Walking

Now more than ever I feel so alone, walking through the streets and alleys by myself, with my coat and my sweatshirt’s head cover, everyday grew lonelier, walking, just walking, without a cause or destination, I just walked for days…

I see a lot of people all the time but it’s as if they don’t see me, they don’t even bother looking at me, maybe its for the best.
Everyday passes with more and more pain of loneliness, like that for a long time, the deep feeling of an outcast, of a leper, and melancholy grew each day.

I was walking down the street one day, my hands in pockets, my head covered and my face barely visible, when I bumped into her, I didn’t even noticed at first, I did feel something as I walked, and I turned around and I saw this girl laying on the ground.
“whata..?” she called faintly
“what was that for you damn stupid ape?” her voice gained deeper presence
I saw her there, I repeated my steps and helped her get up
“Deeply sorry” I almost whispered and continued on my walk, not paying much attention to anything again as I walked.
“Hey…you” she called from behind me, I turned around again and then I saw her face, she was a young girl, around my age, dressed in the blackest array was a beautiful girl, staring right at me in dismay… and then – a smile.
I stared back at her, and she didn’t bunch, neither did I – this strange situation was maintained for about the half of a very painfully long hour
I gazed into her eyes – a pare green eyes that seemed to have a life of their own, staring at me like that, her eyes laughing, pointing…smiling, beckoning at me with such a force I evidently fell down on the wet road at my feet…
“Guess now it’s my turn to help you up huh?” and so she did, approached and grabbed me by my shoulders, as I straightened my self up and finally stood there she was again just a feet away, staring at me
“Care for a walk?” I asked, nearly whispering
She gave me this look that pierced right through me
“I was kinda if a middle of a walk my self… where too?” she asked gently
– “Nowhere”
“Great” she said with a smile on her face
She curved her hand around mine, and we started walking…

It’s been years from that day, I just kept walking, I felt something, perhaps a year or so after we started walking, I felt my hand in relief that I haven’t felt for a year…
I’ve lost her somewhere, somehow, never noticed it… and I just kept on walking ever since…

By BlackWinter (Jeff Vinestein)

Jeff Vinestein, thats all there is to it

83 comments

  1. beautiful … every one can write so lovely … i can dwell on these pieces all day

  2. when we walk, we walk with a feeling, a feeling of …there are no words to describe it. we walk and walk, i continue to walk, maybe someday we shall pass… but it is all beatuiful, and sad, yes, very very sad.
    ~Dark Lady~

  3. You’re not wrong Annette. Blackwinter, stop running from the truth. You know you aren’t alone. You think you are special because you think you are alone? You are the one who is mistaken my friend. None of us would have replied to your post, if you were alone.

  4. As I see it, we are, indeed, alone. Who are you people? Just other fuckups in the world… Not even somewhere close… Maybe some of you don’t feel like you’re alone. But if you have no real friends, and you family sucks ass, then you *are* alone…

    Heck, I don’t have a clue as to what BlackWinter means, but at least I don’t pretend to understand him. I merely bring my own opinions on the matter…

  5. I am sure you have some one that cares for you. Whether you like it or not there is someone. Plus I have a fucked up family and friends that suck but I know of one human being that I know can count on. You must to.

  6. There is always people who *care*. But that doesn’t mean, that you aren’t alone. If you’ve got friends, I mean *real* friends, not just acquintances, then you aren’t alone. But if that person, who cares, is not a good friend, then you are still alone. For only good friends could possibly understand people who are as fucked up as us. And it is when nobody understands us, that we feel truly alone.

  7. That is true, though it’s hard to find those close friends, and maybe they arn’t really needed, it veries from time to time doesnt it…

  8. Sometimes there is happiness in solitude. Or a kind of satisfaction. Difficult to describe with words. Late at nights, you just stop wanting a ‘normal’ life, with normal friends and a normal family. Sometimes one can even revel in despair and misery. I know it doesn’t make much sense, but neither does the world…

  9. haha this is fucking shit.

    Choke on acid and semen you fucking moron. I wonder if you are the product of a rape.

  10. It’s a TROLL. Flamebait. He probby haven’t read it… Also saw him mocking other writings elsewhere. It’s what some people do for ‘fun’.

  11. they just need to be ignored, no use to even talk about them

  12. Obviously I’m old here.
    KILLYOURFAMILY was around a long time ago, along with jewbashingmaniac, notyou, insertnamehere… They liked to play their little games to try to anger people. People always bite.
    Welcome back KILLYOURFAMILY, it’s been somewhat boring without you and the others.

    Anyway. The post is fantastic, heart-breakingly bittersweet with a killer ending. Good work BlackWinter, I am impressed.

  13. hehe, wow, thank you so much…

    Yea… I saw a lot of those idiots…
    hmm…

    I really really would like my story to go away from the main page already… I wont post anymore stories here either despite the cooments… its not safe.. have a few coming but nothing is posted for a long time…

  14. Yeah, this posting thing seems to be a real problem of late. But that’s beside the point. You have a great piece of writing here. It is beautifully sad and lonely, with just a hint of companionship ;). I’m sorry to hear that you won’t be submitting any more. You do good work.

    Drake

  15. Fantastic writing

    Im just walking
    walking 2 save my life
    coz i know if i stop
    i’ll just pull out a knife

    But im allready dead
    cut in the head
    too mant crimson tears
    have i bled

  16. Fantastic writing

    Im just walking
    walking 2 save my life
    coz i know if i stop
    i’ll just pull out a knife

    But im allready dead
    cut in the head
    too many crimson tears
    have i bled

  17. Touching.

    I’ve been walking the path of Darkness for so long I’ve become one with it.
    Impressive BlackWinter. Very Impressive.

  18. So long talked about “loneliness” and “wrong”, I wander if thou can figure out what they are…So long I thought of them, still I have found no answer.In pain and wonder I wait for thy words if you ever accept my worthless phrases as not a waste of time.

  19. Ah,short and sweet.Heh.It was abnormally…Wonderful.Wonderful and sad.It clentches me somehow.This little story…Like,a bittersweet romance?It’s a short story,but it seems you can expect alot from this.

  20. Hang your self you degenrate!

    Your a spineless puppet of the jew

    Go fuck your jewish master!

    DEATH TO ZION!

  21. Hello: Beautiful Mess you degenrate
    It is I ‘jewbashingmaniak’ it has probly been more than one year now
    and ‘jewbashingmaniak’ Is with a K not a C
    I am suprised you remeber eney way.

    Did that SHIZY kid kill him self yet?

    And whre is my wellcome back?

    And why the fuck havent you killed you self yet? ZYKLON-B is the key

    Eney way let the Propaganda war begin!

    Hail ‘KILLYOURFAMILY’
    Aryan Blut Uber Alles!

    SUB-HUMAN EXTRMINATION NOW!

  22. Isn’t it funny, I’m not saying the piece wasn’t fantastically and sadly realistic, but all I can see is this little cartoon picture in my head, Of a huge crowd of my caricatures of all yous, Blackwinter, Faded shim, Annette… the whole lot of yous,
    All of yous standing together, in a group, all with speech bubbles above your heads, all saying the same words:

    “I’m alone”

  23. Sorry,

    I’m not trying to be cynical or sarcastic, It’s just what the comment stream seemed like.

    And to Slaughter, I never knew you were jewbasher, dammit, I hated Jewbasher because he never reasoned what he said, just coldly and relentlessly attacked the suffering souls on this site (including me). But you seemed to have changed, just as cold, mind you, but willing to preach and argue and reason. Well ignore my comments Slaughter, the ones I made in another comment section about Jewbasher being pathetic or something along those lines. He, Jewbasher, was in my opinion too self-contained, or too un-informed, but the new Jewbasher (slaughter) you’ve changed, now you are quite open and very backed up with literature. I hated, I repeat, Hated Jewbasher most of the time.

    I won’t welcome Jewbasher back, never, but Slaughter, I welcome you. Only so I have an intelligent yet opinionated person to fight with. Well I better shut up before I bore you all to death, or at least to sleep.

  24. thicktears

    Yes i was ‘jewbashingmaniak’ but that was more than one year ago and i was not verey focust back then, I will admit that i did not write eney think intelligent,

    But i am no longer ‘jewbashingmaniak’
    I have changed and triumhed over all!
    So forget about ‘jewbashingmaniak’ i am no longer him

    Triumh of the aryan will!

  25. Thats good to hear.

    Are you in australia, if not what time is it wherever you are, it’s like 1:26 am here.

  26. So Slaughter,

    What are your personal and doctrinated views on, for example, homosexuality, acceptance of a small number of blacks, women in parliment?

    Oh yeah, to set the record straight, I’m a male, as to over-ride what someone else presumed on this site.

  27. hi watcher……is ‘SLAUGHTER THE JEWISH SWINE’ allways like this?!
    great work
    ^*^
    Brite Shadow

  28. i like it…
    I like to just get out of my house to walk alone, it is nice to know i`m not alone outhere.

  29. SLAUGHTER THE JEWISH SWINE!:

    I have some questions for you.

    Where do you live?
    Is English your first language?
    Why do you hate Jewish people?

    And one more thing, if you could stop using texts from National Socialist websites that would be appreciated, just accentuates your child like intelligence that’s all.

  30. how and when this has become a discussion about some neo-nazi troll?

    ThickTears, it may appear so like a cartoon you described, I see you as naive person that keeps asking ‘why’ for the dumbest questions.
    am I wrong? maybe, I dont know you,
    and you dont know any one of the people who comment here based on a few words so dont jump to conclusions.

  31. Att: Blackwinter,

    I havent even spoken the word “why” in this entire thread, I don’t know if you are mistaking me for some one else, or you have no sense of humour, to be honest I was about to reply with another “hey I’m lonely too” comment, but then the little cartoon appeared in my head, and I thought I’d say whats on my mind, is this not what this sites soul purpose was? I am not naive on the subject of loneliness at all, I think next time your about to fire an un-provoked attack, you should stop and think a second or two longer. I liked the peice, and I stated that, I wasn’t out to offend, so chill the fuck out man.

  32. Ps:

    I just read over your comment again Blackwinter, and that was the most fabricated reason to attack me, and the most sanctimonious comment I’ve read in a long time. You state I don’t know you (what makes you think that you know me, based on a few sentences?) you state to “not jump to conclusions” and the entire basis of your comment was jumping to the conclusion that I am “naive” and “asks dumb questions” or that I was attacking you at all. Blackwinter, you stink of hypocracy.

  33. except for the laying thing….nice work i wud say,i liked it a lot. keep it up.

  34. my god Thicktears..

    You completely missed my point, I said that you are like that, yes but take a look at what I said later “am I wrong? maybe, I dont know you” thus My point is that I AM most probably wrong, coz I really dont know you, I was being cynical, I’m sorry if you wernt able to Identify it.
    what did I mean? I ment that no one can judge other people based on comments, just as you cant, and Just as I cant.

  35. that was excellent. the lonlieness that the character experienced made me reflect upon my own. it takes a great skill and talent to be able to make a reader feel exactly what the character feels at any given point.

  36. Att Blackwinter:

    Sorry blackwinter, I thought you were just ignorantly attacking my comments, I guess I’m always on the defensive. I suppose I was just twisting your words to sound more malevolent than they actually were intended to be. Sorry for getting so finger-pointing on you.

    I disclaim the derogatory remarks I shouted. I have my own problems, And I get on edge, so when I think I sense an accusation, I pounce, sorry.

  37. First I want to say this is really a great story, I kinda forgot all around me.

    Most of you discussed about loneliness. Here’s my opinion: I think every one of us can choose if he (or she) wants to be alone or not. So if you say “I’m alone” it’s what you chose. It’s not that hard to find a friend if you’re really looking for one.

  38. I liked this story it is kinda what I do. But hey I guess it is life… I’m sorry if this comment wasn’t really great but it’s my first time to do this.

  39. You have a very very valid point Haemoglobin, it really isn’t that hard to find a friend, although, it can be extremely hard to find a friend who understands you and your life.
    Out of curiosity: Are you a Placebo fan?

    I still love the story, as much as things have changed since I first read it, I still think it is amazing.

  40. Haemoglobin IS right.
    Though I was not reffering to that kind of lonliness, but more of the kind Beautiful Mess mentioned, that is what I first said “wrong” to, to Anette, while now actually I think she was very right.

    and the one that said we can all be cartooned and have clouds of thoughts saying “i’m alone” while all ogether is somewhat correct, right for we feel alone but alone because no one underatands us, and wrong because we all know the feeling and we are not alone in that, but wrong because we have no real persons to tell that too who understands, and understanding is not just understanding, its also supporting and stuff like that.
    hmm… I’m a bit drunk now so sorry for the novel.

  41. –> Beautiful Mess <–

    Good question! 😉 Yes, I am a Placebo fan, that’s actuallly why I called myself like that. So, you’re listening to Placebo, too? Or what do you think of them?

  42. I really admire you…all of you. right now I have many pads to walk, but this time I am afraid of walking because the pads are dark and cause of that can´t tell the many diferences between the lots of them. I just know about them how they start…even if I choose one I can´t tell how to keep on it.

  43. Eternaly caged in the night.
    Embraced by only darkness
    Finding my self alone
    I dont even care to have a phone
    I dont know my place in the world
    I am plagued, hated and hurt

    Everyday I have to be pierced
    Pierced by the insults and own fears
    I am misunderstood and cold
    I guess this little message should never be told…

    I am hated… or so it seems….

  44. Are we seeking Darkness?
    Or have darkness chosen to haunt us?
    is this our destiny?

    Btw I like Blackwinter and ThickTears makeup… finally I got to see civilized people discuss in a mature way… I’ve mostly seen things like ” FE’NOS TOL BITCH” and ” STFU NOOB ” and all that ” crap ” 🙂

    am I finally among the lost souls of darkness??

  45. This piece is well written. But I feel that a longer story could come out of it.

  46. thank you…
    Yet all attempts by me to write stories that are more than a few pages long have been kinda lame.

    yours
    Jeff E. Vinestein

  47. your writing is great, and the story was beautiful, but where does it go??

    I’ve had my share of partners, but none of them have been able to break me of my former love. He was the only one i could have feelings for, and after we broke up, he used me for sex, and i let him. That was the only way it could be. Now hes asking for me to come back, i desperatly want to, but i don’t know if i can. I Don’t know why he wants me back. i don’t know if he’s for real. All i know is that even though i love him, i don’t know if i can be with him. my point is, even though there is love, it may not be true or perfect. The strongest love is loving, and saying no, because you know that you can’t be together.

    Ok, yes that was just a random thought that i had to get off my chest.

  48. Holy crap, a place with intelligent people.. im very surprised.. i like you guys already.. now onto the story.. yeah what everyone else said.. im too tired to be original right now good though.. *snooze*

  49. I cannot help but think of the darkness as a fabrication, in pesimism and tradgety one will find themselves but not happyness. In not excepting what we are conditioned to percieve as our reality one can make oneself perfect or mad. The lightness of our being is as excrushiating as the weight, we float in darkness but without sight one can lose themselves. There are no solutions to the many misguided questions we preach to ourselves. We can only hope.

    Well… that was COMPLEATLY irrelivent… but the (wonderful) story in a way bagan my thoughts on the subject…

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