As I have noticed by reading on this site some… everyone is cutting. well I wish I had that way out still. I’m the sort of person who doesn’t promise things (I dont like to feel obligated or tie down… i will probably never be married)
but anyway… I promised my boyfriend of almost a half a year that I wouldn’t cut anymore. The only real reason I promised him was because the promise was mutual. and I knew that if I didnt promise… he wouldnt have promised me. So yes we are both cut free. Sounds good I suppose… but it fucking sucks. My uncle is dying slowly and painfully of diabetes having several strokes a year and a heart attack here and there. While my 2nd uncle is dying with 8 fucking brain tumors and 6 lung tumors. he was cured over the summer… and magically the disease has come back. so they cant cure his brain tumors but they’re putting him through KEMO anyway so his last few months he can die and be more sick then ever. I have a hard time believing in something that makes so many fucking people suffer. My faith in religions has been gone for sometime. But no I cant take it anymore. And I miss the sharp edge of a razor through my skin… I miss watching the blood pour out. And I know that its terrible and graphic… but it’s true! And I’m afraid I’m gonna cut in my sleep like I use to. I have bad dreams and wake up with slashes and a bloody knife next to my bed… and it scares the hell out of me. I dont seak advice really… I dont really listen or take it… no offence. but if you want to comment its cool.
i don’t cut.
It’s fun, isnt it?
I made 23 slice’s in my arm’s, their fucking hard to explain, but it become’s hard to stop.Especially when it’s looked forward to…
Dont start again though.Your b/friend used to do it, so if you start and it dauses a breakup,there’s no telling how deep he will cut.
Try cutting each other, that is something I want to experience.
Anyway, enjoy my post
We all make our own state, our own place of being at any point in time. Think of all the good things that you did with your 2 uncles, remember them in better days, just be there for them, give them love in their presence for their sake. Feel sorrow honestly, that’s all you need to do, there is no need to attach it to other things in life as it will defeat the good things you have.
Illness in this way is hard to bare, but don’t let it bind you to the point where it destroys you too and other loved ones around you. There is no need. What you are doing now takes courage and patience and heaps of understanding. Think of better days, go visit and be there to make their days happier, at least then you can be content later that you did all that you could and all was not lost.
Your boyfriend can be your biggest support if you let him, the agreement is there, it is a good and just one. Stay with it, nothing is ever all lost.
Don’t say you’ll never be married. People change so much. I mean, lookit me, never stayin with anybody or lettin anybody tell me they loved me cuz it felt like it’d be hard work. Too much to maintain or something, but now lookit me. I’m permanently attached, and lovin it.
Illness, yeah I know from that. When I was fourteen the guy I thought of as my Dad had his first heart attack, and a year later his heart gave out totally. And I never got over it – but you know that’s okay because you just gotta see the things you learned from people, and know that they’ve affected you.
Be strong for them, yeah? Be somebody who can remind them that even if they can’t fight, they’ve done enough. That’s all they need from you – they don’t need your tears or your pity.
The cutting …. I don’t cut either. Not now. I got the scars, sure but they’re more memories than anything. Like something that happened to somebody else a long time ago.
Aint easy being strong – or even being who you want to be. But you don’t need it. It’s habit or compulsion or obsession and you can fight it.
But you have to want to, and I don’t think that’ll be possible until you find something else to focus on. When people stop cutting they think of it as a loss. It’s not a loss, it’s a progression and you can’t look back. You’re dwelling on it and digging it up over and over – you need distractions and alot of them.
Come to canada, take up boxing, i’d be happy to teach you.
Best wishes, Damian 🙂
I’ve never understood why people cut. And i don’t agree, i personally think it’s silly, but who am i to judge. Things always get better so take the rough with the smooth and life a long happy life.
V
x
mentioning your uncle’s, isn’t that just a big cop-out? i mean, no offence, but it seems like you’re just looking for an excuse, maybe i’m the strange one here, but i’m not that close with any of my uncles……if you want to cut then cut, but don’t blame it on circumstances. i smoke, not b/c i’m stressed, but b/c i have no reason good enough to not smoke. there is no reason why i do it, other than the fact that i like it. do what makes you happy. or unhappy, depending on your point of view.
cancer is always a good reason not to smoke. you might think cancer would be okay right now – but wait till you’ve got it. it aint all fun.
you’re really missing the point. in doing something i accept the risk. if and when i get cancer, i’ll have no one to blame. thatwas the point. to not blame your actions on the circumstances of other people or your own. i assure i’m full aware of the risks involed with smokeing, mainly for not being able to light up without someone comng up to me and telling me how bad it is for me, and i should quit. so i promtly blow smoke in their faces and laugh at the disqust.
hey love, just friendly advice – if you think you’re ready to handle it without shifting blame or feeling regret, you’re wrong. it seems black and white now – it ain’t. that’s all i’m sayin.
friendly advice? you completely missed the picture. you’re looking too hard here. the arguement had nothing to do with smokeing, it had to do with weak people who can’t stand up for themselves or their actions. my point, once again, is that one can hold no one but themselves responsable for their actions. simple as that. for me to blame anyone else on the cancer i may one day suffer from that i placed upon myself is ridiculous. there would be no excuse for me, nor an excuse for him to cut other than the fact that “i did it b/c i felt like it. there is no one else who can be blamed for my actions or their consequences.” TAKE THAT BLACKLIGHT! i’m only kiding. a good point, had it not been for the slight misunderstanding.
Its hard to stop, Im still in the process of it, but its so much easier not having to explain away the scars, not having the wounds rip open day or night and spill blood everywhere, not having to cover most of your body on hot summer days to hide the cuts… you know the rest.
If you really want to stop, it is possible.
If you want to know of alternative ways to deal with the urge to cut, get hold of me, my shrink gave me a list.
Be Strong.
i thinkyou are glorious, beautiful mess.
Mors, shush and listen for a sec. It’s not a misunderstanding on my part.
I’m just tryin to make you understand.
What i’m saying IS while it can be easy for you to say he/she/it only has themself to blame, it can’t always be that way. Our outside circumstances mold us and teach us, and they are partly to blame for wherever we end up. I’m just trying to make you understand that when the eventual outcome comes around (like the cutting or the cancer) you start to look back and see all the bits of the outside world who have brought you to this point. The blame is NEVER truly all your own.
Saying that things in the outside world have affected you and brought you to this point isn’t an excuse for your own behaviour, it’s true.
If you think you act entirely under your own influence, you’re wrong. Simple as that.
this has become a nature vs. nuture debate. you seem to be a determinist, and i am for free will. two sides of the feince, i suppose we can make this easy and agree to disagree.
oops, type-0. not determinist, a situationist. these type arguements have been going on for years in the science field.
it’s not nature versus nurture. that’s determining which has the greater effect on a human psyche. that’s not our aim at all. i’m simply saying that unless you live in a padded cell from birth till death then you’ll be affected by what’s around you. now that’s a scientifically proven fact. therefore, when it comes to blame for your current state, there are more factors to be considered than your own free will. nature vs nurture determines in what ratio these factors effect us mentally.
Oh and I never take the easy route if there’s a reason not to. If I chose the easy route then I wouldn’t be alive – there’s always something to say for fighting your way through.
Thankyou Mors.
Damian, I do agree with you (I am a psych student, so learning all this stuff), a persons environment has a huge affect on them, stating otherwise is ridiculous (No, my mothers death didnt affect me in any way…)
And Im glad you dont always take the easy route, I dont always, then I usually think I shouldve, but its worth it in the end.
oh for fuck’s sake people. first of all, i’m a psych student as well, and the whole thing is debatable. and the point of it was not weather or not someone’s enviroment had an effect on them, of course it does, but weather or not they would blame thier actions on it. the fact that someone suffered in some way at some point does not give them an excuse. it can be used as an excuse, but that’s called not being responsable for one’s actions. while i smoke, and things like stress and anxiety lead me to want to smoke, i ultimately have to make the choice. no one holds a gun to my head. while his uncle’s died, HE cut himself, knowing full aware of what he was doing and the effects of the cuts. if i getangry and kill someone, i can’t say “i was mad b/c he cut me off in the turning lane” and be justified. the point is that your enviroment doesn’t justify your actions, it simply gives you an excuse to give in to weakness.