What to do???

It’s been a while since i posted anything on here to ask for advice, but i’m just confused and thought i’d see what you lot thought about it.

Four years ago (i was 16), i met a guy (Chris). He was the sweetest, kindest most considerate person i’ve ever met. We fell in love and yet we couldn’t be together because i was being held back by a very strict religious upbringing. To cut a long story short I gave up everything for him, i left my religion which meant giving up my family and friends, but by i actually did all that it was too late because things got so screwed up for various reasons i won’t go into. I lost him and all because of a stupid misunderstanding that i could easily have corrected if only i’d have seen it coming.

Four years later and the person who screwed things up for me and Chris is completly out of our lives. FOur years later and we’re still in touch. Four years and a few boyfriends later and i still love him more than i will ever love anyone in this world.

We’re friends now. We have a weird little relationship because we always seem to drift in and out of each others lives. He has always been there for me through the rough and the smooth – just like he said he would be.

For three years after ‘me and Chris’ i made myself believe that i had let go and moved on. I forced myself to just to forget about it because there was no point in dragging up the past because you can never go back.

But what if i can?

What if fate has had a massive part to play in our lives. Maybe we were meant to meet at an early age but never actually be together. We went our seperate ways, we’ve both been in long term serious relationships and now here we are. maybe it was fate that things didn’t work out when we were young. How many relationships work when you’re 16 years old? Maybe fate has brought us back together and maybe we were just meant to be together.

I am so frightened though at the prospect of me and chris actually being together in a proper ‘boyfriend girlfriend’ relationship. i’m so scared that history will repeat itself and if it did i would be absolutely crushed. I also think i’m still too young to be in the kind of relationship that i want to be in with Chris.

So what do i do? Do I just leave things as they are now and just be his friend whilst trying to ignore my feelings for him? Or do i take a chance and go for it?



  1. the only way to get big returns is to take big risks…
    it sounds to me like
    u know deep down what u shud do…
    from the way it sounds
    i think u shud give it a try
    because it isnt often that u meet someone that ure willing to give up everything for….
    Everything happens for a reason
    maybe u all both needed to grow some more before it was time for u all to be together…maybe that time is now
    theres only one way to find out right?
    i hope i helped u out a bit…

  2. You should go for it since you seem to either need to be with him or you need some sort of closure so that you can actually move on. Being with him will give you the one you need, I think.

    Plus, there is always the philosophy which I am becoming a strong believer of that states that the only thing you regret more than doing something that ends up being a huge mistake is not taking the chance in the first place.

    I think you would regret not doing it and have trouble actually being with other people if you don’t try this,

  3. Vix, I’m sorry for you, I am. I wonder if we can help you, because we don’t have details. No, I think this might be something you gotta do on your own.

    The thing is, if you wait, and be a friend, and all that shit … the chances are a moment will come when it’s too much, and you’ll either fall back into old habits, or you’ll end up giving him up totally.
    Right now you’re in limbo, and that can’t last forever – believe that, if you don’t believe anything else. You’re dissatisfied, and sooner or later you’re gonna force yourself to act. That could end disastrously.

    Your two choices aren’t 1) try again or 2) remain this way.
    Your *realistic* choices are 1) try again or 2) cut him out of your life.

    coz while he’s there, wandering in and out of your life, your head is gonna keep latching onto the fact you’re not with him, and you’re gonna keep going back to that same thought. “What if?”

    Only you can know in your heart if you have a chance at being happy. And if you don’t … get the hell out. Keep away from him and clear your head. It’ll be long and it will be hard, but it’s a way out for you.
    Hey, you’re still young yet. You can’t possibly know if there’s not a stronger or more enduring love out there. I mean I thought I’d never love anyone as much Nancy, and look at me now.

    This is all on you, honey. Only you can know. Either way, make a choice. This is no time for sitting on fences being indecisive.

  4. Thanks guys. Blacklight you are absolutely right in what you said. I am in limbo and deep down i know it can’t last forever. And you’re also right in saying that it effects other relationships – it always has and if i can’t let him go it probably always will.

    He’s been back in my life for 2 weeks now, nothing has happened, i think we’ve just been sending each other mixed signals which makes things a million times worse. Already i can feel the strain on me and you’re right – my head has permanently latched onto the fact that i’m not with him.

    I’ve moving away to uni in the summer, i think that’s going to be a good thing. Getting away from this town and from him. 3 years living away will do me the world of good, but i know that deep down i’ll always be regretting, always be holding onto that tiny bit of hope. Is there no end to my suffering?

  5. Yep, there’s an end. You just can’t see it yet, but it’s there. I promise you on my life.

  6. Vixodus, if you’ve really spent this much time on this guy, why are you letting him go?

    I would pull him aside and say look, Do you want to get back together or do you want to go our separate ways? See what he thinks. You might be very suprised.

    I’m living proof that relationships at 16 DO last. I’m 18 now and still with my boy whom I met 2 years ago at work. We’re to be married soon, and I swear to God I couldn’t be any happier.

    Like they said up there ^^^^ Life is all about taking risks. Besides, I think NOT knowing what could have been is -much- worse than trying to forget someone you might love more than anyone in the world.

  7. Along the same lines as Tiana, I started out with my girlfriend when we were 16 and we are still together. We even broke up when we went away to school since we figured we should try to make sure that this isn’t some sort of fluke (this was the first good relationship either of us had had). However, we ended up going to the same school, anyway, and got back together after being apart for only around 8 months.
    To bring it all together, I turn 22 this thursday so it has been quite some time.

    Just another example that things at that age are important even if you just think you are kids at the time,

  8. I want you to know Vix, that if you think you got a chance you should go for it. I think asking him before you’ve decided for yourself is a mistake though because you could easily be coaxed into something you know is a mistake. It’s your choice, and you need to do it with a clear head.

    But … I think you’ve already made up your mind anyway.

    It’s got nothing to do with us, either way, but I just wanna say, the pain doesn’t last forever. People are incredibly resiliant. We’re changing every moment, and it’s almost certain that if you build up your own separate life, a time will come when you realize you don’t need him like you think you do.

  9. I’m thinking that i’m just gonna leave it the way it is. Something tells me that he doesn’t feel the same way as i do, he’s moved on to bigger and better things since me and for him i don’t think going back was ever a real option.

    So where does that leave me huh? still in limbo. i guess i;ve just gotta think positive about it. As i said – i’m moving away in a couple of months so maybe that is the beginning of the end. It will do me good to be away from him i think. Even though i’ll miss him. But i gotta learn to move on (even though i truly thought i had moved on and left it all in the past).

    All well, life’s a mystery – and the people in it are even worse.

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