The day I shaved me head was a strange one. I’d been itching all morning….unable to sit down cause my nerves were shot. i was still going through that really bad encounter with paranoia.
It was worse than the time I got so fucked up, I thought everyone new how fucked up I was and locked myself in the girl’s bathroom at school. This time it lasted months. I didn’t step out the front door in fear of snipers, cameras, and evil monsters of doom with a bounty on my head. My brains were ripe for the suckin’ and the FBI knew all about it…so I couldn’t count on them. I didn’t leave the house for months….and I was home by myself most of the time. I almost slammed the door on my teacher’s hand when he’d come to pick up my schoolwork and drop off new assignments. He soon grew tired of it and I’ve been a drop-out since November of 2001. I shaved my head and felt a whole lot lighter. Didn’t need lots of shampoo, and no towel drying. When I was in a good mood I’d even let my sister slap lotion on my head and draw stick-people on it with her fingers. Paranoia wasn’t as bad as I heard it to be. All was quite well in my own little worls…as long as all the doors were locked and every wondow was shut tight. Shades always drawn and music blaring, intoxicating myself to black out. Very lonely. I had no friends and one many enemies. I look back and only two of them were real. I snapped out if it all….I don’t remember when, but it was just like waking up. I wouldn’t mind going through it again, but why back-track. When you’re this fucked up, you don’t WORRY about other people. You care but at the same time you don’t. Why am writing this down??? It’s just a reminder. A reminder to myself that if those helecopters don’t stop hovering over my house, and those owls don’t perch their asses somewhere fucking far away from here….I’ll start locking the doors again and someone told me if I ever shaved my head again, they’d make me their lovely man-bitch.
have you tried to stop it? i am through so far and still the misery behind my back it does remind everytime i look around, it has happened since i’ve breed… do you feel like a lonier? does it make that comfortable? i hope it doesn’t, this will never stop bothering, you gotta stare aside your thoughts as we all do
Paranoia is a hideous curse one i suffer from myself, in the days when i am around friends they can turn into my worst enemies in a split second and my way of escaping is to get so fucked up on the closest drug no matter how heavy it is so im absolutely paralytic then i cant run from them but thats not good to do. I knowwhat your saying when u sed “When you’re this fucked up, you don’t WORRY about other people” that is totally tru when the world is out to get you who u hurt whilst tryin toget out doesnt matter
Here when ever u need me
D0//||//@RD5P1R4L