality. Her return would mean pain and sorrow once more. She would once again be the coward opposing her character onstage. Her courage and bravery would disappear along with the confidence she has placed in herself. She will realize that she is a nobody and is no better than the rest. That in this life her real place is with the audience watching as the life she dreamed of unfolds before her, filling her with jealousy and discouragement, still she has no choice but to sit back and be tortured as she watches something that could never happen to her. A moment she will never have. She is the actress.