Watching you lie there
With no life inside,
No more ambition,
No more thoughts or dreams,
Just emptiness and nothingness.
It’s weird to see you like that.
Knowing that a few hours ago
You had a breath and a heart beat.
Knowing that the last time I saw you
I didn’t say everything I wanted.
Knowing that we had so many laughs
And good times.
Why did you do this?
How could you get up the nerve,
To actually so this to yourself?
How could you leave at this time?
Why did u leave us this way?
Did you think of how your friends
Or family would feel?
What did we do wrong?
Who or what was the thing that set you off?
All these questions won’t be answered.
Seeing you there hurts inside.
I feel like crying.
But I just can’t.
I do know how your life was.
How hard it was.
And all the stuff you went through.
I was always there for you.
Why didn’t you come to me this time?
Did I do something wrong?
Was I the one who set you off?
Or was I the one who built it up?
These questions and this day
Will haunt me for the rest of my life.
The questions now are,
How will I go on?
How will all your friends and family go on?
Knowing they could have been the problem.
The one who hurt you.
Knowing that we would have prevented this.
Or how we should have seen the signs.
Thinking back I remember when you talked.
I should have said something.
To either you or someone else.
I ignored the cuts on your arms.
I ignored the way you talked.
I ignored the words of pain.
Why did I ignore that?
Why didn’t I see pass the cover-up?
Now I’m crying.
And I feel the pain that you did.
I’m the one with the knife.
Will I have the guts to do it
Or will I chicken out?
I should get help.
I used to be the one saying get help.
How did I get in your shoes?
I can answer my own questions,
But I can’t at the same time.
How will this end?
I’m the one to decide
Unless someone stops me I’ll do it.
Wait…I hear someone coming.
~Chikara~
The Feeling of Loneliness
The feeling that no one is around.
It hurts when no one understands.
When you want to talk,
Either no one is there
Or they aren’t the person to talk to.
Very few understand the true feelings of another.
Some sense something wrong,
But they just don’t know.
People will push and push someone,
They push either away,
Or push to where the other will breakdown.
Which would be better?
To be lonely or to break?
Neither in my eyes.
Loneliness can hurt.
There’s different types of loneliness.
One where there is truly no one around,
And one where there’s many around.
It won’t seem like you should be lonely with many around.
But some how it works that way.
It happens when people put you down or
When your own family ignores you,
And makes life seem miserable.
Being completely lonely, others can see that.
They see that there is no family around.
That people seem not to care.
But in both cases they feel the same.
The same loneliness.
The longing for someone to hold and love.
They have to deal with it somehow.
Sometimes it’s not the best.
Will they find what’s missing?
Will they pull through and survive?
All of those answers are yet to be found.
Only time can tell.
~Chikara~