They say I care but I really don’t. They think they know me but they never will, they don’t even bother. As long as everything’s easy and painless they can pretend to care but they always turn away in the end, or maybe it’s me. I don’t know and it doesn’t really matter anyways…
Where were my so called friends when *she* decided to end it all with a bottle of pills? Where were they when I once again cut myself and watched the blood drip to the floor?
So I put up acts and play with them, yes, I use them. Sometimes I don’t even mean to. Everything I do and say is an act because they can’t face the cold or the evil that looms below. They praise the day and I the night and from the shadows I watch…
if i may ask, have you told you’re friends of the hurt you feel? They cant read you’re mind, they dont share you’re pain.
Let them know.
Blessed Be
I understand exactly what you say. It was like reading my own thoughts written by someone else. I know that AbysnthFairy means well, and possibly your friends would understand if you told them. But I know in my case, every time I have tried to show my friends the real me, they don’t want to know, let alone even try to understand. They want to care, but only if there is nothing wrong. They are scared of losing the illusion of everything being all right. There heads are out in the sun, and they don’t want my shadows to stop them from having fun… and when it comes down to it, why should I bring them down, if they are happy deluding themselves.
If they aren’t interested in the real you, or at least willing to accept it, can you consider them *true* friends? A true friend is someone who will listen and try to help. A true friend is someone who knows when you’re hurting and doesn’t try to pretend that you’re not. A true friend is someone you can trust with your deepest secrets instead of worrying about bringing them down. At least in my experience they are. I’m NOT saying ditch them or anything, just try to find some others more like yourself, as well. Try to find even just one person who knows where you’re coming from. There are certainly ones people out there, I mean just look at how many are on this site alone! 🙂 Step out a little, go to new places, seek out new faces, and be yourself around them, so that you’re not faking from the start and wondering if you can trust them later on. You need to be honest with others as well as yourself.
Good luck with it.