‘Dear Max, Oct. 1 1998 This isn’t Ruth, it’s her aunt Laurie. The reason that I am writing to you is because I have some bad news. Ruth was in a car accident and she didn’t make it. This is hard for me to say this but I felt that you should know. Ruth’s mom is hit pretty hard by it, we all are. She was pronounced dead on September 30, her funeral is this Saturday (the 4th) we would all love it if you could come. Just call if you need anything. 555-3629. I’m so sorry Max. Laurie Baker’
“I memorized that letter,” Max said to herself as she sat in front of the tombstone, “My heart sunk and I could feel the world stop. It hurt to know you died. Just thinking of you being gone used to make me cry, but now that you are, it makes me want to be with you.” Maxine paused and looked up at the sky. The big blue heavens with floating clouds looked so peaceful. Every cloud looked like Ruth, as the clouds shaped and floated, she spotted one that looked like Max and Ruth in the second grade. She followed the cloud with her eyes until it disappeared behind the big pine trees at the edge of a graveyard. She followed the trees from the triangle tip to each of the branches. Her eyes flowed to the trunk and she noticed two squirrels with thick red tails eating corn feed. She immediately thought of when her and Ruth used to share lunch with each other. “Why did you have to be in that car? You notice how bad things seem to seep their way into my life? I wish we could go back to second grade. Thet’s when we got to actually see each other. Why did you have to move away? Yeah, the letters and stuff were nice. We were still best friends… I trusted you. It might have been though mail but still, I told you everything. Now who is there for me to talk to? God? Yeah right, I don’t trust very much lately.” Max looked down at her hands and visualized that the long fresh looking cuts weren’t there. Self mutilation seemed to please Max after the news was found. She followed the cuts up her small bony wrist to the toothpick like fingers which held a letter she had written for Ruth. The envelope was covered with little designs that Ruth often used when writing to Max. A tear fell out of Max’s eye and landed on the ink making it run. She placed it under the deep red roses where she knew that Ruth would look if she was still here. Max looked at the statue of the Virgin Mary. The statue contained a black rosary wrapped around her hands. Her eyes wandered to the top of the statue, the white headdress led down to the blue robe. Virgin Mary was on her knees with her hands up to her chest in a praying manner. Max knew that Ruth didn’t believe in God and so she didn’t know why her mother would allow that statue to remain. There was a lot Max didn’t understand. Like why Ruth had to move. She saw it that if Ruth would never have moved then this would never have happened. What is death? This is something Max wanted to find out. “Wow. You’re gone. I remember when I got my first letter from you after you moved away. I still have it. I can recall the Christmas you came over. We walked around town singing carols. OH! And that guy that wanted to pick us up. Our mothers taught us well ‘Don’t talk to strangers’ as they would say.” Max slid her black leather sandals off of her hot and tired feet. She set them behind her and looked down at the freshly cut grass that was growing around the dirt. She observed most of the tiny pebbles in the dirt which brought her eyes to the tombstone. She focused on the writing which described her deceased friend in her lifetime, “Loving Daughter, Caring Sister and Best Friend.” She concentrated hard on the ‘Best Friend’ and wondered “How would they know?” She scanned the gray and black swirls of marble until she came to more lettering. As she read the inscription, she began to cry, “Ruth Roget 1985-1998” and just couldn’t believe that she had died just 4 days ago. She ran her fingers over the name tracing each letter with depression and anger. Her hand dropped to the ground beside her Indian-crossed legs and her head was hung over her body. Something drew her eyes to look to her right. Discovered in the grass was a four leaf clover. Max rubbed her necklace which Ruth gave to her for her 13th birthday. The necklace contained a four leaf clover locket and a picture of Ruth and Maxine from years before. “This necklace will always stay here on my neck.” Max pulled something out of her pocket and set it on the base of the grave. It was Ruth’s necklace. The shiny silver chain twisted down to the locket. The metallic green clover which held the picture of the two best friends. Max closed her eyes and envisioned a time on the playground when they were playing dodge ball. She had overthrown the ball and it went into the road. Everyone failed to notice the car coming down the road, everyone but Ruth, so when Max went to get the ball, Ruth snatched her back and made her realize what almost just happened. Now Max felt bad that she wasn’t there to pull her out of the car and make her realize what was happening. “You were my guardian angel Ruth. Who is going to watch out for me? I would do anything to be with you right now.” Her eyes roamed the graveyard and she noticed the orange sun setting behind helmet shaped hill. She hadn’t realized she had been out for this long. She turned her eyes back to the yellow and white carnations. The pattern was interrupted here and there by dark red roses. Once again her eyes were focused on the statue of Mary. “Doesn’t your mother know you don’t believe in God? Even I knew that. I remember the letter you wrote to me about your mom making you go to church. You didn’t talk to her for a week, or thats what you said. This whole thing makes me wonder if God is taking revenge on you. I thought God loved everyone.” Soon she became distracted from her thoughts and focused on a bird perched on the rounded top of the tombstone. Its gray belly stuck out and it fluffed its feathers. The small round bird stared at Max, she stared back. The bird lifted its tiny gray wing as if it was waving. “Ruth?” Max thought, “Is that you? Ruth?” Tears began streaming down Maxine’s face. Ruth loved birds and her favorite color was gray. Max held her hand out for the bird. “C’mon Ruth, I wont hurt you.” The bird dropped its head down to her fingernails and pecked at them with its beak. It picked up a tiny leg and set its pine needle feet onto her hand, then did the same with the other. Max brought the bird to her face and looked into eyes once again. The bird chirped and flew away. With her hand still set in the air she watched the birds gracefulness as it soared above her, then disappeared behind the big pines. She hung her head in her depression once again and just let the tears flow. “Do you think you will come back? Even if its a bird? I hope you know I love you. It might seem like IM mad at you, but Im not. Its not your fault you had to leave. I just miss you so much. I love you.” Her eyes kept focusing on the statue. Max stood up and straightened out her long black skirt. She slipped her sandals back on and placed her hands atop the statue. It felt cold and stubby. Placing one hand at the base and the other at the top, she picked the statue up and brought it to the woods. Finding a stump she smashed the statue and watched the pieces go into the air. White chalk like stuff settled on the ground and stump. She bent over, picked up a piece with a jagged edge. She turned her arm over and lightly ran the hard plaster over the cuts. Within a moment, she eased the point into blue vein and slid it down. With blood racing down her arm she made her way back to the grave. She laid down beside the tombstone and closed her eyes. She could feel the wetness flow onto her skirt. “Soon.” she said to herself. “Soon things will be the way they should have been all along.”