time again

I suppose this isn’t really poetry rather than random thoughts that have to go somewhere other than swimming in my head. Sometimes I just realize the repercusions of things I do to myself and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me…

I suppose this isn’t really poetry rather than random thoughts that have to go somewhere other than swimming in my head. Sometimes I just realize the repercusions of things I do to myself and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me… I can never understand myself at moments, but try to understand like another brain within one head, things just don’t seem right. I quit heroin a little while ago, only because I’ve been sitting in the Department of Corrections for a few years. So, I’m out now….. I feel so domesticated, it’s a culture shock at best description. I’ve come to see how crazy things really are in this world, especially after being on the streets and shooting heroin since I was 12 for 8 years, sitting in a cell for another two…. then all of a sudden its an apartment, a job, appointments with people I dont know, girlfriends who don’t have a clue how fucked up I really am and can be. The egg doner is trying to talk to me again. Sperm doner killed himself while I was doing my thing. I thought things would be better after I got off drugs. Things are now that much more apparent now that I’m aware of what’s going on around me. As well as that much more intolerable without dope. It’s a sick position to be in when you’re not sure if you can live with or without drugs. I look at a fuckin spoon while I eat captain crunch in the morning and think about it boiling with hot vinagar smelling heroin with a cotton in the middle and a syringe sucking it up. I look at peoples arms and say to myself, “fuck, I wish I had ropes like that when I couldnt find a vein!” every time I see something helpless, or that can be turned into a hustle, I get the urge to take advantage, but am left restraining myself from acting upon these trains of thought. It’s so fuckin wierd. At least I haven’t lost my pailish hue and sick style… I’m sick of people telling me shit like they thought I would look different when I got out and off drugs. Drugs didnt dress me up in the mornings, getting off drugs doesn’t mean a thing to me as far as how I look act think or am. I’m still the bitter asshole I always was. I still am going to shave my eyebrows and wear cracked out lenses, I still am not going to shave this long black strip of dreadlocks off my head. No, I’m not throwing away the knee-hi’s in exchange for the gay prada slippers, I dont care If they get you laid. I fuck just fine. I wish people would just take my good with my bad. I’m still the person who would expend myself for you If I care about you. It might be only because I dont value myself as much as I should, but be happy I would take your place in a bad position. If you do anything for me, I always return the favor 3 fold. My love has always been conditional, unless your name is Angelique and your alive. I miss the smell of popeys chicken in you and Marys apartment. Bumping Skinny Puppy and getting drunk on lots of cheap wine and fucking around with you. I wish you were still here with me today, this is a total paradice lost. You were honestly one of the few in the world who could talk me out of anything cause I never wanted to hurt you. What do I do now that your’e gone? I’ll come visit you on sundays and leave flowers behind. RIP. I suppose she’s one of the only reasons I haven’t went and did some dumb shit like blow my brains out or go overdose or any of those stupid thoughts, she always told me no matter what, I was here for something, or else I would have been dead through all the crazy shit I’ve been through……. and for some reason I just believe it. She never told a lie. sorry to get mushy on any body who’s reading this, but give me a break. I miss her and she talked me into getting off drugs, wich was not an easy habit to break. She really thought I was worth more, pretty rare seeing as how most people cant look me in the eye half the time. what the fuck is wrong with you guy’s anyway? I guess life isnt too bad. yeah, the world is going to hell in a basket. but It’s not always too bad. There is always the latest album of your favorite group coming out, there is always a girl for you, be it just sex or something better. trust me, I found out half of them dont care how you look, it’s about confidence and swayery. And if you sell your soul, you can make horrible music that sounds good to only you. and if your’e anything like me, the only place you have to go is up, cause you’ve already been at the bottom.


born, schooled, and beaten by life.


  1. Sick. Sounds like some rough shit man. I won’t say I can relate, cause I can’t.
    How did She die?…If you don’t mind me asking. You’re strikingly interesting. The kind of drug addiction you talk about is the kind I’ve only read in junky books. I don’t pity you cause it sounds like you’re on a flat, and everything else around you is at eye-level so you can see exactly everything that’s going on…and all those repulsive ignorants have nothing like that. And it sounds like you’re alot better off than most others, in your head space, even though you’ve been through more shit.
    What did you think about all the time when you were incarcerated? I’ve always wondered about that, but would never care if some big buh-buh named Bobby-Joe from Fort Worth were to explain it to me. I have nothing else to really say, cause now I want a response. So yea.

  2. I’m sure you could relate one way or another- Your’e from LA- shit goes down around there- I bet youv’e seen a few things yourself. I feel wierd exposing myself like this for people to read, like I’m naked or something (but for some reason it aint so bad when I really am naked!?) Angeliqes mom visired me a week after the last time her daughter put money on my books and visited me. She said some guy that she was fucking around with found her in her apartment on the couch with a needle stuck in her arm face down, she was all blue and shit I guess. Her mom said that she actually chocked on her tongue from sloping in some wierd position when she fell out on the dope. so I guess it wasn’t from an OD but rather a result from it, but she had enough in her body that if she hadn’t choked it would have been the drugs thst would have killed her. That shit FUCKED ME UP when I found out, I wasn’t too pissed about her fucking around on me because in all truth I don’t think I could hold out that long myself, but bieng in that state of mind was not cool to be in while being stuck in a pod with 60 other fuckers and no privacy, I way had to chill out, so I woulldn’t get myself into some shit with anybody in there. As far as the prison thing, It was better than the streets, I got to clear my head of a lot of shit, kick the habit even though there was plenty of drugs in there, and you got 3 hot’s and a cot, all paid for by the fucking government! I hate to admit it, but they saved my life in some sort of fucked up way. GOD I hate them. They are thugs. I chilled with crips of all people. I Look white, but am half puerto rican, so for some reason the cholos did not like me, they beat the fuck out of me a few times. Arian brotherhood, well they didn’t like me for the same reasons the cholos didn’t. So a bunch of crips let me kick with them, I think It was mainly cause they thought I was funny (that shit will get you by, there are a lot of people in there who need a good laugh). But I think it was mostly because I know almost every Easy E song written, thank god. I don’t think I’m going to post a lot of shit about my dead chick though. It can get a little old to others and yeah, that’s the past. And you seem strikingly interesting yourself there, I’m holding you to humping my leg, I don’t care about the rash.

  3. It goes something like this: I think the more caca you have eaten, the better the food tastes that every body else complains about, the shit is caviar. HA HA HA! I’m so stupid that I love myself- isn’t that wierd? ….sorry….sorry…I’ll shut up now.

  4. “Its amazing the will of instinct” So many times that you could have given in but havent, to drugs or suicide, does it make you a stronger person inside? ( I know that kinda ryhmes but its not an poem k? Even i am not rude enough to post on someone eleses submission) Your bitterness is strong and intruging, talk more. Your a much stronger person than i am, I dont know if i can get rid of my drug problem but i can admit that i have a problem. That youve been through that much and seem to have a pretty good mindset, do you think that drugs have anything to do with that? I mean i have only heard of a few like this and only seen one, and it was almost like he had no feel of right or wrong he almost killed me and then like two seconds later he laughed about it. I can relate to the street thing and to drugs but i am not willing to share about my um…… relationship with my friend so i dont think i could connect with you on that level. How presumptious of me, who says you even want to talk to me.

  5. Dude, I’m not some self rightious fuck, I’ll talk to anybody…you can learn a lot from someone who has’nt been through the same things as you, cause they got a different view, a different angle, it sheds light on areas that would otherwise be in the dark. I don’t go to narcotic anonymous meetings or any shit like that, they dont know how to live at all. They asked me to go “sober bowling”!? The only thing I could think is “why the fuck can’t you just go fucking bowling? does it really have to be sober bowling?” They sit on pity pots and often go back to the same shit. I think pain is a good motivator, cause if you really get burned are you going to touch the damn stove again? It’s afully rediculous to do the same thing repeatedly and expect different results. And drugs don’t have anything to do with a good mindset, I’m not always in a good mind set, actually, less than more… I am still a very fucked up individual in so many areas- It’s just not funny. But I like my character flaws- they keep out people that just don’t hack it in terms of demeanor, but at the same time I push a lot of people away that at times really do have a lot to offer, and that pisses me off cause I like to take advantage of everything in a negitive or positive way to the last drop…. I have to feed both sides of myself some how. Man this feels wrong talking so much about myself so much- but you guys asked me, so I wont leave you hanging, and I guess It is sort of gratifying in some sort of sick way, I just don’t want to come off cocky, even though I can be self serving at times.

  6. Yep^_^ Dont worry about talking about yourself too much cause I did ask, and I want to know, if I didnt I would just stop posting. Good thing to admit to that, being fucked up, me too drugs make me more normal but i havent done any in like three months so now most of my “Friends” think im crazy and dont talk to me but im used to that kind of rejection. If it makes you feel any better, you can give me your im and we can just talk about it, if you want, (soberly of course ^_^) I wont promise to hump your leg though.

  7. I like Idle leg humping threats, better when followed through with though. You can talk to me weather or not you are fucked up, I don’t care I have plenty of friends who do drugs- I just don’t do them for my own reasons of course- I’m waiting to get my service back from quest- i’m kinda in trouble with them for …..stuff, but should be back in up in a couple of days, I’ll email you with my new Im and shit.

  8. Ok thats good. Sorry i am a more modest person that like to get to know the leg their humping. I dont think i need to be fucked up to talk to you, even though my last post implied that I did, sorry.

  9. HEY! Are you insinuating that I cannot keep my promises??? Well, just cause I’m too damn intoxicated most of the time to keep track of my priorities doesn’t mean that…uhhh….ummmm….I forgot what I was going to say.
    AHHH well. You know, you don’t need to be so modest here. Alot of people can seem like hams on here (I’ve been known to), but you can tell when one’s sincere.
    “Sober bowling” huh. Y’know, my cousin’s in rehab and she adds sober to everything.
    “You wanna go sober walking?”
    “You wanna go sober to the beach?”
    “You wanna go sober pan-handling?”
    Funny thing is now that she’s sober, everyone thinks she’s on something all the time. And I’m running my mouth. Maybe shit you don’t wanna hear so I’m sorry. But hey, any time you’re ready to redeem your 1 Free Leg-Hump ticket, I’m always right here, rash and all. You should email me.

  10. Oh yeah, and just for the sake of some common ground I’m a mutt too. Only my hispanic side is Messcan and my “other” half is Armenian. AND I DARE YOU TO COME AND SNIFF ME. Well…I (emphasis on “I”) don’t think I smell bad. I don’t smell like beans :D!

  11. AAAWWW< GEEZ, WELL, as soon as I fucking get my service back from quest, I’m just gonna have to redeem my ticket, and now I really want to know what you smell like….HAHA, sober sniffing… and nelokrista- you are modest, a challenge for my finely tuned instruments of corruption…muwahahahaha…..I’m sharper than you think…That was corney, sorry…. I’ll be talking to the both of you as soon as I’m back up. Yeehaaaww.



    ::HUMP HUMP:: … … … uh-oh …::HUMP HUMP::…

    ::squish, squish, squish::…ohhhhh yeeeeahhhhhhh…

    …::lights cigarette::…awesome.

  13. Corruption? Me? I would like to see you try. Cant be that sharp now can you? Im not bleeding. ( I will regret this later cause i am in a really shitty mood.) so Sorry

  14. Wow i just read all of these posts and decided 1 you all kick ass
    2 V1V1 there has more brains then they let on.
    3 leg humping is a fad o_o;

  15. Yay, now we have yet another fad to add to our archives………….yay, also cloakedfigure please join in the “Corupption of your Online Being” marathon.

  16. Yay, now we have yet another fad to add to our archives………….yay, also cloakedfigure please join in the “Corupption of your Online Being” marathon.

  17. WAHOO! *acknowledged and loving it* =) So.. Direct me to the marathon o’ corruption and I’ll corrupt. As for the newest fad, I have no idea why and when you came up with this, but hey that just makes it funnier. *Still rolling on the floor thankful he was acknowledged* >.> …. where do you get those tickets?

  18. Already got you worked up i can see nelokrista- sorta like a strange stage of denial, hee hee. Leg humping is a trend? where’s your ticket then fluffy figure? NELO- don’t take me so seriously, I’m just foolin around, but I’d have to say you might be surprized at what I can do to someone when given the proper opportunity’s…. don’t have a fuckin heart-attack on me now- just being friendly- and cloaked guy, don’t rag on my post fuck face…. I’ll fuck up your hard drive. and don’t respond to this shit either, because I don’t care to here it sucka- but maybe I took you wrong, oh dwell…. AND SHIT… THAT’S WHAT I CALL A LEG HUMPIN!!!!

  19. Ahhhh yessss. And days later the afterglow is still goin strong. Forgive me if you haven’t been able to wash that sticky stuff off your leg. It might be the rash that’s making it cling.

    LMFAO….he called you “fluffy figure”!!!!!!!!!….I’m laughing so goddamn hard!!!!!

    Damn, my stomach hurts now.

    Anyway, fluffy, how can you call leg-humping a fad??? It started innocently enough when I was drunk and went buck wild at a party playing “Ding-Dong” with girl’s nipples and humping some of their boyfriend’s legs. Not everyone gets one though (unless I’m drunk). Vivisect got one for being almost obnoxiously hostile whilst stating his opinions (exclaiming his love for me didn’t hurt either). Yes, it was THAT SIMPLE….simple pimple….dimple…limple….clavicle…uhhhh…what?

  20. Yeah you took me wrong all right o_O i might have come off wrong cause i was pretty hosed and tired when i posted that, i wasnt ragging on anyhitng i actually think youre pretty kool, cept for that fluffy comment. Either way you gotta understand im pretty new so when someone like Nelo actually refers to me i get halfassed happy, thats the first time anyone has ever noticed me on these damned boards =) so yeah if i came off wrong be tolerant. The fad statement i think is cause ihave seen the term leg humping numerous times on these boards in my short time here.. so.. i have odd trains of thought, shutting up =)

  21. It’s all good, and look, you managed to get some referance and notification from me, i don’t know if that’s good though….. I’m not washing my leg for a while, I’m just going to smell it all the time. You know what’s horrible?, that’s the most action I’ve gotten in the past couple of months!!! HAHA…thanks. Man this posting shit is funny, elbow someone in the back and they jump ten feet high screeming… head thru the ceiling, heart thru the floor with a bunch of whimpering- Nelo, god man- you wear your fucking shit and heart on your sleeve, it’s not a bad thing, it’s kind of cute……….ask me what I mean by that, but don’t get mad when i answer, It’s cool talking to you, but it’s funny- let’s scratch the surface a little, you say I’m not so sharp cause your not bleeding… well you apologized for it right after you say it in the same post….. that’s like knowing you are going to drop a glass dish, apologizing for it before hand, and then proceeding to do it, silly rabbit, tricks are for kids. You have to look at it from here. I watched you contemplate the insult and how it would effect the insultee then say you’ll regret it for the sake of keeping safe ground with me, while trying not to look so innocent due to what I said in my post previous to yours- that’s funny shit on your sleeve for me to look at… rather than bite your head off, I’d rather just handle you carefully… like an abandon bird in the nest, don’t sweat it, just glisten………

  22. Ok, ill ask you what you mean then and im not really that bad am i? I am starting to regret acknowledging you fluffy…..jk. The reason i have a problem posting with insults is that i usualy get kicked off of the sub. cause they get all pissed at me or whatever. Cute? right…………… ill ask, i may regret it later but whatever sall good.Fluffy? that is freaking hilarious when ever i see you now i am so calling you fluffy!!! vivisect you kinda turn me on…..^_^ Masochistic sweetness i luv you, too funny you are. I am so glad that random attention makes you happy fluffy one

  23. Oh, and vivisect i live in a state of denial……………………

  24. kool i got a nickname? ohwell ill let you call me fluffy then. fluffy… where did vivi get fluffy out of my name? ohwell things could be worse one time i was nicked Cloakedfuckhead on a chat server -.-; so fluffy seems ok o_O

  25. I’m don’t really feel the need to kick any body off a post for stuff like, I figure if it was anything that bothered me, I would probably make them eat their word’s to the point that they would rather just leave than be humiliated beyond snappy comeback. Nelo, You’re not bad at all…. I like you a lot. Fluffy fluffy fluffy, it just kind of popped out of my mouth… With a name like cloaked figure I guess i just though you were trying to be some corny dark character…. so I had to call you that to make it look that much more ridiculous…. but hey, I guess whatever floats yer boat- I have no problems with you at all, i just thought you where calling my snookums trendy, that’s all. I can come up with something more fucked up if you want so they don’t call you fluffy.

  26. god i can’t spell, help me. lick you like candy, say that without closing your mouth Nelo. *wink wink* Where is my snookums?

  27. I’m looking for my goddamn aspirins. I’ve got half a goddamn bottle of tequila left and no goddamn apsirin to go with it. How am I supposed to start my fucking day???
    Trendy…haha…yeah that would be funny. I’ve been dressing like a homeless person for months but it doesn’t catch on. Wait till I stop baithing. The stench’ll get’em. Oh yeah I can smell it now.

    Look paw, I zapped me a weasel! Dem weasels make some tasty vittles!

    Nelo, I didn’t know you *luved* me. Before now it was like being in the same room with someone without even looking at them. Now your making me blush in places I’ve only blushed once or twice before.
    Careful Nelo. I’ll make you my Ding Dong bitch. I can’t guarantee I’ll keep my hands to myself so keep your nipples covered.
    Damn…shitty sleep sure does make a bitch ornery. I’m gonna go pick a fight with my neighbor and go back to sleep.

    Don’t go having any orgies without me!

    …where’s fluffy…I need a pillow.

  28. No im not trying to be ‘dark’. the cloaked figure thing came from when i tried to enter a chatroom anonymously and it stuck. I wasnt calling that trendy.. more of a one site.. thing.. fad was the first hting that came to mind.. odd how these insightful posts end up in pointless conversations on where a name came from and who needs a pillow.

  29. You asked where the fucking name came from, dope. YOUR OUTTA LINE!! IF YOU CANT CONTROLL YERSELF< WELL I’M JUST GONNA HAFTA CONTROL YOU FOR YOU!! damn kids…. didn’t your mom leave you in front of the TV like everybody elses? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GOD DAMNIT!!?? I AIN”T PLAYIN NO MORE FUCKIN GAMES! SHHIIITTT!!!! sound like anybodys dad yet?

  30. Vivi, T.V. raised me. The day Mr. Rogers died was a day of mourning for me. He was my daddy. And Sesame Street was my hood. Bert and Erny where my moms. Occasionally I’d meet up with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and go gang bangin. Shootin up on some whack ninjas. They were on crack. MUFUCKA.
    and NNNNNO! My hands do what they please WHEN they please thank you very much. Watch out, they prefer the female roundess but they have been known to pinch a few man tits. and asses. and nootsacks. wrinkly nootsacks. SNIFF IT. BITCH.

    Fluffy, where the hell where you?? I ended up using a trashbag. With trash in it. The stench wasn’t so bad but I think there was a broken bottle in there or something…something kept stabbing me in the face. Ahh well. Vivi, where’s Nelo? She’s gotten awful quiet all of a sudden.

    Does anybody know how this turned into our own little forum>?

  31. Fluffy makes a poor pillow anyway πŸ˜‰ As for v1v1.. yeah you told me where you got fluffy and i told you where the actual CF thing came from.. i think you really need to be more easy going. ohwell you have fun with that one. i already know you have somehting to say for that, dont disappoint me.. Yeah Nelo is pretty quiet.. maybe its cause v1v1 told her to guard her nipples.. just a thought and.. no my dad never sounded like that .. he always had somehtign to say about ya though that was for sure. …. and that’s a screwed up TV family man.. mister rogers freaked me out.. bert and ernie.. moms.. lol..

  32. uh yeah my dad like left me in front of the tv when i was a kid and i tryed to record it onto a tape but when i put it in it was a gay prono and i have been messed up ever sence:(

  33. Masochistic Sweetness told her to guard the nipples, not me… sorry, you’re going to be dissapointed cause I really don’t have any comeback for you, other than don’t get you’re panties in a bunch…. cause i’m always just fucking around (most of the time anyway) NO FUCKING LIE….. my mother is a psychologist and is friends with misses Rogers, ( she too is a psychologist) just funny you mention him, my mom went to his funeral-they both lived in denver and broadcasted the show from channel six (public broadcast) I swear this is no lie!! I can give proof somehow I’m sure. anyway, yeah- where the fuck is nelo? She better not stray to far from home…… I had no clue I gave direction to anybody’s hand but if it get’s me in trouble with you- that’s fine by me. just make sure you beat the piss out of me…SNIFF SNIFF- I’m glad this is more of a personal forum- we don’t have to deal with endlessly tedious amounts of ridiculous coments from endless lines of faceless dumbfucks. It’s a beautiful thing, i just hope it lasts.

  34. i agree with everyhting he just said.. well the stuff i understood

  35. I beleive you Vivi. I’m a surprisingly gullible little twit, just can’t help it. I’ll believe you till you give me a reason not to. I really was upset when Mr. Rogers died though. There was nothing creepy about him to me. He just seemed like a nice man. The ones who were creepy were all those psychos in the land of make-believe.
    Anyway, what HAS everyone been up to. I wanna know what Nelo’s doing. And where Vivi’s good reads are. And why hasn’t anyone shortened my name yet???

  36. It’s a name that should be fully staded, and besides- how could we really shorten it? No need to be gullible, cause oddly enough, it’s the truth. I’m gonna put up more stuff as soon as I get my net back…………. i’ll email you with a funny story about msn when it’s back up…

  37. msn is a whore v1v1, i cant block spams and now i cxant even check my mail. the shortest we could make masochisticsweetness’ name is masochistic.. or masochist.. otherwise it just doesnt look right. and nelo is bootin aroun some other posts, ir was when i last checked

  38. ass, i was not! my com is infected and now i have to travel out in public to use a computer with internet access and that is a meticulous torture in itself miss you all to some degree cause i have no friends razorblade kisses everyone fluffy i think ill rape you

  39. msn is stoooopid, let me tell you…. I hacked the phone line box in my building and spliced my nieghbors dsl line to my apartment, then hacked the qwest server to set up an acount to for myself and used thier own money to pay the phone bill. They had no idea what was going on for a while cause I set up a dial up before the dsl filter so they couldn’t get the IP address to my computer. I guess the niehgbor would log on to the net and would see pages I was looking at, and called qwest, well they sent some guys out to check out the line and saw that I had spliced it and it led to my apartment… and vuala, they busted me! so they threatened to file charges unless I paid them by the 7th of this month for the damages and backpay of phone bills, wich I did, but now I’m fucked on rent… better to have paid them than to violate parole though…. Fucking funny…. But never the less, they were stupid enough to give me a legal account to fuck with again.

  40. I dont know if this helps nelo, but go to adaware.com and spybot… they work pretty well and they are free, also try erasing everything in temporary internet folder from the control page, it should clear out enough shit for you to log on long enough to install the anti virus, or just completely reinstall your internet software if you dont mind getting rid of your settings, hope that helps…..maybe maybenot.

  41. my comp broke down too o_O; and as for raping me, peh.. youve never been to GAC. and that’s a nice piece of work you had there v1v1. heh the local unix my friends and i use doesnt work anymore either.. it’s a piss off. need better computers

  42. HEY, she threatened you with a good time, no fair. I’m thinking about using the new mac cause of the OS (based off unix) fully configurable, PC’s just don’t let you do that, fuck microsoft. But yeah, unix is dope with dial up…….most people would say whaaa? but it’s good for it’s purpose, and that’s just hack hack hacking fun!

  43. This was one of the most interesting threads I have ever seen while dicking around online. I just had to crash. I aptly named myself according to a comment I think Viv made. Viv, reading about experiences like yours always make me want to have them. You have one of the most beautiful minds I’ve ever seen. I wish I had your experience, but I know I won’t do the things it takes to have it. But, fuck, you’ve fuckin’ lived life on fire. You burn really fuckin’ bright. So, here I am, crashing you guys’ forum. Just one faceless fuck. Though, fuck, is my first name.

  44. I said,
    “…reading about experiences like yours always make me want to have them.”

    My dumb-ass meant,
    “…reading about experiences like yours always makes me want to have them.”


  45. That has to be unexpectedly one of the best compliments I have ever recieved! Thank you! I always thought my head and mind were full of rotten things, well they are more than I let on at times, but yeah, I thought everyone else saw my mind as rotten as well. Now I’m going to have a big head. I’ll try not to let it get to me. No need to correct yourself- i understood the message you were trying to convey. These experiences are good to have under the belt, but burning so brightly calls for quicker death. i have hep c, thought i had HIV until two months ago (wheeew!!!!) I seriously was going to kill myself, but as long as i can still have sex, I’m game to be alive…it’s wierd that sex was an ultimate deciding factor in wheather or not I was leaving. I need a new liver too. it really put me through the grind, I’m just glad i had enough brain left to pull out in time.

  46. Yeah man, I’m glad I got the chance to meet you. All that shit that’s wrong with you sure does give you strength that shines through, though. I can read it in your writing. You have such an unhindered attitude. I love your honesty. It’s very powerful. I put myself through a little trial by fire when I was younger, but you went to a place I only looked at. I was definitely close to spiraling down that hole, but I was scared straight.
    That is some scary shit about thinkin’ you had HIV. That’s really funny about the sex, though. Fuck it, I’m with you. If I couldn’t have sex and had a life-ending disease, I’d just save the disease the trouble. I’m glad you weren’t thrown off by me suckin’ your dick. I don’t just come out and compliment people I don’t know ’cause, even if they deserve it, most people take it as a cue to act like pricks. They start thinking they can trade me for cigarettes or something. Then I just end up fighting. I could tell you were cool, though. You have such a humble attitude. Besides that, I’d read what you would post and it would either make me laugh, sit in amazement, force open my eyes, or nod furiously in agreement. There was no way I couldn’t at least say, Hi. Anyway, I’ve rambled enough. I’m glad you don’t mind this faceless fuck posting in here. Lates.

  47. Yeah, the whole HIV thing was crazy to me, i was sure i had it cause I had been fucking this chick and sharing needles and shit with her even though I knew she had hiv…. I guess i thought i was goona be dead sometime in the future from the drugs, or get shot or some shit, so i didn’t care i guess. it was a fucked up situation, I had been fucking my best friends sister after I got out of DOC even though i was pretty sure I was HIV positive, as well as a few other girls, but it was fucked up cause she has a kid, and was starting school and shit…. i felt super fucked up at times, and other times I just wanted my instant gradification, and did not care. So, at heart i can still be a very fucked up person I suppose. Yeah, I was going to be a pussy and blow my brains out and not even let anybody know what was up. But i really wanted to know if I was positive or not…. so i got tested. I guess i’m a lucky fuckin bastard. You should post of your own endevours, i like to here other peoples shit. i’m an introvert at times, and hate people face to face, so I’m all ears.

  48. I got tested a few months ago. Was pretty sure I’d test positive due to my slutty endeavors a few years back, didn’t stop me from doing shit with people I knew I shouldn’t be doing it to. And you gave me a laugh cause I thought the exact same thing…I was pretty much going to fucking chuck myself off a building or cut away at some major arteries in my leg cause I sure as hell wasn’t gonna live with the shit. Not cause of I was scared of catching a cold or anything, but because I saw no point to living. I don’t know…I stopped really thinking about it as much since then.
    I can’t email you squishy. I don’t have your addy.
    You know what I was thinking about today?…
    …If the boards were an orgy Vivi would be in the middle.

  49. He is the most experienced. So, it makes sense.

    I know what you mean by instant gratification there, Viv.
    I might just post some of my experiences too. I just feel embarassed. Kind of dirty. I’m sure you know what I mean. Anyway, I’ll think about it.

  50. My addy: vivisect1@msn.com or dreadmessiah@msn.com
    Yeah sometimes i feel naked on the boards, but naked is good. dirty is better, and the majority of kids who read this are 13-16 so if you expose yourself to kids it’s better, kind of like a peteophile. cool, im an orgy center piece, but it takes two to start it

  51. Alright, I’ll be the second. Orgy officially started. Hmmm, expose myself to kids. That would definitely be a new experience.

  52. Sorry Faceless, but I’ve already molseted him. He’s got my sticky juice all over his leg….
    …Now who’s gonna hump me? huhuhuhuhuh….Teabags….the shit that pops into my head man…

    EXPOOOOOSE AWAY!!! hahahaha Dicks are funny looking. But I seriously think pussy isn’t very attractive. It looks like a fucking stab hole. Someone stabbed your crotch and kept jabbing it in and out and squirming it around…so there’s meat flaps and a few holes and a protruding nub. If I was god, that’s how I’d have done it.

    And if I was making a man, I’d use lots of playdough… … …and a pipette.

    …Just out of curiosity, how many of you SHAVE???

  53. I shave everything on most occasions, it’s just a pain to keep up with, the ingrown hairs and all, I Don’t know how you girls do it. That shit does look like a stab wound, and penises look like funny noses with a wierd chin and a gotee in the wrong place. Sex is fucking sick, but I can’t say no to it……..PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP………Has anybody had a dutch oven done to them? This girl I was fucking around with asked me to…..I dont know that she could bare it from me though, it was sick funny shit. what shall I hump?

  54. What the fuck’s a dutch oven? Sounds funny. Yeah, ingrown hairs are a fucking pain and shaving without cutting a lip is more like an artform. Move swiftly an smoothly cause if you stop you’re gonna add another slice. But I mostly save the shaving when I know I’m gonna being putting my hands up some skirts and letting them put their hands up mine.

    …christ squishy, look what I’ve done to your post. I deserve a spanking!

    P.S. I’ve got a pair of tits that haven’t felt much in a while.

  55. Fine, Maso. I’ll lick the stickiness off.

    I’m unshaven. I hate shaving and only do so to my head and face because of my job. I’m equally curious about the dutch oven.

    As for the tits, I’ll take the left and, Viv, you take the right. Wow, orgies are fun.

  56. ::pets Nelo:: oooooohhhh, how I’ve missed you. I lack female company. Look at them! A bunch of wolves they are! But it’s ok. You’re here now…

    The twins have a double date with squishy and Faceless. Would you like to give them a hand? I sure wouldn’t mind.

    When’s fluffy coming back? He’s missing all the fun.


  57. hmmmmm sounds like fun but if they get the up high i want the down low -.^ kk??? wha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! as for fluffy i have him locked in a damp dark area at my house ( he is an amazing lay by the way and he is all mine,well maybe ill share if you ask nicely and do me a few favors…………………………. still think im modest?? ( not typing this to prove im not i just like you guys now)

  58. A dutch oven is when you pull a wet blanket your partners head and fart underneath it…. now I’m not super keen coprophilia, but I am indeed a urophile, i like peeing on people and love girls to piss on me, it’s a degredation thing I suppose, i also like girls to beat the shit out of me, Laying naked on a hard floor and having a girl kick the shit out of me would have to be one of my most favorite thing to be done, i seriously stand up from a descent booting with a fuckin boner, but they have to kick me in the face, yell at me, pull my hair and spit on me and shit…. maybe burn me with a cigarette or something to that effect. But I also have to be in control of the situation, so as to be in control of the person hurting me, in turn, i am really just hurting myself..It’s wonderfull shit. I think it would be funny to chew on a nipple like bubblegum……Your boob would be busted when i got finished, stitched teeth marks and all…………somebody break my nose please…..

  59. Oh yeah, you two girls better watch your rear ends, i lick relentlessly, rim jobs and all….mmmmm

  60. LMFAO!!! OMIGOD my cousin walked into a hot topic and asked a guy to give her a rimjob, then he started on how he and his boyfriend were into that shit…pissed her off that he wasn’t straight.

    I’m not a coprophile, but I’ll pee on you if you like! πŸ˜€
    The violent fucking is hot…but I don’t usually like to be the dominant one. Though I will do it if you’re pissing me off. I get a kick out of fellatio, I got off by simply eating out a girl once. I think it was the way she kept making these little noises…and inhaling…really fast. And I loooove when guys talk shit to me. Like “WHORE! YOU FUCKING WHORE! DIRTY FUCKING BITCH! I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!!” and then jerks my head by my hair or slaps me…and then makes it hurt.

    Are Nelo and I really the only girls here???

  61. No, I’m a hermaphrodite, so I can be considered part girl.

    Wait, I just checked…I’m a guy.

    I’ll skip on the dutch oven. I’ll take the beating. Also, Maso, you’re a god-damned dirty little cunt **SLAP**. Alright, your turn.

  62. FUCKIN BITCH! I SHOULD GRAB YOU BY YOUR FUCKING THROAT AND FORCE MY WAY IN! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ? HUH? FUCKING SAY SOMETHING BITCH!FUUCK! DO YOU LIKE THAT SHIT YOU FUCKIN RABBIT? PIECE OF SHIT!! you then would PUNCH me in the nose making me bleed on your chest, I would then voilently grab your hair and jerk your head to the side hitting the back of your head on the wall, and then spit nose blood in your face and continue crying, cursing and raping like a bitch while biting my lips till they bled.

  63. GOD I’m fucking rock hard now…

    …no wait, that’s a dildo.

    Jeezus, how do I come back to that??? I’d throw you up against a wall and bite and shove my fingers where they don’t belong, but there’s no transportation vortex in the computer. Now, you know all this dirty talk isn’t gonna let me sleep….if I do I’ll wake up clawing the bed and shit and then the neighbors will start complaining…

    …crap, I’m gonna need new batteries…

  64. I am crowning us the coolest bunch of people in the universe. This forum rocks. Sure does suck we aren’t all in one place. You guys would be a cool group of people to hang with on a daily basis.

    I have to leave the orgy for a bit. I’ll be going on vacation. Do I get a goodbye kick to the gut?

    Type at you all again in a week.

  65. Even better.

    Here’s a good kick in the face and I’ll rub my boobies on it to make it better. Hope you have fun.

    And is it just me or is titty sweat just the best smelling sweat ever??? Kinda buttery. I need to stop going through peoples laundry.

  66. hmmm how is it that we can act like the bi’s that we are but you wont even admitt to it? why is that, guys ? i know one of you has to be…….. if im wrong one of you beat me up………..please

  67. hey where is fluffy he fell off like i did
    oh hes on vacy right ?
    sorry for all the posts i is trying to get catched up

  68. I’m not bi- I’ve definetly thought about it, but I think I’m just too mortified at the thought of laying up in a bed all cudly with another guys nasty body against mine too much to actually persue any birelations with another male…SHUDDER…gross, I don’t know how chicks even fuck with men… that’s probably why the majority of girls i know are bi or les, i dont blame ya…..but somehow I always manage to pull some girls….maybe I look femi9 or something, wich doesnt bother me at all if thats the case, I think it’s ridiculouse when dudes try to get all tough and shit, it’s just too funny to handle, i would imagine girls would rather deal with a femi9 guy who could put the break on a scumfucks head when it really came down to it, am I right? but secretly it’s all about muscle and blood underneath something apealing to the eye- or purposly distorted beuty, which can be even more apealing…blablabla. sorry…. i went too skinny puppy two nights ago and have not gone to bed yet…the best show ever!!! and i somehow managed to turn out a les….this chick could have had her pick of the littre and had any guy licking her feet at the snap of a finger, but for some reason, she came home with me…. i just gotta brag somewhere, I’m proud of myself! she’s like 6-5 ( with the 6 inch stilleto’s, those just straight up ad an extra set of X cromozones to her somehow) she had blood red hair down to her ass, full leather corset and skirt with latex gloves that went to the shoulder, and the fucking prettiest face i think i have ever seen. It was wierd cause of the deed was done, she tells me she’s les!? She told me i was a lucky fucker and left my apartment, but to call her again and not to say anything to her girlfriend. I’m pissed, I’m gonna fully turn this into something somehow, i can tell It’s going to be quite the endevor though….but i got skills, i’ve done this before, but I think Im rusty……………..

  69. hey, i just figured out how to break the 180 second rule! despite the time it says i left the post after the prevouse, i left it 1 minute after. I pressed submit, but before it even has a chance to give the dumb rule thing, i clicked outside the submit box once and it posted….

  70. Hey, ITS NELOS BIRTHDAY!!!!!, M.S., you know what that means don’t you? It looks as though she has turned 18, and therefor must be given adult passage in all forms in her bodily passages, starting with a birthday whipping and many/any other pleasures we can think to inflict upon her through corny cyber sex/virtual vortex means.

  71. Wow. I don’t find feminine guys attractive…

    …wait…well, feminine in personality. I hate the clingy, hug me, hold me, I want to CUDDLE types. When I’m with a guy I totally wanna be the bitch. Feminine looking guys are hot though. And I have a thing for gay guys which I know totally contradicts the not liking feminine in personality guys thing, but with a gay guy I LIKE being the man and don’t completely consider them male anyway, whereas when I’m with a female, I turn into Mr. sensitive-all-about-your-needs-guy. That or psycho-Ima-fuck-your-brains-out Miss S&M. I had my first crush on a girl when I was 9. I’m still exploring my sexuality though since I’ve very successfully veered away from any relationships of either sex. Plenty of play though, and I’ve gotta say, girls just get it done better.

    ::tinkle tinkle tinkle tinkle::

    There you go squishy. Feel better? Maybe Nelo and I can double team you later. HAHA! It’ll be a Vivi sammitch and squishy’s the MEAT! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    Nelo, where are you? Imma spank you sooo hard your nipples are gonna feel it! Then I’m gonna tie you up and lick you where the sun don’t getcha and double dip ya with the Vibro 360 and the Blue Dolphin while giving your thighs a good clawing! Vivi feel free to penetrate whatever you like!!! Just don’t pack any holes too tightly…I’ve got plans for that sweet mouth of hers.

  72. BTW, how great was Skinny Puppy. I’ve always heard about how good they were. I’d love to see them sometime. I’m just weary of the crowds, I know how rowdy people get and I’d hate to break something just for being there.

  73. yay now i feel special and noticed again, i actually got thrown out of a skinny puppy show but i was too high to remember. My friend had to tell me after i woke up at a homeless shelter so that was uber amounts of fun. I like the clingy guy types, and the androgynous tough guys too. but you know what sucks? being like a 5’2 blonde,bi and getting more pleasure from 2 fellow psychos than i can from a real human so bring on the dancing squirlys. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! oh vivi i could of told you how to break the little 180 rule how do you think i got the patience to wait that long to post all my lilttle messages. Maso i am sooooooo looking forward to it.

  74. Am i late or early for that b’day suit party? took me forever to figure out where “the thread’ was located. Happy Early birthday Nelo. Make sure you come prepared for the ultimate sadist celebration. According to Vivi, that’s what the party will entail. I’m all ready.

  75. well, I ment femi9 in a looks sort of way, I don’t think I’m all too feme in either arena, but some people think i look it because most guys dont wear knee highs or shave their body or wear contacts, and i have kinda high cheek bones, so I guess thats kinda feme. I fucking hate glam shit though, that shit is horible and too fuckin corny, i like the tattered holey leather pants and dread look, i think i look masculine compared to some of the guys I see at shows. I definetely do not portray a feminine attitude, as you all have seen Im sure….but whatever. Skinny puppy sick as fuck…they have the best live shows out of any band i have seen… I was covered in cow blood at the end of the night. yuuummaay. I cant believe ogre is almost 50, he looks 25 or 30 at most. I’m pissed cause I’m sure this will be their last tour ever.FUCK. Nobody’s late, this is an extension of what has been up or down. And boy oh boy,,,,,, nelo- well if it was up to me…… Id do to you what was done to me on my eighteenth birthday. We had a show, my friends band chapter 23 was playing, and the lead singer shoved a 45 in my mouth while willing paticipants took whips at me with a cats 9 tail, each strand had a mess of broken glass, bent fish hooks and barb wire….it fuckin hurt, but I was recompensated with a three girl orgy, who were lesbians, I guess they wanted to get their rocks off for a kick, I was a flesh dildo. but in your case, well it would be me, Mammory Soup, and knight… I suppose i would plead with MS to share down their, we could fight over it….two heads are better than one ya know….then we could double team you in a double pennetration. me with my jonny(woah there big fella) and Masochistic Sweetnes with a nice big black latex dildo……….and knight, well, thats up to you two….heehee.

  76. vivi you need to send us all a pic of you so we have a face to put with an outgoing, horny, sadistic, intelectual. ok then, i refuse to share maso. the whips sound like fun. and where the hell did fluffy and fuckface go. we need more girls if we want a real orgy.

  77. I have no digital camera, my roomate does though, ill figure something out…do you check your emai? i sent you some pics of a show me and some friends played in an abandon sinugog/church…I sent it to the email addy on your profile a long time ago. Faceless went on vacation and will be back in a few days, fluffy couldnt hang perhaps…I don’t know….If you can’t share, than i will simply have to steal from you, even if it is your birthday. it aint no fun when your dog can’t have none.

  78. oh now thats not fair, i think i would do a better job anyway so she may not take you. No i didnt get your pics try nelokrista13@yahoo.com but the one on my profile was deleated so whtvr. What did you get me?

  79. Considering i’ve never experienced an orgy or anything overly sexual in nature (besides french kissing) i would give this a shot. It’d give enlighten me. I can’t imagine what it would be like to see Ohgr or Skinny Puppy perform, but i bet it’d be a great experience considering how i react just listening to their albums. When i was younger people use to say i act femmy but not so much anymore, maybe cuz they dont wanna insult me or i’ve grown out of it. But i was told by a girl that it’s weird for a guy to spend 6 hours to get his hair done. But it’s only once….cuz after that it’s just washing and drying (u know dreads) little cute ones that everybody keeps asking to touch even at the pedestrian. I hate the idea that there’s still people who think your weird because you take care of your hair than the average guy. I’m glad i’ve got a better mentality. I get these looks it’s not even funny. But now i just smile at everyone and try to be myself as much as possible. I think i am now accepting the fact that i am guilt free and ostracized.

  80. Unfortuanately, my fuckin cats knocked my laptop off my table, and when it got repaired, they had to whip the drive, including a lot of pics I had from shows, so now I must make up and take more pics…..I’ll send you something via email for your b day…Im just not sure what yet though, but it’ll be fuckin cool….we should all exchange pics, so we can more clearly see each other when talking on forum…. i have little images in my head of what we all look like. And ogre sounds just like on the albums, it’s amazing, but he did not use any processing like on the old stuff they used to put out. i also got to see Tweaker(chris vrenna) that shit was good, except for it kind sounded like an industrial version of Jane’s Addiction, i’m not sure if that’s good, but I like both bands to death. Perry Ferrel is the shit…have any of you seen the gift? Anyway i’m beat from bar hopping. good night.

  81. Poor, Poor knight maybe ill rape you,and put you in my basement too. You can meet fluffy!! Yay for pics. ive seen some of those but i dont have enough money to see more than like 10 shows a year. i dont have any pics i burn all of mine, i dont think i have any even out of a year book i never showed up for any.

  82. girls can’t rape guys. if we get an erection, then we like what’s happening. Get a camera dodo. fluffy can’t hang(maybe from a rope, haha). This my friends, is getting boring. I feel like doing horrible shit right now. I need to “shed skin”, I think i’m going to get rid of a few things going on, as well as a few people. I fucking hate everybody i know. Don’t mean to sound all over dramatic. I’m really hating life right now. I beat myself up last night… I thought I was going to bed. I’m all fucked up. my bodt hurts. I think i need to go get stitches. I started over disecting my thoughts while I was obliterated and kind of flipped out on myself and cut myself up with a broken cassette tape. I never had any idea that plastic can cut that deep. i have plastic splinters stuck in my arms and stomach and chest I think. God it’s wierd, i turn into a super violent primate when I’m drunk. All my shit is broken. Sometimes i just wallow in my brain and start feeling like I need to empty blood so I can feel like a shell of a person again, I fuckin hate it, i haven’t done this in a while. i need to chill on the alchohol, the hep c kills my liver. maybe that’s what i’m shooting for I think.

  83. Ok, i’m sorry, I haven’t been to sleep for about four days….whenever the puppy concert was. I need sleep and food. I get all out of sorts and out of control sometimes. I feel all super dizzy and lightwieght and wierd and shit. I feel like I’m coming down from a speed spree. So excuse me. Nothing I said was directed at any of you. I’m a fuckin crybaby, sorry. one minute I’m ready to conquer our shitty planet and the next minute I’m trying to do myself in. and all of a sudden i’m just so nutral. Then I just start brooding about shit and people, I could do without them. that’s for sure. Sometimes i want to grab a sledge hammer and start smashing peoples heads like watermelons. It’s not even that they might have done anything wrong, i just don’t see a need for them in my agenda, and it seems like they slow me down, and really I don’t like them. i just keep them around for stupid reasons. i guess i’m just a kind of narcisistic nuerosis like that. And fucking myself up, It feels good, and reinforces what I miss in myself. I guess I’m just fighting myself. But it leaves me feeling relieved, and you know that there is something to feel, cause I’m not feeling much of anything else lately, just kinda empty. It’s kinda richual. Its a way to experience yourself in all gluttony, lust for attention, hate for yourself and others as well as redemption for anything you are regretting, but can’t fix. so brake yo’self niggas………

  84. I think you might be bipolar. I also think you need to get a girlfriend. but you know, never listen to another self-destructive loser that doesnt sleep and does drugs. and when you think about it……oh shit fuck this i am not going in to my philosophy of life at 2 in the mornign

  85. yeah, but primarily I’ve been diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder.

  86. I’m not sure how IM works, but i do not Have a yahoo IM, I use msn. It’s VIVISECT, if you have an msn account, you can get one free i think.

  87. you fit into me
    like hook in eye
    a fish hook
    an open eye
    wince twice double,
    three times tripple blink
    blood tears
    drop hit dry
    splash goes the drip
    tastes like salt
    on my open lip
    terror squeek maul
    teeth grind
    bitter like
    lemon rind
    brings smiles
    to the face
    from my grace
    we all have our place
    but who the fuck
    is laughing now?

  88. I think you might be bipolar. I also think you need to get a girlfriend. but you know, never listen to another self-destructive loser that doesnt sleep and does drugs. and when you think about it……oh shit fuck this i am not going in to my philosophy of life at 2 in the mornign.

  89. sorry bout that im off just a little.whoooooooo. cool poem, you want i should snap my fingers?

  90. darkling, i would never do anything so atrocious. it was really good i mean it. since we are both on here what is your yahoo im?

  91. hey what is Borderline Personality Disorder? I mean, I probaly know it but I get it confused with all the other mental illnesses that i encounter everyday. where did maso go? Vivi are you saying that you can splice cables and steal internet service without being caught and you are confuseded about IM? whooo pics all around.

  92. Look on the net and see what it is. Yeah, I am saying that I can splice cables, but I got caught. I’m not really confused about IM, i just dont really use it. I’m not Mr. internet and it definetly isn’t my only medium of socializing. My roomates brother taught me how to hack proxy servers and splice cables and shit, I’m not all that good yet,thats why i got caught.

  93. Vivi, did i offend you in some way? I dont care if your mr. Internet i dont think any of us are, I know that we all have some alternative way to meet people other than the net. I am sorry i will just keep my goddamn mouth shut.

  94. Gore Vidal all the way; but most would not consider him an existentialist. (it’s arguable) But Neitzchte puts them to shame. Too bad he went insane from syphilis. Nelo, I was not too offended, I sometimes am kinda paranoid ( I am not right in my noggin this month I think, but not too sorry for it either), I sometimes think people are double talking at me, and as I cannot hear your tone of voice, it’s safer to assume the you are bieng sarcastic like all the other silly fuckers and be wrong than to take an insult like friendly talk. I have no saving grace. (dont say any wierd shit like assume makes an ass of u and me, People get me off guard with that sort of cheesy shit.) I love you. CALM THE FUCK DOWN DAMNIT! Oh yeah, Knight, you should check out any Nihilist authors you can find as well. Kinda like existentialist, but a little bit more crude, you have to get to the stage of nihilism to reach existentialism- not like a religious matter or anything, just different states of mind. the nihilism clears you of all thinking that was givin( teachers, parents,superstition, SOCIETY) so that you can see the world for what it is made of and how it really works, as well as interaction with others after “enlightenment” of existechialist’. I like it because it serves no gods, no masters, and you deal with the world as it is without the whool over your eyes; hence: you fit into me like a hook in eye(society’s rules into my mind) Someone please explicate the poem further for me now that you have a clue… I want debatable material. We had “sex”, but how sharp are our minds now??? I want to see who I am talking to. I dont give a fuck if it is the stupidest fucking aswers in the world, it can be taken out of context. I Don’t care. Don’t mean to be a geak on you people or anything. We are all about more than you may realize. Everybody should reiously check out Aesthetic Meat Front site, It’s an awsome group of friends of mine from denver and hollywood who have an awsome Existential Cult/music group…. They have thier own industrial clothing line and eveything it’s so sick. they play with decapetated animal heads and fuck each other silly and shit. Have fun.

  95. fitting into you like a hook in eye may be something that is common amongst people, be it their views on society or intrinsic personal issues that they experience and may however find similar solutions to endure pain, sorrow, grief etc. However, what is bizarre is that the connection is not learned and cannot be forced but is rather emulated – it’s not your will – perhaps your fate. Your friends will be pleased, hence the smiles on their faces. You are now engulfed into an unfathomable situation but insist on keeping yourself entertained in an ironic manner. Who the fuck wouldn’t laugh about that? I agree I have just said the dumbest thing ever. Vivi, do you see how fucked up I am? I make no sense. Nowhere. Ever.

  96. Pretty fuckin close! The hook in the eye conveys a massage society’s painfull standards being shoved into me, wincing, it hurts, so I pull away, finally tears of salty bood roll down to my lips, I can taste the pain so I grind my teeth, only making it worse. But we get used to pain and eventaully accomodate it, hence bitter like lemon rind, not being so bad. but it brings a smile to the face to deviate from the so called grace of being apart of society, and only you know what it is to be happy to be a black sheep amongst those in the rest of the herd; we all have our place. but who has the last laugh? the last one lead to the slaughter, or the the one who manages to stray from the flock.

  97. You rock Vivi. I’m thinking if the flock refers to society then whoever it is that has the last laugh would have to be the one straying from it. That sounds messed but i got to hit the hay. Maybe my vocabulary will be better tomorrow.

  98. Hey everyone. I had a good time on vacation. Reading all the posts was fun. I’ll post a little more later on tonight.

  99. I was feeling really screwy (I get like this sometimes and don’t know what to do) and somehow I got on the computer and found this site. Nothing I imagined would be here. I thought it would just be garbage like a lot of other sitets I come across. It caught my mind though. It is so interesting. I know most out there would say its crazy stuff but it is not. V1V!, your first message was poetry, and then the other poem you sent sort of told me how you are very talented. Reading through all of the messages I got to see loads of people also saw it and I saw loads of stuff in them too. It got me to see that the poems of yore, by the so called great poets and wordsmiths, seemed to have been written by people like you, V1V1. Yes, people like me – accept that you have the talent.
    V1V1, if you feel like hitting heads like watermellons then I’d like you to instead get that axe and hit watermelons – it will achieve the same thing and you will feel better afterwards having not hit the heads.
    Take care,
    from whitelighter

  100. Well, Um thanks. I don’t ussually write poetry, I’m glad somebody likes it.

  101. My best friend just got into a bad car accident. He’s in the hospital. Tell someone close to you how much they mean to your life. It can all end really fast.

  102. Sorry to hear of your bad news, maybe I’ll take your advice, my friends always seem to drop as well.

  103. Sorry to hear that too. I will heed what you said. Good luck with things.

  104. V1V1, I read you starting message again. Again I found it more than poetic, and more impressively mind activiting and mind alerting. Your life has been through so much, and though I’d not like to experience the shit you experienced I sure gain something from reading about it. Thanx, man! And when you got on to Angelique – wow that was moving. What an impact that woman had on you – truly you and she are awesome. Take care, man.

  105. Allright, allright allright. I’m just not so great at taking compliments this often. It’s kind of suffocating. Embarrasing, but thanks…..and no more. I appreciate it though and I’m glad you got something out of it. We’re running out of topic here. Somebody say or do something interesting, I’m dyin here, and i’m getting bored, how about you people?

  106. My life is in need of a change. It’s boring, lonesome, dark, empty and meaningless. Everytime I try something new things just seem to get worse. I know I sound like a big whiner at the moment. I just had to write this. I really don’t even know why I’m complaining. Imagine living a life completely alone. I mean ALONE. Not one person you can pick up the phone and call. Yeah, that sucks. And that just what my life is.

  107. I would say you could call me if you wanted, if you had a long distance card. email me. Ill kick down digits. I hear you. It sucks to know a gang of people, and not consider a single one of them a real friend as well. It’s just as lonely around these parts at times as well. When I try new things I don’t think they necissarily get worse, but more so, I just get swallowed up by people, circumstances and a whole slew of other things that I don’t care about. Rarely do I across a worthwhile situation out of anything new that I try. I have this horrible feeling that everything is futile, empt and udderly boring to the point that I’m not ever sutre that I am really getting anywhere with any thing I am doing. It’s a dead wall. I wouldn’t ask yourself why you are even complaining. It shows that you recocnize that something needs to change. Don’t suppress these sorts of things. If I had done that, I would never have quit drugs. Some people don’t have the cognition in there head to recognize this sort of shit. That is why they all live such complacent lives. Don’t follow them, you’ll hate it. Some people like that sort of thing. But I can’t imagine that It would be you. You seem very smart and open to new things, and at the same time a little nieve and sheltered, I’m just glad that it seems that you are looking for a way to break that sort of cycle. Take this sort of thing into your own hands. Parents play a big factor in your life, but they have already lived and hold onto unliberated morals of the past and try to impose them on you. I’d just bounce. It’s your life, they can’t live through you when they are dead unless you turn into them. A lot of people do that without realizing it. They don’t even get to live their own lives that they have always wanted, It’s just a distant fantasy unfulfilled. Fuck stagnant tediouse shit, do what you want with yourself, It doesn’t mean you hate your parents or dont love them. it just means that you are you despite what others try to make you. Humans love to control other humans. even if it hurts people they love. They often dont realize it. We are so narcisistic that we will try to make others a spitting image of ourselves at the expense of the others pesonal wellfare. See past that. I feel like a twisted psychologist or some shit, anyway, yeah. Do that shit.

  108. Dude, everything you say is totally true. It just amazes me all the time when you talk or write or whatever. We all have our own problems and I respect you for taking time out to listen to me despite everything that goes on in your life. No matter what, you will have my support and if I can only help by writing messages I will and I would appreciate the same from anybody else, including you. This world is really like a literal nightmare but when everything seems hopeless I always find help. It may be lame that it has to be here on https://www.darkness.com, but whatever works is all that matters. I don’t wanna scare anybody off by saying how much I feel like a better person when I see things written on here. I have seen demoralising, degrading comments but no matter what, we as victims of these evil uncivilized bastards always, in the long run, come out on top. I know eventually I will achieve the ultimate personality, or close to it. It just takes time. I have to choose the right time but every now and then I feel like time is running out. I don’t have much more to say but I cannot end without thanking everyone on here, especially Vivi for being so motivating and available. You are a good person and it hurts my heart that you get treated unfairly at times. I know you hate hearing this but I’m not gonna prolong it and make it all boring. I just had to say that. Something else that I have to do in my life is to overcome my inner feelings and express them verbally. For now it’s all textual but I see this as the beginning of a better future for me and everyone else who strives to achieve self actualization.

  109. Knight, you ain’t the only one who feels like that – for long periods of life I do too.
    I find attempts at ‘joining in’ just don’t work. I end up still feeling like the outsider. So instread of looking in the wrong places I remember all the wrong places I have tried and either try elsewhere or accept what I’ve got and not got. I’ve found that wanting something I can’t have produces depression and despair. So I stop wanting those things I can’t have! And I see the things I’ve got and take another look and appreciate them instead.
    V1V!, I read your reply to Knight and in the abscence of expletives I was shocked to see it was you who wrote it! lol. Were you having a good day???

    Me, I always feel lonely, even when I’m not alone. You feel lonely amongst a crowd and sometimes you can feel unlonely on yourself. I have balance problems. So I’m on prozac, and I upped the dose today because I was feeling screwy on 40mg. I did the weeding, emptied the rubbished, shaved, showerred and put on clean clothes. All that and the extra pill sure helped. Before that I was noticing compulsive thoughts and urges and cravings to do stuff I don’t want to do. I live alone. By choice and not by choice. I’d love to have someone I love and who loves me to live with and share life but I don’t have that person. But I’ve got her as a friend a long way away and care about her – and that is better than nothing. That is better than being depressed about not having her as my girlfriend. I’ve had to accept it and give up wanting her. Everytime I notice I miss her and love her I feel the pain but I feel the love. Instead I have my mum and sister who live near by, and they have a gorgeous dog who is so clever and loving. I visit them and play with the dog. I have a work friend I can go out with if and when I like – but he drinks a lot so I decided if I go. But still such a void. Such a void. Only when you have had to you realise the void. Anyway I’m on the prozac because without it I get chemically unbalanced and things affect me. On them I feel more me. It’s not a happy pill. I’m not a failure for being on it. It just is an answer I have come across, tried and helps. On it I can be me without being overwhelmed. On it I can think and feel still and cope better. Why did I write all this stuff? Oh well. She looked lovely in that summer dress. I remember being in an embrace… Alas… alas…

  110. No, I was actually having a fucked up day, but knight is someone to be kind to. He doesn’t act like he knows more than he really does, but on the contrary, is probably smarter than the lot of us. A truly honest human bieng is hard to come across anymore, so i feel just about anything he says is more than valid. It is hard to find these qualitys anymore and are greatly appreciated. It makes me feel better to talk with someone of this stature after dealing with the slew of fuckheads i see all the time. Like I said, I don’t like anybody I know. They don’t have anything to offer that I can’t get myself in other ways. It’s kinda wierd, I would almost call it flawless in a way, very pure. I certainly do not have too many of these characteristics, I’m almost the opposite, sometimes I almost regret how much of an evil fucker I can be at times, and really am amazed at cerain qualitys of others when i can recognize them. it’s almost eye catching and I can’t stop looking. I fuckin hate a lot of people, and never give them strokes like this, but somebody should pay homage to something so signifigant, as it is so undeniable. I really almost envy it. I could never acheive something like that, I’m too self preservative, I like to take advantage of everything in all the wrong ways to get what i need, I wouldn’t make it any other way, it’s natural instinct to me, it’s my demeanor and how i conduct my self, i am very aware of other people and thier positions, and am very good at manipulating them for my own causes. There is no giving up until I get what I need/want untill I have it at all costs, no other options, and it’s very hard for me to be humble when i have successfully turned a situation out. I’ve tried to stray from it, but just can’t concieve living any other way. I guess that is why it is so crazy to me when i meet people like knight. He can almost do no wrong.

  111. I feel honored to read this but at the same time undeserving. It’s probably just human nature to not easily accept compliments. Vivi, you read me like a book and how could I not mention Whitelighter’s contribution to all of this? I really agree with you about feeling alone even in crowds. I experience that all the time. Sometimes I wish I could see through everyone around me so that I would know exactly where and when to be at a given place. But life wouldn’t be fun that way. It wouldn’t challenge us the way it does, but sometimes it’d be worth living the life of a psychic for a day, even a hour. Or maybe not. I think it takes a good person to recognize someone else’s honesty because if you don’t have a spark of goodness in you, it is oblivious in all other forms (that’s for Vivi especially). I can be evil too, if I have to be, but not unecessarily. It’s because of how I see myself that makes me say and do what I do. I have always felt out of place. I never feel like I’m real because nobody understands me. But I’m just a normal person like everybody else. Made out of flesh and bones. I can’t create a utopia even if I were perfect. Everybody has to make sacrifices for that to happen. What makes me happy though is that this little community of people is an arithmetic change in society.

  112. Well, it’s ok if you cannot create a utopia. Imagin really having to live in harmony with everybody else in the world. I would absolutely hate it, it would be boring. People would cause random chaos just for the sheer purpose of deviation. I f this were to happen, who would police them to keep the poeace? I would call it fascism if ever such an event arose. I love the world the way it is. I love bush just as much as I hate him. Without him, there would be no catalyst in helping to end human existance. We are a plague to the world, Yet I have no regrets for being at the top of the food chain. The way things are going, we won’t be here for too much longer… the world needs cleansing. It is just apart of the cycle. If we had a utopia, what would be made of the people who are currently stopping it from happening? they are to what is natural to their instinct. Thats just how we are, there is no reason to try and deviate from our nature. We have frontal view, not perifial vision, so we are predators, and pretty much everything in our path is prey, I love having the advantage that the rest do not, and make the best of it while i’m here. No shame whatsoever, it’s good to be human, i love every aspect of the chaos as well as the peace amongst our kind, we will ultimatly do ourselves in, because there is no-one above us in the chain. We will eat ourselves when eveything runs out trying to survive. People think it is bad, but thats how anything on top goes down, but the cockaroaches on the botom will ultimately survive everything! they have been doing it for over 5 million years, our time is short, but full of what no-one else could ever understand or concieve. It’s a beutifull vicious cycle. i’m just trying to live, I have had my share of fighting, and just want to be left alone to do what i please. I don’t want to conform to a world that loves eachother, cause i barely love myself.

  113. That’s actually a great outlook on things. And it is indeed very true. I just have to fight my battles and appreciate every single one of them. Everything is coming together now. It’s all making sense and it’s indisputable. Yippee! πŸ™‚ *bonecrushing handshake to Vivi*

  114. My friend is okay. Thanks for the concern, it was cool of you guys to even give a shit.

    I guess I can tell a story. I didn’t have as crazy a time as Vivi did during his self-discovery, so I have to go way back to stuff from when I was a kid. I remember the day exactly. For a long time, it didn’t even feel real. I lost my soul that day. I became evil that day. It’s the reason I hate the way my eyes look in the mirror. So here’s me…seriously.

    I wanted my cousin David to teach me how to punch. I was about 8 years old and he was about 16. He took me outside behind the house and showed me how to punch the punching bag. I could barely move it. He was so nice about it. He kept telling me to keep my arm straight and would show me what he meant. He asked me why I wanted to learn. I told him I wanted to be cool like him. I’ll never forget his words.

    “Do you want to learn how to be really cool?”

    Yes, I did. He led me into a camper trailer and into the loft that extends over the truck bed. He unzipped his pants and pulled out his dick. He told me to suck it. I remember not feeling threatened or uncomfortable. I just wanted to impress him and be cool. He told me I’d be the coolest out of everyone if I did this.

    I just wanted to be accepted. I just wanted to be cool.

    “Don’t bite.”
    “Suck it like a lollipop.”
    “Use your toungue.”
    “Like that…that’s good.”

    At that moment my father stepped out of the house and called out to me. The word Mijo in spanish is a term of endearment that means “my son”. When we both heard this from outside the camper David became very nervous. He quickly zipped up and was whispering to me to hurry and go. I wasn’t sure what was wrong. He told me he’d give me 2 dollars if I didn’t say anything. I wouldn’t have needed the money. I just wanted to make him happy. I would have stayed quiet just because he asked me. I remember how my lips felt. I remember the salty taste on my toungue. I felt different. I didn’t understand what had just happened, but I knew I was different somehow.

    “Am I cool now?”

    My father asked me if I was okay. Remembering my promise, I said, “Yes.” I told him how cool David was and that he taught me how to punch. I covered pretty well for a kid who’d never hid things from anyone before.

  115. Days went by and I remember being excited to get my 2 dollars at some point. I was starting to get a feeling that I did something wrong, but I had no reason not to trust my cousin. One day when I went to my cousin Richard’s house, he told me that David told him I was gay. I didn’t know what this meant. When I realized this was a bad thing I told Richard what happened. But, I didn’t want him to know I willingly did what I did. I told him David held a knife to my throat, but not to tell anyone. Something had died inside of me. I was not cool. I had done something bad and for the first time in my life I had been used by someone I trusted. While something died in me, something else was awakened. I was now curious about my own body. I was aware of my sex.

    There was a hotness in my legs that I didn’t understand. I had a different mentality now, though. I was starting to understand seduction. I had learned something from David. But, it wasn’t how to fight. It was how to manipulate. How to make something look innocent when it was actually harmful or bad. My cousin Richard and I started exploring these feelings together. I started it. I was urged by the only contact I had up until this point. It felt natural to do this to boys because a boy did it to me. Sometimes I would pretend I was a girl while Richard would mess around with me. I would make up scenarios and stories. It was like the old jokes about kids playing house or doctor. This carried over into another friendship I had with a boy named Rene. We messed around too, and sometimes he was much more sexually agressive than I was. Looking back, I can’t believe how young I was. Eventually I came to understand the word fag. Eventually I came to understand that my father and mother considered this wrong according to our christian beliefs. Eventually I learned about AIDS and as a naive child, thought it was only something that happened when a boy was with a boy. I was convinced I had it.

  116. For a a long time I did not want my parents to find out all of the evil things I did. I knew they would know when my AIDS showed up. So, I began to lick spoons and drink from cartons. I knew my mouth had AIDS because it was the part of me that sucked off my cousin David. To this day I can feel the sticky, dirty, wetness that has never washed off my lips. I thought that if my whole family had AIDS they’d just consider it a fluke and no-one would ever find out what I did. I was horrified when I learned that the disease kills people. I was sure I had killed my whole family.

    Being molested is like being bitten by a vampire. I became the thing that bit me. I molested my sister, her friends, and a girl I used to babysit. It was petting on top of clothes but that does not change the psychological effect that this has on a child. I was only 12 for my sister and her friends, but 16 for the next door neighbors little girl. It felt so natural. It felt like how the world was supposed to work. I eventually learned enough about AIDS to know there was no way I had it. But, I did have a disease, none the less. I had been naked with my sister. I had also been naked with her friend Meghan. I shudder to think what I did to that poor girl Meghan. She told on me and I denied it to the very end. When no-one believed her it ended with her eventually admitting that she lied when I knew she was telling the truth. I’m sure if she met me today, she would kill me. I deserve no less. Since that time I talked to my sister about it. I told her what happened and she described how it all felt like a dream or something she made up in her head til I finally admitted it. She thanked me and told me there was nothing she held against me. Today we’re as close as can be. I have never molested anyone after the age of 16. That was the age David was when he molested me. Fuck, I knew how ugly I was inside and I let myself go on living anyway.

    Inside, I’m dead. You are all the first people to know this whole story. Strangers on an internet community know me better than the people closest to me. In high school I used every girl I was with because it felt right. I could never trust completely so I would keep a constant distance. You people want ugly inside? You want dead inside? You want someone who faces his demons on a daily basis?

    Here I fucking am.

  117. I am the lowest common denominator. I am the soulless fuck who molested your sister. I’m the depraved, dirty, reprobate who fucked around with his family members. I was suckin dick by the time I was eight. I’ve been through 4 abortions with three different girls. I’ve been through 2 miscarriages that would have been abortions had they not miscarried. I didn’t want any of those kids. I knew I’d fuck them up. To let me raise a child is folly. To trust me to actually make a contribution to society is stupid. I’m fucked in the head. I only understand how to use people.

    The odd thing is, when I think back to the dirty feeling that was on my mouth after suckin my cousin off, it feels good. That dirty, used feeling is what feels natural. I want to be sweating and panting. I want to be used. Fuck…I’m fucked. I deserve to die. All I do now is trick myself into being happy. I don’t expect any of you to like me too much after I’ve said all this, but oh well. I don’t like me either.

  118. No matter where we are we are always alone, it doesnt matter who we are with or if they think they love you. You know that they cant, not really. We have to work to carve small moments of happiness into our lives or the little emergencies take suck our reality away. I dont personaly beleive in love or honesty or trust because none of these exsit in the purest sense of the word. The way they are ment to be just doesnt exist because we have warped it with our minds and actions. In a way we are more simple than we relize and in other ways we are far more complex than we can fathom. There is no such thing as real love or trust, so we learn how to be alone, and if we had no feelings of compassion then would loneliness even exist? F.F i think your fine the way you are, in a way you are one of the most beautifull people i have ever met.

  119. That was unexpected.

    You know what I really want, Nelo? I want the courage to tell the people around me. This beautiful person is such a fuckin’ coward, I can’t even come clean with the people around me. Are these things I’m supposed to tell people? Am I supposed to hide this and just promise myself I’ll never be that way again? Isn’t it fair to let the people around me know what type of person they’re dealing with? It’s fucking confusing. Thanks for not calling me a degenerate.

  120. I kind of understand where you are comming from, I had a few incidents like yours my self, with my step brothers friend, he was 32 and i was 10, and had a few others previouse to that with the nieghbors husband. Ive definetly done shit like that to others as well. I don’t feel guilty about any of it though, you really shouldn’t either, we were too young to really know what was going on. Even though at times i remember being very aware of what I was doing. I feel worse about raping this passed out chick at my squat with a beer bottle, me and my friends took turns with the bottle and our dicks, we pissed on her and kicked her and all sorts of fucked up shit, I think she was like 17 or something. I still talk to her sometimes, she told me she was awake towards the end, and knew exactly what was going on. She said she wasn’t mad at me, wich i find hard to believe. I don’y know, i’m not all too heavy hearted because of it though. I guess I just except it. It’s wierd i suppose. But yeah, I don’t really think anything is wrong with you. I blame it on being a result of my enviroment. Yeah, when you got shit like that in your heart, you have to justify it to live with it. i made no ammends with anybody for it. So I guess were on more of a same page now, we can relate very much. It does make for evil people, more than most realize I suppose. It’s crazy that you came out and said that though. Most would be shamed, but fuck that, it’s who we are, nothing wrong with making others aware. I probably sound bad, but i’m not willing to be guilty for something beyond my innocent cognition. I don’t know if that helps, but i’m with you in a fucked up sort of way.

  121. I only came out and said it because of the complete lack of consequence it holds to my life. While you all almost feel like a support group, we are still strangers. So, I don’t have to worry about looking into your faces every day.

    Whoa, writing that just made me realize something. That’s the reason I can’t tell the people around me. I want to forget that part of myself. I defeated it a long time ago and I definitely don’t need to face the guilt every fucking day of my life. Looking into the faces of my loved ones after they know will only make me see that guilt. They will not be able to hide the disgust in their eyes. That’s shitty to be so confident about that, but I’m sure of it. I don’t want that. I’m glad I came to this website.

    Vivi, I feel close to you. I feel like we are two survivors of a forgotten war. These things probably happen to alot of people and those people let it eat them alive inside. Getting it out really does help. You and I are strong for making it out of this. The reason we did the things we did to our bodies with drugs and sex was almost a subconscious admittance of our low self worth. That low self worth was a direct result of being used at an early stage in our lives. I feel fucked and relieved at the same time. How odd it is that strangers are getting me through shit in my head that has hurt me for years. I’m at a loss for words. You guys are helping me. You really are. I’ll try to post more later. I need to think.

  122. There is a book, that says to be a perfect human being you must first experiance both good and evil. There is another book that says that guilt is the *ultiment penece. dna i tnod wonk yllaer, but i would say that that is pretty close to the philosophy of life that i have. I think that you cant really call them loved ones unless they can see the real you. And part of that experiance makes that you, it makes you. The abuse i cant realate to on the pedephilic level but by people my own age that i can realate to. The drugs and rape i can realate to also. I can understand on some level of my own why that girl doesnt hate you vivi.

  123. Somehow I like to believe that the experiences we each have, the choices we each made, the consequences upon us and other that resulted in all add to the experience of us all. If you can learn from it then that is all you can do. And you all seem to have learned from it.
    There is something I heard recently. It was in a drama which told of world war 2 british soldiers. This was fictional but it showed a group of six, good soldiers, having fought the so call evil of nazism in europe and afrika. Well, when back in england in their barracks they became a group that terrorised other soldiers and they all raped a young woman and made a priest watch them do it. They all disappeared after the war. The priest tracked each of them down over time and killed each with a big 9 inch nail through the head. The last of the 6 volunteered himself up so the priest could kill him in the same way. But before this he wrote a letter. In this letter he wrote some thing like, “We were young men, soldiers who saw so much evil, things you wouldn’t believe. When you see so much evil you either crack up or you embrace the evil. We 6 embraced the evil.”
    I think it happened to the priest too. Though the priest claimed the he vowed to track down these 6 and kill them and believed he did it for God. I think the priest also embraced the evil instead of cracking up.
    I think the cracking up and the embracing of the evil are two sides of the same coin… I think that those who embraced the evil also brought so much pain on themselves through what they did when they realised it. And even when they didn’t!
    But I don’t think it is about telling everybody you know all the stuff you have done. That, in my opinion is futile. Yes, if you hate yourself and you want to bring ultimate despair upon yourself – then do it. You would be punishing yourself. No, the experiences have been had – and it will do not good to tell all and bring the despair upon yourself. It won’t make you feel better. I won’t make others feel better. The best thing you can do is to live with it but move on. Accept that evil acts were committed but that you are not evil. Learn, emerge, grown, and change to what you want to be. You can be what you want to be. You can! Love does exist! Honesty can exist if you want it – if you want to be it….

  124. continues:
    I believe that everyones experiences have added to the experiences and knowledge of the whole. I believe that this learning has been very painful. I hope that we don’t have to go on repeating the mistakes and making more pain. I hope that we have learned. That, I believe, if fundamental – that whatever happened, the re-emergence from embracing evil means change and moving on changed for the better.
    I don’t know if I talked garbage here. I send anyway. Stop being troubled, stop punishing yourself. Live! You’ve changed!
    Evil happened to you. Maybe you did some evil. Evil acts done to us either breaks us or we do evil things. But we are not evil. You are new – you are different now. Give up punishing yourself!
    If you need to tell anyone tell a counsellor. But maybe that won’t even help. Because all that is needed is to forgive yourself after you have learned from your mistakes and from what you did after having had other peoples’ mistakes done to you.
    Your stories sound awful – evil done to you, evil done. But you are not evil.
    Sorry to have used the word evil so much – I just used it because my vocab doesn’t have a better term to use.
    We learn from error. Once learned the lesson is done. We don’t have to repeat it any more. At some point in our lives we stop passing on the buck. That is success! Yes we’ve failed but if we learn and change then we succeed.
    Don’t we?????
    Ps – ahh, that is the 180 second rule you talk about!!!

  125. I’m very inclined to agree with you, White. It’s because I really don’t want to tell the people around me. I’ve been thinking about it and, it would be very dumb to throw my life off-balance like that. I’ve changed as a person and made it through the bullshit and there’s no reason to throw myself back into turmoil. This is probably just a cop-out. It sure feels like it. But, I feel it’s the best answer for now. I hope I don’t regret it.

    We should change topics now. This shit is starting to depress me.

    I wish I could meet some of you guys.

  126. Goddammit i hate people, I hate the small idiosyncrassies that they force upon me. I hate the despicable, sick, subconscious, yet strangly beautifull as-far-as-humanity-is-concerned way, that they play mind games. I hate how they come to me for advise because they think i revel in being able to give it deriving directly from my “worldly experiance” as they like to call it, masking it because their too……….. PUSSY to talk to me about it to my goddamn, motherfucking face. I hate how they expect me to take care of everything because i am the most responsible, especialy how they tell me shit about other people then ask me to confront them. This is why i hate the people i am forced into contact with. And yet while they take the advice I give, they still refer to themselves as superior to me.

  127. FF,
    just one more thing. Stop calling yourself FF! It keeps you hating yourself. Come up with another name. And in the mean time can I suggest you change you user name here to ‘the artist formerly called facelessfuck’, or ‘not a facelessfuck’. That ain’t you know more. That 16 year old getting you to suck him off when you was 8 was very awful to happen to you. You went through some stuff from that. You saw how it affected you and what you did. It was like an infection. I’m sure that that 16 year old went through the same but that was no excuse. FF, a new name please!

  128. Nelo,
    welcome to the real world!
    It ain’t easy. But its live, Jim, not as we know it, but its life.
    Just ask yourself why they come to you – because they’ve seen you have come through a lot. It’s up to you if you want to give advice though. You can always say you are tired.
    But how wil you feel after that? You know how you feel now.

  129. Geez, sorry to say this, but you are ridicoulously corney and full of positive energy and all that hippy shit…. But don’t get peaved Beaver. I just have a big mouth, that’s all. And I like to say a lot of shit too. It’s wierd, I can almost see your florecent white glow in my moniter. It kinda hurts my fuckin’ eyes. Your’e wierd. Wow. Where do you come up with this stuff? Are you some pschologist hangin out on a wierd sight doing studys or something? Are you the one that emailed me? If it was you, sorry I bit your head off in my responce (kinda, not really). You are my new speculatory object, I’m watching you plague us with with wholesome goodness and shit. Are you over 30?Ok, scratch that question, you are apparently over 30, so it says in your BIO, AND you work for health services. What kind? Physical or mental? My egg doner is a head checker. You guys are kinda similar in some weird grotesque way. I don’t know what to think of you. I don’t know if I like sunshine and lolipops on my post. I think i might pick on you cause i’m getting bored with writing on these forums. Your an older person, so you should have plenty of wit about you. We’ll make it interesting, I wonder how passive you really are………

  130. ok ok ok, Scratch my last post, I’m getting bored and honery, unless your up to it. Are you sure those Prozacs aren’t really just happy pills/crutches? I understand that some really do need them, but you are all full of super happy goo gaga…..a little too much I think………… AAHHHH YOUR’E DRIVING ME UP THE FUCKIN WALL! STOP IT! FUCK!

  131. i am diagnosing myself with social anxiety disorder (SAD) but i dont wanna end up taking pills or anything.

  132. Whitey,
    Really, my name is okay. It’s really just an inside joke from when I joined this forum. It has absolutely no effect on my mood.

    Also, I was just using this forum to get this shit out. The only advice I was wondering about was if I should tell the people around me. I kinda already worked through that. I do appreciate the advice, but seriously, not needed. My changes happened a long time ago.

    Nothings changed inside me for getting this off my chest. I’m still the same off-tilt motherfucker I was yesterday. The only difference is I found a couple people to relate to. It’s a lot easier to find people to relate to when someone’s only worry is if they can purchase those brand new K-Swiss’ they saw on TV yesterday. It’s a little harder when one is looking for someone to trade molestation stories with. Either way, finding people to relate to doesn’t change who I am.

    I’m still the good ole faceless fuck that started posting here a month ago. Type at you all again soon.

  133. V1v1!
    No I’m on the prozac because I need it. It don’t make me haPPY. It does somehow give me much more chemical balance that I have without it.
    No I’m not that person who emailed you.
    No I’m not no 60’s hippie. I’m just someone who is different to you, who ain’t had your experiences. I ain’t so bad! Hey, and you ain’t so bad either!
    Make of me whatever you want. That won’t necessarily be me. It probably won’t be me by a long long chalk – just your ever changing perceptions. Hey, do I know what you are like? I know you write good shit.
    LOVE from whitelighter
    PS – Now I have gotten to you I shall shower you with love!!! Ha Ha!

  134. OH, and v1, who I am has very little to do with my age, very little. So don’t be an agist/agest fuck!!! I see you can only relate to that kind of language. You are a scary man sometimes, man! I hope you ain’t sexist as well as agist.

  135. I’ve come here to visit the darkside, V1. I’ve been told you can get unbalanced for being too good as well as too bad. Now you are stuck with me. You sure are possessive of your forum today. The other day you were talking about leaving. Man, what you have been through is enormous.
    Hey, I ain’t so white and you ain’t so dark… Live it up, cookie dude. I luvs ya!

  136. Wake up, ya bints!!!!
    Or I shall luv you miserable mieces to pieces.
    No, V1, I’m not high on happy pills – it just allows me to come through – comprende? I ain’t so bad, I ain’t so bad.

  137. Hey, man, I’d not last long in that prison you were in would I? That is why I weren’t there I guess. I shudder to think about such a place. I guess that in prison you just have to be so mean and tough just to hang on in there. Easy to lose yourself. And then there is what those cookie dudes in there would do to anyone they get hold of.

  138. Oh, OK, I’ve had enough of pussy footing about on here, being careful not to upset people.
    Yeah, well I have to be discerning when you talk to people. What good does it do to go to someone for advice or support when all that person will do is back you up in your wrong thinking or prejudices. You want and need someone who will question your areas that need correction. And ultimattely you have to conclude these things for yourself.

    I see a lot of people going to others on here just to find someone to back them up, to make them feel OK. What good is there is having, for example, a rapist who backs up another rapist with support or shared experiences??!!!! That is absurd. But I’ve seen that stuff on here – on this site! It’s bloody crazy! That is not the company a reformed rapist needs to keep or seek – its the company they want to get away from. And I see cutters seeking out other cutters to justify their self harming. Get real!!!
    Bloody absurd. Wake up people!!!!! You need to be around healthy people to overcome unhealthy behaviour. Being around other sick people will only prolong and reinforce bad behaviour, bad thinking, bad living. It’s bloody simple!

    And places of ‘correction’ – prisons – the environment in there is absurd and re-inforcinig of criminality.

    Now bloody accuse me of being good, you asshole, V1.

  139. You all make me bloody sick the way you keep re-inforcing your crap here. Oh, and passing it from one generation to the next just because it was done to you. Then because you have done it you seek the company of similars! Instead of stopping the crap you purpetuate it. And you say it is OK and you EVEN glorify it and say you are proud of it, and that you can’t change, and that its OK to get pleasure from whatever source and in whatever way even if it hurts others. What an absolute load of crap! What a pile of bullshit.

    Fucking wake up!!!!!!! Fuck this sssssssssshhhhhiiitttttttttttttttttttttt!

    Fucking hell – there is too much of this shit in the world. Wake up to you selffish shits!!!!!

    “Ohh, he’s a goody goody, oohhhh, its my forum get off!”
    “Stop telling me what I need to be told. Tell me what I want to hear”.

    Fucking hell! Wake the fuck up and smell the coffee!!!

  140. White,
    I’ve already changed. I haven’t had a problem since I was 16. What’s funny about you is your ability to rain bullshit from your mouth about shit you have absolutely no experience with. Stop acting like you’re some kind of savior and messenger, cause you’re not. It sounds to me like you’re just getting pissy because no-one is listening to you. I don’t know you, and I have no reason to take advice from some 30 something who is so confused he has “happiness and balance” for his interests and can’t stop cussing people out.
    You came to this site, so you were obviously looking for something. You didn’t get it. So, move on. No one here gives a shit about your haughty opinions. You’ve made 7 stupid posts in one day. Get the hint? You’re a tool and nobody wants to talk to you. It must really suck to be almost 40 and still dissatisfied with life. Well, at least you’ll be dead soon, huh?

    Fuck off.

  141. Ha Ha Ha, I touched a tender area, didn’t I “whitelighter”?! I knew I could instegate some shit out of you, Yeah, I figured it would cut the silly crap out of you. Now you sound like everybody else. Funny, isn’t it? I never said you where a goody two shoes, and never told you to get of my thread. I just couldn’t bear the fake shit coming out of your fuckin mouth. I’m not an “agest” either, my last fuck was 32, so quit trying to make a silly scape goat out of me. It won’t work. Oh, yeah, I sure do glorify my degeneration, there is nothing left, i’m absolutley fuckin bored out of my mind- nihilistic in its purest to say the least. ” a rapist that backs up another rapist” hahaha. It’s so funny to watch you spew your spineless happy shit, and then turn around and point fingers and call people rapists. Fuckin cunt. i simply told FF not to feel guilty about something he was too young to understand at the time. God, your so full of shit, it’s a good thing i’m wearing knee highs, or else I might step in it. You say I’m selfish as if you are bringing me news. I already told you I was self preserving at the expense of others, what the fuck did you expect from me? It sounds like you missed a dose of prozac fucker. What’s your deal with the prison subject? You want to go? It’s a place you wouldn’t understand, dogs eat dogs all day in there, I’m lucky i made it out without getting my asshole stretched, I’ve paid my dues to say the least, given and taken plenty of beatings while in the process- so, what’s it to you? Yeah, you are definetly a tool… good one, I like that one, haha.

  142. Good, deal. Going for the laugh off. Well I guess it’s best when you get that owned by someone to just dust it off and play like it’s all cool. Oh wait, that’s not best. That’s just weak.

    Oh yeah, and fuck this 180 second rule.

  143. Oh shit, I haven’t heard any body call somebody weak since the 8th grade!, “nigga, you weak.” That’s fuckin funny. And, the last time I heard somebody being reffered to as owned, I think my dad said it to my mom. This is good shit, fuck man, you make me laugh so fuckin hard, and it’s all true too! HAHAHA! Hey, white lighter………., “Please nigga, you sorry.” HAHAHA!

  144. “Now it’s time fo’ tha docta to check yo ass nigga, used to be homie, used to be my ace, but it’s time slap the taste out yo’ mouth little ho, oh,…..think I forgot… let you slide, let you ride. but naw it’s just anotha’ homicide. And yeah, it’s me, so you can talk on, cause i’m stompin on the easiest streets that you can walk on. If it ain’t just another punk that I gotta fuck wit’!, You got teeth in yo’ mouth, so my dicks’ gots to fit”……………sorry, but I couldn’t resist the temptation.

  145. i haven’t found what to write or say for a long time. It’s entertaining, well, in sense, to read what is going on. Probably it’s better not to get involved though. Posting now is making myself a target, however. Ah well. If it gets too difficult, I have back up. Hey there V1V1!!!!

  146. oh, dear ive missed alot havent i. whitelighter i dont think i like you much.

  147. Well hello, I’ve been wondering where you two have run off to, and why wasn’t I there? You’re both in trouble, I’ll see you in my office.

  148. Oh, yeah…..No targets will be made of you two, this is a gangrape/boycott on one sorry fellow.

  149. Nelo we’re gonna have to make things up to V1V1 so that things won’t get too out of control in his office. A slight threat from him should be taken seriously. I think he believes in second chances though πŸ˜‰ Right Vivi?

  150. White! Come back and get gang raped! Didn’t you like it? I guess he wised up.

    How come I’m always left out of the punishments and all the other fun stuff?
    ^translation, “Waaaaaaaaa, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

    I’m feeling a little starved for attention guys! Don’t make me type my cry noises in all caps.! I’ll do it. I aint afraid.

  151. oh no the dreaded caps, how they ruin the mood. Sorry ive had to work twelve hour shifts at work. Knight i quite agree, vivi do you want us in costumes or just naked? Good thing this is a gangrape/boycott on one sorry fellow, i was slightly more intimidated than usuall. I dont want whitelighter to think that i dont like him just because you dont vivi, I tried to understand the whole lets be happy and then everything will be alright attitude and it seemed kind of self deluding, (spelled that wrong) so thats why whitelighter. i dont feed of others opinion of you, while i do take it to mind. The little comment that you made about my post pissed me off, though i would like you too explain it to me, or maybe there isnt a deeper meaning maybe i just overestimate your intellegence, but i would never be that insulting. You compleatly misunderstood the meaning behind my post. Now back to our punishment, what did you have in mind ViVi?


  153. I checked them, and found nothing but spam and porn……………….?

  154. there should’ve been something great there. im gonna send it again.

  155. Are you sure you are sending it to the right address? I looked again, more spam porn shit, that’s not what you are sending me, is it? Now I want to know what the hell it is you are sending me……….try sending it to vivisect1@msn.com .

  156. alright, scratch the last post…..for some reason It was in my junkmail folder, but I sent it to my safe list…… I like it so far, but am going to have to delve into it further and probably a couple times more before I get a full understanding, I need to get back up to speed with the 18th centurie lingo. i have been reading more philosiphie than poetry lately and am kinda rusty with the older stuff…….Thank you very much, it really is good so far………………

  157. Oh great, I’m glad you got it. Uhh, I read it like 5 times before I understood it and I had to use my dictionary and shit. When you dissect it and stuff, it is really good. I was never that much into poetry but I am really liking the “graveyard ones.” No, I’m not nuts, just a retard. You got me into philosophy big time, but I still haven’t finished that Gore Vidal yet. It is good stuff, thank you too Vivi! You are great.

  158. Would i be imposing upon your convo. if i asked you to send me that stuff to know what your talking about? i took a course in old english and kinda know the 18th century lingo. Dont send it if you dont want to.

  159. No way you would be imposing! I initially intented to send it to the whole room but it was way over the word limit and so I couldn’t post it. I think it is a poem that a lot of people can relate to. Especially during the time when there was a lot of arguments and stuff going on on this board. That was when I found it, and it was so damn appropriate for Vivi at the time. Oh well, it’s never too late to share something with good people who deserve it, and Nelo you are no exception to that rule ;). I will send it via e-mail to you.

  160. Oh yay, that makes me as close to happy as i get, I am on email now if you want to send it.

  161. Knight i love the poem your right it does relate to the people on here.

  162. I’m glad you both like it and I will be digressing at the moment. I just got done arguing with yet another friend of mine who is still epitomizing christianity. The other day it was my Mom, now her. These are people who I have bascially known my entire life. I remember how angry I got trying to get especially my Mom to understand my point of view. I guess this is when things really get tough. But I just cannot reason with them anymore. Most of the people who think I am crazy just cannot understand. It makes me sad. I feel guilty. I feel like a devil. And I will admit it. I am cursed and I deserve to burn in their so called “fiery furnace.” I just wanna run way right now. I was born to be alone forever. Born to be betrayed and I can accept that. Pretentious god-fearing bastards! Christians are biased. I told them that. They live in complete isolation from the truth. They do the samething over and over and over again. Living for something they get when they die. What is the point of that? My life would really be meaningless if I continued living like that. I just don’t know what to say anymore. I am just frustrated and I wish I never had to justify my actions. I want to be free-living but I am constantly dragged back into depression when I face these situations. I don’t care anymore. I care to a point. But really, I can’t be bothered. Let them all forget they ever knew me. I am happy to be who I am and I am not gonna wait till death to regret anything. Screw them all! FUCK FUCK FUCK! This is the angry Knight! The evil sick bastard from hell. All my demons are awakening one by one and I will unleash them all to torment the fuckers who keep me down. I may be insane. I don’t care. My thoughts can’t make me insane. Being insane is not letting your thoughts get known. There goes my new defnition. But it is a cirumstantial definition. See? Now I’m smiling. I amuse myself! That is just crazy. I love you guys though :):). I really do.

  163. Ideas are bulletproof……The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over repetedly and expecting different results every time, it works in conjunction with your definition pretty well, if i must say so myself. Don’t waste your mind arguing with ignorant people. your’re only giving them power by feeding into their argument….as well as lowering yourself to their level. there comes a point when you just have to be apathetic towards that type of shit. and i don’t mean hate it. just simply pay no mind to them….then they cant even try to convince you. It pays to be hard headed if you are protecting your mind…. But sometimes it is just so tempting to impose ideas unto others as they would impose unto you…….. Pick your battles carefully so you dont exaust yourself for stupid reasons.

  164. I am actually exhausting myself for stupi reason. But as always, you are right. It’s really a waste of time worrying about it. For sure, for sure. I’ll write you all later. Right now I’m just ok.

  165. I know, Iknow….I can’t help but be perfect. Just kidding….I just used to argue with people to no end over futile subjects… it will wear you out, with no benefit. It’s harder when it’s your family, I understand…..just remember there is no reason to place special emphesis, or over importance on people simply because somewhere along the line two people decided to fuck, and now all of a sudden you are supposed to care for them? You didn’t pick any of these associations yourself, so why should they be so important to you and your personal decisions? I suppose I’m just a disattached person.

  166. They brought me here but I “made” myself. And you are not disattached. I think the same way all the time.

  167. I know about the disattached thing, but it may be the meds. Family sometimes can become a burden but what else are you supposed to feel for the people that give you a place to sleep. After about two years in the streets and two more jumping from place to place i am thankful for their existance i do love them even though they dont love me, i mean in my sense of the word at least. I think most people love their parents but that does not mean that we have to like them. If i sound like whitelighter dont think that i didnt notice it, and i am disgusted with myself. Ahh depression with a side order of guilt, the usual, and my personal favorite.

  168. I understand completely what you mean about being sympathetic towards someone who puts a roof over your head. I truly do agree, fuck people who bite the hand that feeds them. I’m implying that just because they feed you doesn’t give them the right to try and impose on your personal choice of living/opinions/state of being. Some people who provide for others all too often take their contributions too far out of context, and all of a sudden think that just because they put food in your, that they can put absurd thought into your mind. It’s a simple lack of respect for another person, not that I haven’t ever abused any of these powers. I just think that it is absolutely wrong to think that people think that they will somehow recieve unconditional love by bearing a child. The child did not ask to be born, so why do people have all these fuckin crazy ideas that the child is going to automatically follow suit? That fucking kid may grow to hate you, and it has every right to do just that. It is entitled to this because it has it’s own fuckin brain. But, yeah… I would probably be leaning a little in the empathetic direction, but I really didn’t have parents who put a roof over my head, well I did, but it was simply safer outside with no exageration to say the least. It’s wierd, me and the egg doner do get along now, but it is only because sperm doner shot himself, and that pretty much took the storm out of their home…. so now it isnt too bad to visit…she does a lot better(speak of the devil, she just called me while writting this)….anyway, yeah, parents and family relationships seem sort of insectuous in some wierd way. I can’t handle seeing it, and am sorta glad I didn’t have to deal with it to an extent.

  169. stomach, food in your stomach. uhhh, bad rhetoric……shitty typing, you guys get what I’m saying.

  170. I know what you mean with having your own opinion and the right to hate them, but when i lived with them it was better for me not to argue with my stepfather, he has a kind of passive-aggressive way of kicking my ass, like just small shit that fucks with your head, so basically i just laid there and had glass thrown at me and stuff like that and as soon as i turned 13 i was out of there, some people think that 13 is too naive to really comprehend the Horrors of Humanity, but i was just a little above the natural level of comprehension.

  171. Actually I was, agreeing with you to some extent other than the exceptoins to the rule. Yeah, I got the boot around 12 or 13 as well, I think if someone is forced to deal with the horrors of humanity in the home, it’s kinda a step up to dealing with the hoorors of humanity on the street, especially if it’s safer outside.

  172. horrors, horrors of humanity. more bad rhetoric and shitty typing….yeah, whatever.

  173. If they love me they will do whatever they want to do for me, regardless of my lifestyle. If I have to compromise to be treated nicely obviously their love isn’t real. Maybe nobody ever really truly loves, but supposedly parents have no choice. Therefore, I shouldn’t have to please anyone. It may sound really ungrateful but that’s my thought. Even if they weren’t my parents my opinion would still be the same because when I love someone it has nothing to do with who they are, what they think or anything else whatsoever. So, maybe my parents are fake. I told them though, if they don’t want to do anything for me, let me die starving on the streets. I’d rather that than live in a fools paradise.

  174. The whole family situation is over rated… nobody owes any body anything, I think it’s fucked up to bring somebody into the world, and then place conviction upon them even though they didin’t ask to be born, but at the same time, I personally don’t ask or expect shit from antbody, reguardless of wheather or not they are supposed to love me unconditionally. Even parents are this shallow, as they are now proving to you… things just get to a point when one must sever the cord. You don’t need them to exist. We have a rational brain to survive with, and it should be your function to be able to live without depending on others…. especially parents. Poeple put so much dependence and trust into others who may end up being indifferent towards them simply because they do not meet the ideal expectation of what the creator thought they were going to make. Poeple should not breed, most poeples minds are not fit to bring other people up properly, they will end up being indifferent, abandoning what they thought was moldable and ultimately get tired of fucking with something that isn’t turning into something they thought it would. fucked up shit, but it’s true. Animals eat their own young if they cant keep up, conform to the rest of the pack or litter, or are deformed and or can’t function as desired, or if they are simply hungry and there is no other food around. We do the same thing in a lot of aspects. Were a little more primative than we like to admit. So if aware of this, why stick around? Just try to do your own thing…..how long are they really going to derail you? And how long are you going to let them, rebeling against parents is futile….. just keep your brooding to minimum until you leave or whatever, how much are you going to let it affect you? people can only do as much damage as you let them. Quit putting them on a pedestal, are they that important? People who dont even except you are running your life, and they can because you depend on them.

  175. So we’ve discussed a lot of stuff since I first came on here up until now. I’m such a whiner. Screw every damn thing. Vivi how are you?

  176. Yeah me too totaly a whiner, read my last posts, relized how self-centerd i sounded,so lets talk about vivi that makes everything better.

  177. I like it when everyone writes. It’s just like having a conversation. We all say what we want and someone will listen. Maybe not everyone. Just some. But you are being heard by everyone who reads. And I just think its fun.

  178. Yeah, so I got acused of fucking my boss’ wife. I still work for angeliques (dead girl) parents,they are multi millionares, and i am basically their adopted street urchin slave. Well Jean (angeliques mom) fell of a horse and broke her arm, so i’ve been doing the shit that she can’t do, like shopping, cleaning, making dinner, taking care of their property and horses and shit. We went shopping, and I had her but some magnum condoms for me, so as to spare me the embarassment of having to walk up to the counter with big condoms…I guess I just didn’t want to look cocky or some shit. any way, when we got back, she put all my stuff from the on the counter…condoms, smokes, ect. earlier that day I had taken the sheets off her bed to wash them for her. Cyrus (husband) gets home, and just blurts out some shit about “you must be fuckin with my head, why are the sheets being washed and condoms laying around?” to jean. He calls me “Mr. XL” and throws the condoms at me and askes me what the fuck was going on. He then proceeds to expel a whole revelation about how he thinks me and his wife have been fucking while hes out of town…..He thinks it’s all too obviouse. We’re really affectionate and shit, I suppose more than normal…..but still, what a dumbfuck. So I I told him basically that I used to fuck his dead step daughter, and that it would justbe too weird to do mom next (she is hot though…I would definetely consider it anyway). And I guess he’s been intimidated by me ever since I met them according to jean. But come on, intimidated by me when hes got $100,000,000? No smart woman would take any dick over that chunk of change. (unless i’m just that seducingly evil). I don’t know what to think. Now that I think about it, she has made some crazy sexual enuendos towards me in front of him, I always just took it lightly, I’m just used to it I suppose. I’ve already fucked both of their duaghter, minus the third 5 year old daughter, if I fucked mom, then i would have fucked all the women in that immediate family. This is some jerry springer shit. i could see it now….Anyway, I don’t know what the fuck to do about this shit, i pay rent working for them right now, and the tension between me and him is crazy, I seriously think we migh end up fighting, this shit is ridiculous….But I need them and they need me, i’m not sure how the fuck this is going to go down. WTF!?!?!

  179. I guess its just normal to conjure up your own idea based on obvious evidences. Except, we are not always right though. I can see how Cyrus would think that way, but if he trusts you then explain yourself to him. Jean should speak up too, both for herself and you. On the other hand, if she has the hots for you Vivi I leave it up to you to decide what you will do about that. It’s really a very unusual situation. Very much like Jerry Springer indeed. But all jokes aside, somebody has got to do something about all of it. If it comes down to a fight that’s going to be kind of sad. You pretty much got it made though Vivi,, getting such a great job. All the tension probably just blocks that out though. You guys should really talk, that’s what I would do. I am no great advisor anway.

  180. Yeah, I tried talking with him, but it seems like jean sorta instigates shit because she thinks cyrus is so ridiculous. I really do have it made with them, they pay my rent, pay my bills, help pay for my engineer schooling, buy me food, they bought me a laptop for my birthday, they even throw down a few bucks (actually several thousand) for synths and sequencers, and all i have to do is work it off on their property, and i have done a lot of work for them, i built a cottage, did some of the arcitechture in their home, built their cabin, horse stables……they just know that i refuse to work 9-5 at some bullshit job- They told me to quit working in the metal fabrication plant, they just want to make sure I don’t start with the drugs again, and they can afford to make it worth my while…they figure if they can keep me happy enough, I will keep doing well, they have seen me in all my glory, and love me because out of all the people I have fucked, I didn’t do it to them, even though they would have been the most profitable, so i guess they respect and trust me, but all of a sudden things are falling apart…..I need to fix this shit.

  181. Yeah you’ve made it too far to simply just lose all that because of something that is not true.

  182. I dont understand why people make shit so damn complicated and complex, take a time out with both of them and talk to them both, sounds like you have a pretty sweet deal i would kill, literaly, to have that right about now, speaking of, i just got kicked out again so my posts will come less frequently(like you care). I hope this finds you in a better situation than your previous.

  183. Hey… Fluffy is back, been a while.. town hopping.. so i had no comp.. missed you guys.. i read most of the new posts.. and the last one.. Nelo thinks im a good lay.. nice.. i skipped most of the orgy cause 1 GAC has em all the time.. and worse. and 2 i had no time to reead no more posts nice seeing you again but i might not be on for a while. in the mean time hope things work out.

  184. shit sorry, the first one to figure out my dislexia gets a prize.

  185. brain malfunction, fix that shit……make it work…..hit your head on a wall because it is that complex and it’s not as simple as just “sitting them down and talking to them”….. The deal didn’t just fall from the sky either…. soooo, be carefull how you say things……….. I work hard for them, a lot harder than any normal day job at that, i’ve sat in the emergency room due to crap that they werent willing to do (i.e, get hit by a car so their daughter wouldn’t get hit, dug a hole in the ground for grandma…… a LOT of shit). they are very conditional. I earned this. Have fun on the streets, if thats were you really are going to be…………..

  186. You could “just sit your parents down and talk”, God, why do people make things so complicated and complex? Its a pretty sweet deal, i would literally kill to be able to live at mommy and daddys.

  187. I’m fuckin’ bored…………as a matter of fact, I think I’m done. Bye bye.


  189. sorry i was high but yeah i am so lay off ok i know your ruler of this domain so dont jump my shit i get happy when Copestone lackys force seriquil down my throat ok?

  190. hey i just got a chance to sign in. Im away from home in an uncivilized environment. I’ll write more when i get back. don’t take shit from people Vivi. Bye.

  191. dont you mean dont let the stupid bitch give you shit? mabe that was an overeaction so sorry. Can you honestly think that where you are is any less civilized than where you were before? Not trying to start anything, i am asking a simple question, dont get bent out of shape.

  192. Being civil is cliche anyway…. it’s almost as bad as being politically correct, everybody has to watch out for each others feelings by censoring their real thoughts, and knowing when to state a “correct” or “right” comment. How fuckin ridiculouse is that? It’s almost like having a hand forced over your mouth that came from the majoritys mind….. that is some over conditioned shit if you ask me, and how the fuck did people get to the point that were all supposed to be all fuckin nuetral all the time anyway? As if to tell people not to say anything offensive, overthought, or outside of the bounderies of the “universal reality” that we all share. No room for a personal comment, or REAL opinion, and I’m talking about what a person REALLY thinks, not what people want to hear, or what you’ve been told: I’m talking about conclusions and ideas that a person came to based off of their real personal values that were not given, but developed within a persons head without any outside influence. I hope you don’t think I’m all butt hurt at you, I guess you can’t exactly read my tone, but it was pretty nuetral. I just wanted to show you your irony, hypocrisy, as well as your contradiction in giving comment to my situation, cause rarely is anything just simple enough to sit down and talk it over, as you are finding out with your parents….. where the fuck did you get that passive advice crap from anyway? Your fuckin school councelor? We can talk all day, but that doesn’t do anything for a physical situation…. if you know what I mean.

  193. I rule my domain- with a fucking iron hand. Bow down. Kiss the masters feet.

  194. No notifications have been coming to my inbox to let me know people were posting. I wonder what happened?

    Anyway, I read through everything I missed. Good stuff.

    I bow to no-one. I especially don’t kiss feet. So, what’s the update on that shit with Cyrus’ wife? Hope you haven’t had to fight yet. Also, Nelo, did you get kicked out or, were you able to sort things out?

    Hello to Knight and Fluffy. Type at you all again soon.

  195. It’s all good, I wouln’t wan’t a dude to kiss my feet anyway, unless I plan to kick them in the mouth….. You could be partner in command, we will rule and judge harshly, relentlessly and with much scrutiny. People will fall to their knees at the sight of our text and succumb to endless amounts of corruption. If our dictatorship is not respected, the animals will be smited with words rich with malicious intent. They will cry at their computer desk and log off. Soon we will need to create an army. Our officers will haul the cancer off to concentration camps/forums where they can think about what they have done while being subjected to red hand strangulation of mind. THEY WILL BE MOLDED. We will create a super race of evil intelligent computer forum visiters. They will all be beutiful in our image. They will be our children. They will have no names whatsoever, only numbers starting at 1 and so forth, and just to save numbers when one dies, their number will be given to the next born, so they may “trace their roots”, as well as see that they are just as expendible as the previouse number. None will fall to the guise of happiness. They will see fear as soon as they are born, their predisesor will be erased in front of them, so as to make due for population control……..Hitler will look like a hippy when we are through.

  196. DAMMIT! This site is not notifying me when someone replies. First order of business, Vivi, we must find the vermin responsible and take one of their eyes for punishment.

    Dude, that was some of the funniest shit you’ve ever written. I was laughing pretty hard. I liked the hippy Hitler. Whatever did happen to Whitey? I really was hoping he’d keep it up. He brought some fun to the forum for a bit. I think Nelo got scared away too.

    Also, can we get scepters? I always wanted a scepter.

  197. Scared, me ? You wish, fluffy. vivi i know where your coming from with the first post you left in response to my last. I have no clue how those stupid words came out of my mouth, i did sit down with my parents though, my mom is more open minded than my stepdad though so i mainly pled my case to her. As soon as it seemed like she was on my side though “stepfather” put in his case, ” you are a bad role model for you brother, you dont do anything around here and you embarrass us” that cut it thats it my mom has never said i embrassed her, i may piss her off and she might say some degrading shit to me though, thats when i decided to be an even stupider person and ask “dont you think i am embarrassed to be your stepdaughter” thats when he tried to hit me and then it got fun. But yeah fluffy i am staying with someone right now, the only price i have to pay is that they get to beat the shit outta me and $25 dollars a month, for me its a pretty sweet deal. I love your idea of takeover Vivi, I think we should start with the poser forums. They will be the easiest to mold for the first wave. Like a cyber Dr. Moreau’s island/ww2 right?

  198. They weren’t nessicarily stupid words, at least you throw a solution out there, i guess i can’t really explain the whole extent of this situation in writing, it’s just too tediouse of a task. I like to argue with people, it doesn’t mean i don’t like them, it just means were in different places (but there is the case of some people being on fuckin mars)….. i just hate when a debate turns into low blows, for examlpe, that kid Inuysha or whatever his fuckin name was on the poser forum….. that shit was just fuckin dumb. Oh, FF said you were scared, not fluffy maggot. I hope the shit is working out in your friendly situation at your friends…. if it is indeed a friendly situation.????

  199. Hey back to FF. I didn’t know I’d be here so soon again. Lots of shit has been discussed since my last post, I see. Fun stuff. Hey, I hope everybodys dilemmas/situations or whatever is soon to be under control atleast for a little while. Then, somebody can start some more shit on here if needs be. Oh and the person who is not being notfied when someone replies to your post should just double check whether or not you put a check mark in the box after posting. Otherwise, I can’t help ya.

  200. I came here with disinterest. after reading most of the posts i missed i’m convinced i didn’t miss much except for fuckface’s confession and vivi’s immaculate humor.
    Fuckface, i read it. To be completely fucking honest, and this might get long, i was at odds. Feeling compassion and absolute disgust at the same time. I was 4 when i learned to suck cock. “stepdad” did it to me for 12 years, the person who was supposed to offer a trusting father figure. HIS father did it, and even my step-brother tried. Babysitters, trusted family friends, neighbors, getting raped and then succumbing when they demanded more because i was already their whore. For along time i lived with most of it alone. Finally at 14, mentally fucked, waking up to hands crawling up my thighs, putting up with numerous sexual advances, sleeping with knives under my pillow…I couldn’t take it anymore. At ends cause for so many many years, trying to figure out WHY the fuck someone would want to, hating myself and them. Myself for being so stupid, naive, doing whatever the fuck i was told, them for taking advantage. Then that girl. she told and you denied, and she “admitted” to lying….the same fucking thing happened to me, only He still denies it and to his family i’m a liar, psychotically obsessed with him for some reason, and a slut. I couldn’t fucking believe it. A little understanding of what goes on in the head of the other party is little comfort. I still don’t understand why men who are sexually abused are more likely to do the same, while I’ve yet to meet a female who’s been fucked with and do shit to someone else. Not that it doesn’t happen. I’ve read about it, heard about it, who can avoid something that gets such big headlines in the news? I don’t think you’re brave for confessing. I don’t respect you any more or any less. I don’t think anyone deserves respect for admitting past perversions and manipulations. I just acknowledge it. It shook me up. Brought back so many fucking memories that I’d spent years trying to quiet down, pacify, medicate, deny, numb and bury away. they still sneak up on me. But I certainly understand that forgiveness is possible, as I’ve done with my stepfather. The family doesn’t talk about it, like nothing ever happened. You’re human. We’re all human. And the only thing I know with full certainty is that humankind is THE UGLIEST beast ever evolved or created.

  201. As for Nelo, you blame alot of silly little TYPOS on dyslexia. Dyslexia may excuse misplacing words or letters when making up sentences, the inability to properly say or write words or inability to pronounce words or sentences in their proper sequence. It does not, however, excuse illiteracy. Seeing from your use of some of the bigger words I’m sure you’re fully capable of learning how to properly spell something before you go blaming it on a disorder. Don’t mean to nitpick. Just doesn’t make you seem any less…what’s the word….Un-Learned when you blame it on a “learning disorder”. Admitted laziness is also perfectly acceptable. I’m giulty of dat waaayy too often yo.

  202. yep, i am lazy on some things but i dont try and blame all my little typos on dislexia i have to read books backwards in the mirror sometimes so they make sense, yeah my friendly situation is more friendly than what you have gone through and i am not about to try and compeat you gots me beat by a mile so take a step back, i really hate that for you maso, i am not going to try and say i understand because i would be lieing(cant spell, but sti not dislexia) i mean that i hate that for you i dont care if you dont want my sympathy or whatever you want to be the badass chick thats fine but i am sorry.

  203. Damn! sounds like we have a case of the “alpha female” complex syndrom going on here! Palsey, she was just saying it’s ok to blame your shit on straight up just being lazy, rather than pawning it off on some shit like dyslexia, it’s not like she was ruffing you up for not having it as bad as she did. SHEESH! I don’t think she would be that shallow and I’m definetly sure that she is trying to compete for the “who’s more fucked up and had it worse award”. That I would imagine something like that is low on her list of things to accomplish while socializing or whatever this is called. Take a deep breath….breath1234……..breath1234…..breath1234….but I might be wrong, so she can speak for herself, besides I don’t want to get scratched in a catfight….. well actually, that might not be so bad………..

  204. Maso, I don’t think I’m brave for saying it either. I wouldn’t expect you to.

    I’ve changed and that’s the most I can take stock in. I would never let myself do anything like that again. It’s not even a temptation. I’m disgusted with myself, and that’s a big reason for how destructive I was later in life.

    I guess I am guilty of using people again now, though. I used all of you to get this shit off my chest. This place is as fun as a costume party. I really am just a faceless fuck.

  205. I get so bored on Sunday nights at work. Nothing happens. The thing that’s nice about it is it’s a really easy start coming off of the weekend. The thing that sucks about it is cruising the internet all night to alleviate my boredom.

    Sorry, Vivi. You can use me whenever you want. I hope that helps. Hey, you never said if we were going to get scepters for our reign of terror. I really think we need them. They’re important to give off that I’m-a-holy-being-that-has-no-problems-with-fucking-up-assloads-of-people look.

  206. allright, alright…. scepters it is, I know this might not fit into the agenda, but I really want a minstrel. I know it’s outdated and has nothing to do with ruling people and shit, but fuck that. I want one to sing me my messages and shit. Yeah, A minstrel would be great, he’ll sing people their doom all nonchilantly and comedicaly, that way it will be funny when we have to do away with those who do not comply.

  207. That is an outstanding idea. It reminds me of Monty Python. Except we won’t eat these ones. No wait! That could ensure their obedience.

    Defy us and we’ll eat you. Oh, that could be used for more than just minstrel control. This is really shaping up. I’m hungry already.

  208. i wasnt trying to do the whole alpha female thing i wasnt trying to accuse her of the i am more pitiful award either and this is a pretty neauteral tone but i know it sounds real hostile forgife mee. yay sceptors to bop people with.

  209. Ohh, come here booboo…*hug*hug*hug*- we wuv you…*stroke*stroke*stroke*-Now go see my septor sweety. (J/K)

  210. Sweet fuck. PITY AWARDS? No. No no darling Nelo. I know how good I have it. It’s called Sharing Experiences. I was never competing with you. Alpha Female huh? Maybe when fighting over a sexual partner…maybe. If that’s what we’re gonna call it then sure. I’ve got the BIGGEST dildo. It’s all shiny and black. I have dubbed it the PeniSceptor. It’s seven feet tall and spews FLAMES. FLAMES MOTHERFUCKER! That’s some Hot Jizz! Muy caliente.

    By the way Nelo, did you have to hold your comp to a mirror to type “YAY FLUFFY! thats it i tnac ekam ym brain function eromyna”?

  211. We should all go out to coffee sometime. Maso, you should bring your black peni-scepter to keep the coffee hot and light the cigarettes.

    ‘Course buying a plane ticket to go have coffee with a bunch of internet friends is probably a little out of the realm of the possible for all of us. Oh well, I still wish we could.

  212. You made me laugh so fuckin hard when I read that shit. That’s fuckin funny. (the mirror deal was pretty funny too.) Well one day when I’m a rich rockstar/electronics engineer, plane tickets are on me. I could only imagine the type of trouble a group of deviants of our caliber could cause. I never really thought about what it would be like if we all kicked it together untill you mentioned the coffee penisceptor scene.

  213. The natives would flee in terror. I’d lose my facelessfuck status, though. Then I’d just have to be fuckface.

    Ooooo, that kinda sucks.

  214. hey i didnt bring up the pity awards thing or the alpha female thing. no maso i did that on accident (did i spell that right?) plus i dont own a mirror and neither does my friend.


  216. oh yeah, coffee! anytime, anywhere. Cigarettes or cigar, either will do. My computer is broken so i am at the library. I missed out on all the fun.


  218. Alright, I’ll grab the lube and the gasoline. Knight, you have to hold Nelo. Vivi, get the peniscepter ready while I lube her up and dowse her down.

    Nelo, no screaming now, this is for your own good.

  219. NAUGHTY BOYS! Now, why the fuck aren’t I getting shackled down??? After all that’s MY PenisSceptor you’re subdueing Nelo with! Ahhh, Nelo, you’re much too huffy. And for no reason at all. You come to apologies much too quickly. It’s ok. I’m quite passive really…or passive-agressive, but I’ve got a really big mouth where it doesn’t count. I stand by my affliction with Smartassinitis. It’s really bad with girls and manly-men. If I don’t piss ’em off bad enough to hit me I keep picking at them. It’s more about self entertainment. But I try to make it for a good reason. I won’t do it unless you give me a reason to. You’re just so fucking tempting. Tasty. Mmmm….creamy…arrrrghrghrghrgrhgrh…
    Oh looky here… … …High octane gasoline. First time I find THAT in a box of cracker-jack. I’m throwing in a pair of nipple clamps just for the fuck of it.

  220. OHHHH< JESUS CHRIST! I just read what I had posted when started this thread (the shit at the top)- Jeeze. I sound so horribly centimental- it fucking makes me want to puke. I mean- I do miss angelique- and I am glad I knew her, and know her parents, and appreciate them more than I have ever appreciated anything before them. But fuck man, I wish someone would have slapped me and said “be a man goddamnit!”. If I ever do anything like that again- please tell me to shut the fuck up and get a hold of myself. Really to write something like that- so cheezy- is way out of character for me…. I respect what people have done, but to go and write some anonymous blog on some sight…. ah, I feel like such a fuckin leech (at least that is not too far from my nature)…. AND YOU PEOPLE FED INTO IT!! Now that I realize this, there is a new light shed on all of you in my mind. I’m not sure it is good. Redemption is in order. I’m going to go and take a shower in a fetal position, and then burn my figer tips of the filth that typed that shit. I may go to a catholic church and sit in the confessional, I’ve always wanted to do that for some odd reason. It’s a great idea. Go in, spill your guts, say a couple of hail marys, and be on your way to another week of glorified sin. If I was the priest on the other side of the wall, I would masterbate to people’s sins. You all make me sick. I think I’m going to start a sin confessional thread- look for it soon. I’m going to play the role of the priest, and tell people how to redeem themselves, then I will jack off at my computer while reading the sins/posts. Nobody better steal this idea, or you will pay heavy.

  221. fuck all the new submissions are being put in vampires.com. how lame is that? Fuck that. I’m waiting until they get this fixed, so that my thread will be on this sight…. fuck them vampire nazi fags, nigga. They stress that the posts be vampire related, even though all new members for this sight are directed to that sight, so I guess that people who want to reply to threads on this sight cant even hook up a new acount here. I wonder if they are going to get rid of it or some shit……. If they ever fix that shit, my new confessional thread is going to be off the hook, boyeeeee!

  222. We have become bastard children to this site. All the goodie goods are over on Vampires.com . I’ve read around, but I wouldn’t join the crown. I have absolutely nothin got do with vampirism. I’d make a SUCKASS vampire cause from personal knowledge, a little too much blood in my tummy make me hoark like the little girl in the Excorcist. I Ain’t no High-class talker, like having a smart-ass attitude, and don’t care much for roleplaying sipping from me blood-filled goblet, perched upon my dark cold throne in burning silence. Too cheesy.
    I baught into it. Yes. But, like the tranny hookers I pay for on Sunset Blvd, it just feels like the right thing to do. You struck my curiosity, and sorry if it ever seemed as though I was trying to lick the crumbs out of your bung-hole wrinkles. I’m sure you can excuse, I get a little hungry…
    I’m gonna stop that one cause in a few more words i was about to go into actual food. So yes. And what the fuck is wrong with you bruning your fingertips. you know, callused bubbly, singed and flesh-flappy tip don’t exactly tickle clits just right. Now you’ll just have to do ALL the work with your big beefy member. …uh…sorry. I DO have an imagination and I’ll use it however the FUCK I want. Goddamnit.

  223. Yeah, I’m not down with any of that corny role playing vampire shit either…. It would be fun on something like newyears eve with a gang of people at a ball or some shit, but online RPG, fuck that. Them vampire niggas is on some dungeons and dragons shit foo. Na, you have been redeemed from the beginning, you didn’t buy into felling sorry or any of that shit- as a matter of fact, you said ” I won’t pity you cause your on a flat”…. I don’t think I struck your curiosity because you bough into anything. Your smarter than that (I hope). I’m glad you see me the way you do. It’s nice to talk to someone who grabs my attention, and can actually keep it. Not a common thing to say the least. It’s not that people in general aren’t good enough (well actually…), it’s hard to find anybody that is REAL. I know it sound cliche’, and kinda gimmickie, but it’s true, I fuckin hate fake people. I like it a lot more when someone basks in there character defects, and even goes as far as liking how fucked up they are as to accomodate themselves and say fuck you, rather than someone who just playes along and tries to say all the right bullshit. I LOVE YOU….. Now I have really licked all the crumbs off your ass, I could probably lick your fucking ass all day- My member doesn’t have to do all the work.

  224. Ha ha. I read my first post. I said fuck was my first name. I really am Fuck Face! Sweet. Viv, I know I came off like I was sucking your cock, but I thought you had some really interesting stories to tell. Also, your replies to people had me laughing my ass off. I didn’t see anything that wimpy about it. But hey, I guess we all see ourselves a little different than everybody else, right?

    I found this site because I was looking for vampires one night. I was very bored and hit the jackpot with some other site. I forget the name now, but I was laughing my ass off. Vampires are really fuckin’ whiny.

    Oh darkness. Oh the darkness of my soul.
    It’s so dark. Too dark for the word dark to contain the utter darkness that I exist in.

    Holy shit. It was funny. It’s a different culture, I’ll give ’em that. Anyway, I checked this site second and found these forums. I liked this one the best. Mainly because I didn’t see any of the whiny crap goin’ on and, you guys were witty as hell. Anyway, I’m glad we’re the bastard children. I hope we take over this entire site. They can keep their vampire darkness.

    Alright well, burn baby burn. I’ll type at you all later.

  225. AWWW MAN! You my nigga! I don’t know how I fell on this sight. I don’t have the slightest idea. I remember reading through the posts, and thinking, what the fuck are these kids whining about!? But I can’t really comment on their problems I guess, I kinda underestimate domestic situations to a point. But some were definetly over exagerated. It seemed like a good place to blow off some steem though. but yeah, word nigga. Dude, I love niggers. You know they love you if they call you whitey, and you call them nigger, then you have an easy E rap session together. That’s just the best type of racial harmony. Cause you know each other fits the sterio type, but you don’t give a fuck as long as you can live together under the real enemys house. (that’s a whole ‘nother subject though cuzz.)

  226. ok i have no comment for all that like you care (vivi your butt crumbs tastes good)

  227. hey guys i still didn’t get my computer back yet i am out of time at the library. write you all sooon. i miss you. cheers. where is the fun?

  228. i think it died cause we were ass kissing monkeys who like to hear morbid stories but i cant speak for anyone else.




  232. DEATH TRANSMISSION #4: *cshhh* FUCK! HE OWED ME $5!, GOD DAMNIT! – over *cshhh*

  233. Vivi i love you ( read into that what you will i dont give a damn)

  234. Shudup…you know i love you too. I’m so fuckin happy! I just got my old job back! With an upgrade too! Now instead of making cheesy house and trance music for pornos, I’ll be editing them. This will be fun for the first few months, but eventually i will get tired of having to watch the same clips over and over again. I kinda got burnt out on making music for them too, it sucks to try and sequence audio to video, when it’s porn, I get tired of hearing the same shitty loops, and watching the same crappy amatuer porn clips repeatedly. I at points would have peoples fake moaning stuck in my head for days… It sucks when your trying to sleep and your staring at the cieling, and all that is going through your head is “oh, yeah!….uhhhhhnngg, mmmmmmm” with a crappy house loop over and over. But the guy pays me really fucking well. I just don’t want to desensitize my self to girls again. After watching so much porn, it sucks when a really cool super hot chick wants to hook up and fuck around, but your’e all pussied out from editing porn….blablabla….just thought i’d share the news….I’m happy that i don’t have to deal with the millionare soap operas anymore, so what the fuck do YOU people do all day anyway???

  235. I work for the NSA. No shit. Except, it’s all night. I sleep during the day.

  236. Ohh fluffy has a cool job, he gets to sleep. Vivi’s got an even cooler job and my job is to be the site suck up, yay. At least thats what it sounds like anyway. my job is nowhere near as cool as yours so whtvr. Hey ive been clean for 2 months now, lets go sober bowling. Next time i post it will be for advice so get ready to ridicule me( i thought i would give you a heads up so you could come up with some really good ones)

  237. HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Vivi’s lost his meds! It’s ok. I’ve got them monkey tranqs…I hear they work pretty well, though you might need a couple cause they’re made for the smaller members of the mun-kee family. And don’t call PETA. THEY WANT YOUR FUCKING CHILDREN.
    They’re stupid as fuck. I love kritters but these fuckers are just wrong. And I don’t care how much those damn kfc chickens suffer I NEED MEAT bitches. Ok, so sorry to get off topic.
    Nelo, stop with the ammo already. We love you but damn. It has nothing to do with asking for help, far as I know you might need this bit of advice you’ve given the heads up for, it’s just little shit. I don’t know, maybe It’s me…I’ve been known to be a little intolerable of other females, which would make one go back to the alpha female thing. I think it’s just the neighborhood I’m raised in. So fucking Cholo GANGSTA, EAST SIIIIDE 18 STREET Mothafucka, Where the fuck you FROM, I’m Talking to YOU Beeyatch kind of place. I got the shit kicked out of me once just for looking at a bitch wrong. So don’t hate. Cuz I’ll cutchu mang. But I’m easily subdued by sweet soft bosoms, the smooth warm skin of the inner thigh, and awesome feminine smelling hair. Slap me once in a while Nelo. I bet that’d fix me. Like I told Vivi, I need it rough. And vivi I’ll get to you mang. I haven’t emailed cause I quit my job (got tired of that 16 hours for less than min. wage shit) and I been looking for another. This weekend was my birthday and I gots me some money, booze, and MORE tranny hookers. Which proves that hollywood CAN be fun when you know what to look for.
    All you fuckers owe me a naked party.

  238. HAPPY BIRTHDAY….. ok, i owe a couple of people b day presents. I’ll email them to both of you as soon as i’m not too lazy to convert some of my new music to mp3 files, the ill send um. you people should like it. it’s kind of like merzbow but melodic with samples of a real phone call to a cop station where an old lady is getting raped live on the other line. really mechanical and repetitive. good shit. MAN, don’t you know, I’m always buck nekid. sheeit. ” if I knew it was gone be this kind of party, I’d stick my dick in the mash potatoes”

  239. hey Fluffy the sex slave is here.. and direly in need of physical attention.. happy birthday, and yeah.. i still have no solid address so i wont be around o.O somebody lock me in nelo’s basement x.x;

  240. Nelo: whats in these potatos they rock??!!
    Vivi: i dont know, i used some kind of special gravy (snickers while nelo licks jizz off spoon)

  241. im am sorry maso i just feel like the whiny little bitch of the site. Fluffy, IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN. j/k thats an overused cliche i just think its damn funny cause i got some tranny friends and they use it all the time.Fluffy i think you would like my basement as a matter of fact so would vivi. (you ever notice when maso comes back everything gets sexuall?) maso believe em fi i ever met you the first thing id do is shove your face between my legs so help me blarig. By the way where do you live? thats sounds a whole lot where i am right now.

  242. gimme a head! oops, i don’t know why i said that. But GOD would i ever love that!

  243. i meant a blowjob but i was drunk or something and wrote it. I’m confused a lot too.

  244. yay someone to be confuseded with i give head too good i have no gag reflex πŸ™‚

  245. No gag reflex…do I get to test that?

    Vivi? Maso?

    Ah well…they prolly took the Peniscepter and are having a good time without us.

  246. well i moved and im in a new place just incase anyone wanted to know. Today is my first day. Anyways, its never too late to join in on the fun we can share the peniscepter.

  247. i dont do peniscepter i want the real damn thing. fuck that if you cant get it done with your shit then take your dick outta my mouth

  248. HA! The PeniSceptor is fine. And sooooo aaaaammm IIIIIIII….heheheheheh. Sure took a while to get the job done last night though. It’s so frustrating trying to get fucked by an inanimate object and not be able to sream “HARDER” or “PULL MY HAIR” or “A LITTLE TO THE RIGHT”. And then it’s twice as hard when you’re drunk and your motor skills seem to be of no-one’s will.
    Vivi? Are you sure he’s not lost in your Dungeon of Carnal Pleasure Nelo? For all you know you prolly srtung him up and was about to apply the clamps and thigh-hooks when the phone rang…and then you forgot about the load of thongs and garters in the washer…and then decided you’d put some of those yummy mashed potatoes in the microwave…
    HAHAHA, I can hear him now…”You forgot the hooks!!! Bitch!”

  249. yep i might have to go check fluffy has missed a few meals cause i like to keep my thongs and garters clean.

  250. This is true, but he should only be lucky enough to get it straight from the source.

  251. i dont know maso, its pretty hard to keep up with. How bout you come over and help with my dirty laundry?

  252. Okay, we’re all accounted for except for Fluffy. Nelo, let him go…we need our turn with him.

  253. So you just want me to let him go? You dont want to join him? Come on, it’ll be fun, i promise…….

  254. Dude, she’s lying, I swear to god. It wasn’t that much fun, she forgot about me down there…… I had to escape by chewing through my arm. She bound my hands together, i couldn’t even eat my own gravy. It fuckin sucked listening to the washer and dryer all day and night, I only saw her once or twice in a clean set of those garters and a thong, but alas, I’m alive to tell the story of many sad souls who didn’t get any play that are still in that basement, I gave them one last gravy meal before I bounced though, I had to jack it with my only arm, it was a very nobel sacrifice I tell you. Im going to go back and get the rest of my arm and beat those poor guys to death with it and put them out of their misery, then I’m gonna fuck Nelo in the ass with my chewed off arm in an attempt to gain some solace out of the situation. after that, I’m going to the grocery store to grab the breasts and smack a few asses of hot milks with the arm ass well.

  255. i got my computer back and i missed out on most of the fun. I just read the last post but its kinda hard to catch up on the whole scheme of things. I’m in a new place at last Vivi and its a bigger town and life is better. It’s not spectacular but i am happy. I will start dropping lines in every now and then as i would really like to rekindle what had been started prior to my hiatus.

  256. oh Vivi im sorry you didnt enjoy your stay but you caught me at a bad time my best friend in the entire world just died this tuesday and ive sat in my thong and garters rocking back and forth for about 24 hours didnt even brush my hair come on back yall hear??


  258. huh? that death tranmission made no sense, to me at least. Sorry bout my last post too i kinda suck.

  259. oh goody, time to dazzle you with my stunning…..intelect. But if that doesnt work my tits are pretty big…….

  260. yeah- I can replace my brains with my ridiculously evil penis rod- It’s easier for me to think that way anyway, at times I think my penis may be smarter than me though- plus, its all pierced up- ribbed for your pleasure! we could be dumbfucks in the most literal context- comon cletus it will be fun.

  261. most extra limbs tend to have a mind of their own. periced my friend had that done felt great barbell or hoop i got my nipples done…. By the way, weird and very common question, have you ever been in a mental hospital?

  262. most extra limbs tend to have a mind of their own. periced my friend had that done felt great barbell or hoop i got my nipples done…. By the way, weird and very common question, have you ever been in a mental hospital?

  263. I was in bethesda for 9 months….. it wasnt really a mental hospital- well at least not an insane asylum anyway, but more of a place for autistic kids and kids who who were in trouble with the law due to antisocial behavior- shit like trying to kill thier parents, commit suicide, killed animals- there was this autistic kid in there who was only 3 years old and was incredibly smart- but only for things he cared to apply it to- he could recocgnize the sequence of something maliciouse before it had happened, and would then try to make it happen- shit like- he saw a kite string hanging off the fridge and pulled it- cuasing a huge planter to fall on jis moms head and then laughing about it. or while his mom was driving- he would try to turn the steering wheel the wrong direction until they finally got in an accident- all this stuff could be seen as normal child shit- but he didn’t respond to ANYTHING except for the reactions of people after his little deeds- other than that, he was a vegitable….. I gotta get to work……..

  264. wow that some scary shit i mean like for the mom and stuff that must have sucked
    i wonder though what drives the human mind to do shit like that or why he was so inclined i dont know i dont try and pretend i can understand human nature, i just follow my routine eat,drugs, get laid then all over agian cause i cant sleep. I just asked cause thats where i was all day yesterday i still live with my parents cause i cant skip bail and go home my mom put me in “isolated obeservation” and they said i was supposed to come back every weekend for a year or untill i was deemed mentaly sane i dont know man they say i walk and talk in my one hour of sleep that i do manage to get so whvr you know….. im not even worryed about that i just am so embarrased that i have to live with my parents right now i mean i dont know why cause i paid for my part of the goddanm house but yeah. Dr.roccell said that i might have Multiple Personality Disorder so its all good.

  265. Damn, that sucks- I have borderline personality disorder- I was put in bethesda after I went to go and get an HIV test when I was 16- I went in to get my results all fucked up, I had wrecked myself while tripping acid and was all super full of anxiety- so I drank some absinth and shot a load of dope before i went in- The person who was giving me my results saw all of the cuts and shit- and i was already threatening to kill my self if i came back positive- I had a bunch brocken glass form the vodka bottle we drank with the absinth ready for the results- she told me she would be back with my results and after sitting there for 20 minuts I decided to leave. As soon as I opened the door, the cops where right there- and brought me to DGH psych to come off the acid. They called my mom and she told them to hold me until she could have me transferred to bethesda…… that place fuckin sucks. After a bassilion evals they finally threw my ass out of there and labeled me BPD- lame………… Fuck it- sponge off of them- it’s free- I’m sure living with parents sucks- but you eat free. I talk in my sleep- And ive woken up in different places than I remember crashing at but I’m not to sure if I ever walk in my sleep.

  266. hey finaly got out of my weekend session, just got home, and all i want is some drugs but noooo cant do that cause now i got blood tests every month too. AND ITS HAPPEND i am deemed mentaly insane by a doctor! i have a form of mpd and i am manic depressive (wow what a suprise) they had some perverse orderly watch me when i changed into my Asylum scrubs all this idot could say was why are the scars differnt colors those fuckers arent even supposed to talk to you. whtvr my mom was all sumg when i came home and she said so how do you plan on getting them to let you go. i said im not im just gonna give em all blow jobs and theyll let me walk out so my black eye is still a little sore but i get lithium so yay i guess

  267. Sounds like a damn good time in there! The place I was at was konda like that- not really an asylum or anything. I guees it puts a damper on your weekends though, heh?- send me your email- this sight is dead and it’s a slow and painfull process to try and talk to you through here….. my me email is vivisect1@msn.com or crushedvelvetcorpsegrinder@msn.com– my IM is the same as my email if you have msn IM- you should get it….. expecting to hear from you soon…………………………….

  268. Sorry about the time I was away. Life gets hectic here and there.

    I avoided the system entirely. Up until I said, “fuck it all”, and joined the Army. Hasn’t been too bad. It kept me out of alot of crap I know I would have done. So I saved myself the scars. At least now I can blow a hole in people from 300m away. So that’s good, huh? I’m not too fond of my life before the Army, so I avoid my past alot. You’re right, Viv, this site has died. I thought I’d come back to alot of reading. Oh well. I’ll still check it now and again. For anyone that wants it my e-mail is soldierboy98c@hotmail.com

  269. I still exist and always will. Vivi, Nelo where are you guys? Not a lot has been going on since LAST YEARR I see….hmmm..Well, I will check back soon. I know you guys are out there somewhere.

  270. Knight, yes it seems that this site has reverted back into the unmoving mass of 1s and 0s yet again. I miss the sarcastic banter and i can get no answer from vivi even though i have emailed him few times. what have you been up to since the past year has gone by?

  271. So I see I was signed in for two or three days! Lol…Well, when I just got on this site I asked a whole bunch of questions etc. I am being who I am now, so that’s a good feeling. I still have my ups and downs but I’m learning to handle it better. It’s all about energy. It’s in two forms: bad and good. I just leave the bad energy aside and things seem to work better that way. Oh! I moved into a new town too. It’s still small and some people are not as open-minded, but where do you not have that? So, whatever. I am just doing my thing. Thanks to you and Vivi and everybody else who was there for me. I am here for you guys too and always will be. It’s good to re-unite. I hope Vivi gets on here soon! I am excited to hear about him. So Nelo, what is happening in your life? Let’s get something happening in here. A reunion maybe? We had our birthdays together, remember? Guess we can pick up from there…..

  272. Sounds excellent knight, do you have an email address, for i do still go to school and most of my time is devoted to making that work for me so if you will please give that to me because my school blocks this site so i am not able to answer here. I am glad that you seem to be happier knight if only everyone had such a simplistic view on life it would be much less complicated and no answer from vivi i miss his sarcasam and sexuall inuendoes* forgive my spelling.

  273. You haven’t heard from Vivi cause you suck swirly black bumpy duck cock. hahahahaha….just kidding.


    This place used to be a place of splendid recreation. Like some warped therapy group that you actually don’t mind being committed to. Now it’s dead and pathetic. And We’re pathetic for still being here. Don’t act like you all didn’t already know that (or weren’t accepting of the fact anyway).

    I know something youuuu don’t knowwwww…..It’s about Yummykins. And I might tell you. If you give me something nice.
    Squishy loves me. ME and not YOU. Why???? Well that’s mostly cause I’m pissy, under the influence, and converse openly about my bowel movements (or lack thereof….which may justify alot of the pissy bitchiness actually). Oh yeah and I’m naked. Lots of naked stuff. Naked pool, naked dishwashing, naked dog-feeding…but I showered last night with my pants and bra on. And I STILL didn’t get all those nasty clumps of blood out of my hair.
    Sorry if I don’t email any of you. Truth is people bore the fuck out of me. ‘Cept for Mr. Reed of course cause he’s just soooo damn sexxxy. Hard to keep track of too. Hit him with a location device sos I know just where the fucker is. And it’ll costya a couple bills if you want to get any info outta me.

    Now hurry up and stop having a life like me sos I have more shite to babble about with other weezy babblers. Fuck fuck FUCKERS CUNTS AND BITCHES. I wuuuuuv all of youuuuuuu!!! <3 :: tee hee ::

  274. Hey Nelo,

    you can email me at ‘kbombastic@yahoo.com’ too bad your school sucks and wont let you in. Lol jk.

  275. Ye missed you too, maso. I am quite aware that i am pathetic, thank you. Very glad you and “yummykins” have found love, it brings some sort of comfort i am denied by the sadistic diety that rules, if it even does. Naked is good when you look good naked.

  276. hey nelo i think i made a mistake try adding me to ur list again cuz i might’ve accidently deleted your request :P. Sorry. πŸ™‚ VIVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII where are you :@?!?!?!?! *waiting patiently*

  277. Knight you said you moved to a new town, and if you dont mind having the information out here, could you tell me where you moved? no lie’s please.

  278. I wouldn’t mind telling you here but I don’t have a good feeling about it. Not that I think you are gonna come and get me in the dark (lol) but I like to work with my intuition a lot. I got you on my yahoo messenger now though. How about there? When we meet up. I hope you understand me. I wouldn’t doubt you after travelling this far online together (sounds weird huh)….but yeah..see you online! πŸ™‚ πŸ˜›

    WARNING: the above message is not at all sarcastic.

  279. Knight, i cant seem to find you online at the same time i am. When exactaly do you log in? Yes, i understand the reluctance to tell me here i would be too. ill see you later. ^_^ Spider bite,razorkiss

  280. I’m not on very often but I will sign in every night from now on around 10 p.m. EST. Does that work for you?

  281. OMFG I MISS YOU FUCKERS… Especially Nelo o_O Though.. I’m sorry to say I can’t touch you anymore. (and NOW i read the no gag reflex post!) -_-; aaaanywho I miss you guys and either post back or email me.. NOW wtdaintdoneyet@hotmail.com <–add if you have msn o.o IT IS I! FLUFFY..

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