to cut or not to cut

i’ve written here before, but haven’t been here in a long time. i used to cut and then stopped. i’ve cut once or twice in many a months time passing. all is well in my life and i have a love in my life that is stronger than i am. however, sometimes all is not as well as it seems. i feel out of place in this world; i always feel as if i’m hurting people and doing something wrong. i want to change and have excepted the fact that it will take a lot of time and a lot of effort on my part. it has been 4 days since i have embraced the change, and i feel better about myself and i know it will take a long time to feel even better. but the other night some friends and i were talking, one of these friends having some problems of her own lately, and she has been cutting. i wanted to grab my knife and start again. it hasn’t been easy to change, especially with only one person, well two actually, knowing what i’m going through. one thing they don’t know is how i want to cut so bad, to end the pain, to maybe end this life and end the suffering,…
but for now i will continue my travels and change myself. i will become someone i am proud of, someone i like and feel comferatable with.
until the next time i can visit