The search for answers………… little?, to late?

What is it? To have this feeling that there is something………waiting for me to find. Yet how can i find it, when i don’t even know what it is that i seek. I lie awake at night for hours……….straining in the dark to see it in my minds eye.

And as each day passes, i feel i’m draining away. That i’ll be too weak when it finally lets me know what it is. Is it a lie? Just a great joke to for some higher power.I feel it in my mind’s eye. When at work, when not. Whenever worldly distractions fade, its there. Like a silent voice in my head. Is it this voice that wakes me for no apparent reason? Is this why i am awake nearly all the hours of night. Hoping that i might catch a glimpse of “it”.Or am i just following a shadow of myself. Am i just losing it. I just wish i knew the answer. All i know is that its there, in the darkness. Always in the darkness. I find myself journeying deeper and deeper into darker side of life. The side that society likes to shun away from and pretend it doesn’t exist. Or blame when something happens. What people like to laugh at, but cringe when alone with no one to laugh with them.Questions. So many questions.I’m probably just fucking losing it!………….bit by bit. I’d like to think that i’m too strong a person for that. That it won’t hurt to just take a quick look now and then. Yeah just a quick look. Won’t hurt will it. or will it?