a nice person greets me, says the others want to meet me. i didnt want to go she made me..she gives me those eyes i think she hates me.
i enter, sit down ,a few of them look at me then around. they all look. 4 of them slow, man i wish i can get out of here i said to myself as my anger started to grow. how do you feel the first one said. ” i feel fine i just had trouble getting out of bed” she wrote things down,looked again and mumbled getting out of bed. the second one looked up slow i seen him from the corner of my eye i wanted to smile but i didnt let it show. i was angry and fine i should be outta here in no time. i looked up he stared back, he began” so tell me about some things that happened a while back” i looked away and i had a lump in my throat it got so big i wanted to choke. everything racing through my mind, it was like i went back in time, i thought about my dad, how my mom made him leave i wanted him back so bad, i would drop on my knees and plead. i looked up and blinked to my suprise tears started to leak. i never cry unless im mad,but never…never when im sad. all the others looked up and seen my stream of sorrow they all stared and mumbled to eachother “we’ll see her tomorrow” what happened why are you crying? is someone hurt are they dying…no ,no, its not that its just that i want my dad back. oh i see is that why you’re here? no i said my said mom has some fear. fear about what he said. fear about me being dead. dead he said … is that why you have scars on your wrist….? yes i said all i ever wanted was to never get out of bed. oh i see ..they jotted some stuff down… i choked on my lump it finnally came out…we’ll talk to your mom ill see what she says about your thought of never getting out of bed……( to be continued)
Beautiful. I look forward to the next part.
Interesting. I like the fragmented kind of way you wrote it, it really suits the thought processes and enhanced the segregated feeling of the piece. Like Luceifer said, I look forward to the next part. 🙂
Booorreeddd….
Its a little too basic but it does have some good elements. The next part will be interesting.
You fucking idiots
You are a spineless mass of degenerate’s
END YOUR LIFE!
maybe you should end your you swine.
Original, quite interesting.
Keep up the good work.
Its good and very interesting ~ cant wait for the next part
Keep up the good work
Budding Rap artist alert!
This is the kind of rhythm that works for me.
I must say that none of you have an taste whatsoever in writing. while it did possess an excellent idea and several original and intrguing parts, in general it was still a waste of web-space. oh, and i do have specific complaints.
the fragments didn’t make any sense. if you were trying to be cute and use a “rap-style” writing, stop it immediately. rap is meant to be spoken, not to be written. you had horrible grammar, which ruined much of the piece, and your punctuation is completely horrid. i suggest you fix a little of it, and choose more carefully how you set up your nect piece because the huge paragraph did not work for this one.
in conclusion- nice try but you have to do better than that to get any real compliements from me.