I wear it around my neck and after I leave his house it’s usually on backwards. He hates it when it dangles in his face.
No one touches it but me, and no one uses it but me. What it unlocks is the top drawer of my lingerie chest, where I keep my secrets. When you open that drawer you smell burnt things and the sweet perfume of basement grown foliage.I feel, or not to feel? I’ve stopped asking, or caring. I know I’m safe in my cocoon. It is dark and solitary and looks impenetrable but deep inside, the pain has only been buried. I am busy becoming something new, something beautiful.This weekend I had a grey hair. I’m much too young for all that, but some say I’m too young to do most of the things I’ve done, and I suppose there’s little difference.They bring me the little pink pill and I swallow it just like I swallow my pride. I chase it with vodka.When I sleep I dream of death, and I wake up refreshed. So often I feel like everyone else is walking confidently and I am just crawling, but the point is that we’re all moving. Even if you win the rat race, you’re still a rat.I will never give the key away, I will never let anyone know where I hide it. It is all that is secret and forbidden, it is mystery and allure. How sad it is that all it is is a key.