things movies teach you about computers.

Word processors never display a cursor.

You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.

All monitors display two-inch-high letters.

High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical user interfaces.

Those that don’t will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing “ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES” on any keyboard.

Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing “UPLOAD VIRUS.” Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors.

All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain’s desktop computer, even if it’s turned off.

Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn’t go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.

All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward.

-karl

14 comments

  3. Weird isn’t it, Karl, how unrealistic movies are about technology, yet we all sit and watch the stuff and believe it for a while?

  5. Ha!, yes that is one stupid name. By the way I have officially taken over Notyou as my login wont seem to work, whenever notyou posts there will be no signature but when I post I will leave a small -karl down the bottom, just thaught I’d let you know so you dont get confused over who’s who.
    -Karl

  6. what the kinda of motherfuckin crap is this?
    some fuckwittage cockanado report about computers?

    notyou bring some of attiude out.

  7. Starfucker just goes to show how weak minded you are,you actually think its interesting.

  9. What amazes me is that someone as intellectually lacking as notyou would actually notice that. Maybe we don’t give you enough credit for your intelligence,but either way as long as you’re an ass we’ll hate you all the same.
    So shut-up and go fuck a dolphin through his blow hole.

  10. hahaha,
    but I disagree on the line “as intellectually lacking as notyou would…”
    I reckon is quite apparantly untrue, from the shit I’ve heard s/he drible since finding this site.

  11. damnedone, i have to give u credit, that was pretty damn funny, oh yeh, and notyou, i was readin through some old post yesterday and i came across one by: deaths_advocate, he was commenting on something, he was defending suicidal bitch and i noticed he said something like: “notyou, quit trying to be funny and end your sorry half ass life, your nothing when you grow up your still gonna be nothing, all your ever gonna be is a peice of white trash on the side of the street giving handjobs to the rich so yuo can feed your prosituting wife and her 4 gay kids” and i just realized, that was pretty damn funny. Deaths..if your still uot there, good job, but ur still a gay filthy swine fucking crack-whore.

  13. will you lot try to understand that I’n not notyou, I’m Karl a guy that lives with notyou. notyou’s real name is Johannes I am Karl. pretty easy to understand no?
    and Halo, decent computer knowledge along with a keen eye and good sense of reality and irony are things which all reflect some sembilence of intelligence. and although I do not like starfucker ( I hate NINies ) I must point out that your attack against him/her was rather pointless and stupid. I shall now rant at you about how pathetic you are.
    Sie sind ein wertloses peice des Abfalls, das an der Geburt wie dem Hund ertrunken worden sein sollte, dass Sie die kostbare Nahrung zu vergeuden sind, reifen und entwickeln etwas Intelligenz oder sich toten, einfach und stoppen, die als, einen Idioten wie Sie lebendig halten besser ausgegeben werden konnte.

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