Why is it??

Why is it that when you want to be left alone, is the time your most needed?? Why cant I just be left alone a crumpled heap on the floor, out of anyones veiw, or criticism?

Is it such a big deal, that I want to wallow in my self-doubt and self-consciousness? Why is it that you only care when I start talking about death as warmly as I used to talk about my family and friends? Is it to much to handle that death may be the beinning rather than the end? Can I not be allowed to think, bleeding my sins away, will make me a better person? In the end, do you really know the answers? In the end do I? Is life worth the trouble of reaching death? Is death worth all the trouble lifes caused? How can I be sure till I live my life me own way, and find out why is it??