The Lord of Deception 2

There were other things that went on unoticed in the time that I was there, letting my life slowly drift by without realizing that I wasn’t progressing. There was always a holding back, a no you can’t do that, not said in works but done through actions in convoluted ways. When was there ever a time, from the start that this didn’t happen?

Every project that would come into being would be thrwarted in one way or another as he didn’t want to be revealed in the full light of day. Promoting the self was not on, making a specticle of the self was out to make one’s self known. He wanted everything to be behind closed doors and hidden away from any eyes that would pry. This motivation had come from his distant past somewhere, from those things he had done.

Behind his eyes was something, something that wanted to ensnar and possess. There was hateful jealousy there of others, that they could walk around free, that he could not because of deeds he had done. In his past he had given himself away once or twice, revealed who he was and found that other’s would see him as not quite all there and a bit twisted.

If there was any show of independance, he would disuade you, say it was not possible and argue the point with his own logic. He’d start to say there was something wrong with me and that I should go and see someone (knowing that I wouldn’t). That was enough at first, and in the begining. Later it started to count less and less as I learned more and more by chance.

A lead into self knowledge coming out of a nervous breakdown was the trigger that would begin the process and the way out. There was no one to help me, no one to ask for advice. They were all gone now. No friends except his and the ones he alllowed. This I had to do on my own, all alone, and even without myself even knowing what I was actually doing. That would not come until much later and once I had escaped his mind grip.

Cards and stars would be a guide, not for fortune and prosperity, but for knowing the self and knowing my capable and independant self. Too long had I stood in his shadow and let him do too many things for me, cook and clean and pay the bills. Not even the cat liked me then, it knew I had become a coward of life.

At first it was small, later it grew and became more and opened many doors to other worlds as yet unclaimed. It opened a pathway to help other eventually, but for that time it only helped myself first.

At first he did not approve. Then he just put up, as he could see that he could not stop me and was starting to fail in what he had been doing so well for so long. Later he tried to join in, but I don’t think it worked, he was not like me, could never be like me. He was starting to fade from my life and my love as I changed and started to stand on my own two feet.

This is how it began. . . there is more. . .

By Voltarrens

A Graphic, Fine and Multimedia Artist currently studying at Victoria University in Computer Mediated Art. This also includes written works, poetry as well as an ongoing on line Novel of fantasy fiction available through my website. As well as all this, I also compose music with computer software and post it on the net at various sites. Science Fiction, fantasy and horror have been long time interests of mine over the many years, a lot of my artistic work reflects this...