I glanced at my right hand as I sat in Government class. Perplexing symobols danced around my skin. I wonderdered… Am I hallucinating?
I woke up this morning, took a shower, applied my makeup; All was fine. I drove to school, ditched gym, and dozed in Gov. class. My vision became blurred as Ms. Henforth droned on incessantly about bills and votes and….pizza? Did I smell pizza? No, I’m imagining. The scanned picture of Washington on the wall seemed to melt into a beautiful irredecent pink, and swivvel to orange. I’m tired, I tell myself. Ms. Henforth becomes fuzzy around the edges of her body and she seems to be speaking in slowed motion. I glanced at my right hand at the perplexing symobols dancing around my skin. Am I….. hallucinating? They churn and twist into broken letters, then into the words “Kill Ms. Henforth.” I broke into hysterical laughter. Kill Ms. Henforth? She’s such a nice woman. In her early twenties with no tolerance for lateness and low self-esteem. Why her? Maybe someone better deserving of slaughter like Dr. Crensch. Nasty ol’ bastard cranking at me for being late. Someone oughtta beat him over his arthritic back with a stick. Here again, the words swimmed and jumped and said “Kill Ms. Henforth.” Rediculous! I blinked my eyes hard. Ambry, get a hold of yourself! This is insane. You’re not going to an insane asylum to sport the latest strait jacket.
I drove home and slept. I woke up late at night, maybe 10:00, with the funny feelilng of hunger in me. Not stomach hunger…not human hunger…hunger for a life. Hunger for blood. My veins throbbed with this thirst. I snuck out and trod down the street, not really knowing where I was going. I ended up in another neiborhood. I saw someone unpacking groceries. A closer gander told me it was Ms. Henforth. I leaped behind a car, watching her. Uninterested, I left. The next day school was in a frenzy of the latest news. Ms. Henforth had been stabbed to death! The class expressed silent moans and whispers of pity. I was taken aback. Ms. Henforth stabbed? But she was too nice! She would never concieve failing a student because of her generosity. The school was full of rumors and remourse. I walked with Chandrid, my friend from middle school, after the bell rang. “I dunno, Ambry. Ms. Henforth was too good a person to be killed. She wasn’t bad enough to have any enemies, which I don’t believe she had. And if she did, she would’ve had to do something really bad to be stabbed.” I didn’t mention anything about the writing I’d discovered on my hand the other day. She would think I was fucked up. And if she did believe me, I didn’t feel like being incessantly berated about what hallucinagent I was on.
How many times will a person be plagued by the notion of insanity? Here again, I was simply doing math homework, when I noticed the skin on my right hand ripple. After countless minutes of rebuking the occurance it swirled in to the words “No More Chandrid.” Oh hell, not again! It spooked me out enough that my own hand was an omen of lives! I popped two sleeping pills and woke up groggy. My arms hurt. The room was dark. I tripped over some shit on the floor and found the light switch. I flopped back down on my feathery confortor when I noticed my hand. The discovery sent my head spinning and my stomach groping for nausia. There was a knife with crusted blood beside my pillow. My radio automatically snaped to a station where a news reporter was nervously broadcasting a murder. “Young Chandrid Cousa, 17, of Waterford, Maine, was violently stabbed to death by unknown persons. Police investigators suspect a derranged psychopath is on the loose.” Pictures, thoughts ran through my head. Ms. Henforth. It was me who killed her! When she was putting away her groceries I’d attacked her….Chandrid, my best friend……I killed my best friend!! I picked up the knife to examine the rusted contents on the blade. This time, without all the showyness it had before, the words on my hand were just there. I fell back on my bed. I watched in mere shock as it read “Kill Yourself.”
My breath came out in gasps as my left hand forced the blade toward my right shoulder……
Well that was a preety good story I enjoyed it. Government class, I may be in there next year.
I wish i could say i thought the sun shined out your arse, but unfortunately i thought this piece was very predictable and not really very original. However, i did like the way it was written, i thought that you put the story together well, it just seemed to fall apart at the end, for example this line:
"I tripped over some shit on the floor".
Here i think you were just rushing a little bit, trying to get the end, the details seemed to fade.
Also, a major factor if story writing is "Show don’t tell". By the end of the story we’d already gathered that you were the one killing these people and we’d already gathered that you killed Ms Hnforth so there’s no need for this line:
"It was me who killed her! When she was putting away her groceries I’d attacked her"
Overall it was okay though and with a bit of polishing up it could be a really good.
Vixodus
xxx
i thought this was well done. yeah, it was predictable, but it was cool how the main character didn’t even realize she’d killed anyone until the end of the story. you went from her following ms henforth to her car and then getting bored and going home so flawlessly that i really didn’t think she’d actually gone through with it. i like the beginning also, where you describe colors blurring. overall, well done. you should write more stories from the point of view of an insane person
ok awsome write, but I am baffled by something mabyee from my military expierience, how do you take a knife in the left hand and cut your neck to the right??? I am haveing trouble even picturing this….
-MCL- Rob Widit
"My breath came out in gasps as my left hand forced the blade toward my right shoulder……"
the left hand is holding the knife, forcing it to her right shoulder…you can’t have your left hand try to stab your left shoulder! lol.
Rose
i can do that. but i posted this piece around January and i see that it’s taken a really long time to post. but yeah, i can try writing more insane stuff.
Rose