The ongoing cycle – Darkness

Evening,morning,afternoon… whichever phase reality is in when you read this.
I have frequented this site for quite some time now. This is one of those nights… I usually come here when i need comfort or solace of any kind…. a citadel of comfort from the cruelty and oddity that is life at times.

Today was like any other day, wake up, eat, get ready for work, work, get home and wait for sleep. The only difference today and most of this month, was that the depression and lonliness were at a minimum….Im at the ‘void’ the stage of uncaring or nonfeeling and just ‘being’.
Sunday was my birthday, and suprisingly my own mother called me and wished me a happy birthday, the first time since ive been alive(birthdays arent really celebrated in my family nor recognized, mostly because i was poor growing up)
It was a weird feeling. i didnt even know how to react, i just said thanks and proceeded to hang up.
Then there’s the aquantances i have, the work people, oh yes… hearing that it was my b-day, two guys i knew invited me out to go to a local arcade and to a bar to go drinking later on and play some pool. So I decide “hey i guess i can leave my shell and go hang out with people for once in a long while” yet as soon as i drive across town to meet them, they cancel out on me with lame ass excuses like ” i dont feel like going out” or ” its too cold outside, i dont want to go anywhere”. normally i wouldnt give a shit if it were any other day. but the fact that i had expectations gassed up that id actually celebrate a b-day for once only to have it “cancelled” sorta angered me to no end.
So i returned to the path I’ve been walking for so long… I went back to not trying to be around people, i went out on my own got drunk and came home and slept till 5pm monday.

When i woke up i went to a bookstore and bought a comic called “The Sandman”. I love this comic by far, more than anything else ive read. Its not a ‘normal comic’ by any means.
just reading it made me forget about sunday. after the bookstore…. i went home, waited for sleep, and started work tuesday when i woke up.
I feel fine now…but like i said, it all comes and goes in cycles

By AvatarZero

Look at me and see nothing..... look long enough and see the death and decay and utter bitterness left by .... =Avatarzero=

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