christmas is such a load of shit.i know that makes me sound like a complete hypocrit coz i used to love it and be the most excited person ever but somehow it doesnt feel the same after you start cutting and hating everything about life…….
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Life drains the spirit out of you when you find out what a facade that they now celebrate. They have forgotten what the spirit was…and you need to go back to old celt to find it. ‘Yule’ as it was then was a time of feasting and getting together to share what little each had in the middle of (winter) hard times.
You’re right about Christmas being what you describe (Sh*t). It’s weird, but my parents agree on this without me even prompting them to say so. Wow! It’s become that bad!
I dunno. I’ve always just hated Christmas Eve. But that’s because my parents always have attempted to force me into going to parties thrown by their rich friends. So I have to dress nicely and be a “socialite”. Or something. But Christmas is different. Quite possibly because I love snow. And I have no idea… But it’s not really about the presents for us. It’s more about just being happy. Or trying to be. And it’s a good time for me especially because that’s the day where I forget about my cuts, I forget about who did what and what friend died and why I’m so angry…. So on. I just empty my mind. So it’s a good day. And I feel like I did when I was little. I can run into my parents’ room all giddily, beaming because Christmas is here.
(and on a different note, I finally got out of cutting. I used to think it made me feel better, and I guess it did. But not really. It made me feel better like killing some one would make me feel better. I still feel awful about it and other things, but I’ve done it so something is relieved. *grin* I’m not going to pressure anyone into stopping. But whenever you feel ready to stop, I promise. Cutting is an addiction. It feels good not to be under its power.)
.glass.
I agree with lets go kill. It’s like after growing up from the fairy tail of believeing in Santa, the world smashes your dreams and your hopes. Things all seem to slip away and one day you relize that notthing truely has an importance anymore, not even your reasons for continuing to live. After that, not even, what is suppose to be the happiest time of the year, is able to be cheery. I used to love chrismas as well, but soon existance just drains out all the reasons why you should be happy.
my family used to be just like soccer mom and all that shit.. growing up i loved xmas even tho my family was jsut plain out fucked we tryed to cover it up. finally the coating is off. i have been treated like shit and i just hate everythign and everyone. i hate xmas i dont know why but it plain out sux….. guess always the lil lands in our minds dissapear and we see reality….