(This–this was what i call free flow thoughts. Not actually something worth reading. I just thoroughly enjoyed getting it out.)
When it all comes undone. When the blood dripping down your arms and legs and chest and even your feet isn’t enough to suffice the burning in the pit of your stomach. When the doctors can’t put you on enough pills to keep you comfortably sedated without killing you in the process.
When you turn on everyone you know–and they’ve had more than they can handle so they walk away and you actually begin to cry with joy and do the happy dance right there in the street. When the moon no longer listens to your violent pleas. When they finally admit your favourite person in the whole wide world is slowly and oh so painfully dying of cancer and there’s no turning back the hands of time cause time is a shifty bastard that somehow manages to escape your very grasp. When your best friend is two-thousand miles from the sound of your voice after months of screaming and tears and is soo completely consumed by the confusion of what ring he should get his girlfriend. When the voices in your head are even crying hysterically and having more temper tantrums that you imagined even possible. When the darkness is no longer your savior but instead becomes your greatest damnation and you fear the day AND the fucking night so you consider just cowering in a corner 24-7 because that might actually be an improvement on your current situation. When all you want is a loving touch or comforting hug from someone who fucking means it, but that would mean altering time and space as you know it because there’s no fucking way you’re going to find that kind of compassion and sincerity in this god forsaken hell hole of a planet. When the fires of self-contempt lick all too lovingly at your toes as you consume the entire liquor cabinet and somehow remain living, however now in extreme pain. When the fear to sleep—–to dream that is—is soo powerful you can barely breathe let alone lie quietly so as to not piss off the rest of the house and invoke sheer wrath from mommy dearest. When all you want is a fucking cigarrette but it seems today the entire world quit smoking for some STUPID reason that you couldn’t even begin to possibly comprehend because you’re too busy trying find someone who might even smell like tobbaco. When you can’t even control your thoughts long enough to get to the goddamn mailbox and back quietly–and in the process manage to terrify your neighbour, a small child, some passers-by and yourself. When you’ve developed more than six seperate nervous twitches. When nothing cures the insanity and the constant and ever increasing screaming within your head refuses to cease even after a three hour session of bashing your head off the concrete walls. Will people finally say….”Hey…she deserved to give up!!!!”?