why do people like hurting

i am trapped in my mind against the iron walls of treacher never knowing what or what is not real all is blurred together in this vision of lost hope and happiness which never really existed because all that i know is real is the lies and deceit and betrayal how am i to know that i’m not completely deliusional and these acts of friendliness aren’t just a figment of my vivid imagination thta only long for acceptance and companionship i continue sprialing downward on this path of self masochistic destruction where pain and suffering are the only comforting companions i know