Why wont someone ask whats wrong???

Had another therapy session…I think they are getting even more crazy than me. Everyone just sits around (my mom, sister, brother, and therapist) and discuss how I won’t talk to anyone and how I am so depressing, blah blah blah! Yet no one has asked me even once “Whats wrong Raven?”

It’s like they think I wont give them an intelligent answer. I havent spoken to anyone (at all) for about 3 months. I just am not gonna say anything until they ask me what is wrong. That isn’t so much is it?
My mom sits there screaming how I don’t appreciate her and how I am such a freak and how I should be more like my brother. Then comes in my room at night to cry softly and stare at me. I KNOW YOU’RE THERE YOU MORON! “Why did you cut all your curls off? Why did you dye your hair black? Why are you coming home from school with more piercings? Why do I find disturbing poems all over your room? She asks me all those questions but skirts the real question, “Raven, what’s wrong?”
If we ignore the problem than maybe I’ll figure it out on my own…isn’t my moms logic lovely? I might go away for a while, they know I am suicidal again. They probably saw the blood on my shirts and pants and I think she found my razor blade and knife, what a fucking snoop. Why does it even matter? They’ll just lock me away for longer this time, “2 months wasn’t enough to make her sane so lets try 6 months…” Won’t someone just shoot me?
The kids at school are asking for it. There’s three guys in my history class, they keep poking at me and I turned to them tody and was like “You know how in the wild, animals wear different colors to show they are dangerous and poisonous so you don’t try to hurt them because they will kill you?” they nodded their heads slowly, “I am one of those animals.” They turned around and laughed nervously.
You’d think after what everyone says about me they wouldn’t wanna screw around with me but they are just ASKING for me to shove a fucking bomb up their ass and blow them to itty bitty bits! I cut of my hair in class today, it’s up to my eyes now and I am gonna let it hang their and maybe spike some or something. My friends are worried one day I will come to school completely bald. It’s like my hair symbolises everything that is wrong with me. I want to cut it off, all of it. But what will I cut then? I’ll probably get deeper into piercings and tatto’s.
I already know how I want to die. I want to be on a cliff and listening to papa roach’s “last resort” and then I will fall and I can imagine I am flying until I go S P L A T!!!
I am not crazy….I’m psyco 🙂

Raven666

By _Bloody_Rose_

Why does my life have to be this way? Why won't someone keep me safe? God I love my boyfriend but he just doesn't understand the pain inside me. I wish I had a boyfriend who understood and didn't look at my fresh cuts with a look of pity to then kiss them one by one as to make the hurt go away. Why won't someone tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way? Why won't someone give me a light so I can be guided home? Darkness, Dank, and Death consume me....Feeling Failing Falling Fading, ~Satania666~

12 comments

  1. sounds horrid to me, those parental units i mean. Hey question, might i use that line, about the animals. MIght come in handy. Don’t you just wish people would just fuck off sometimes? Sometimes i just wanna be alone.

    ~*Morbid Endings*~

  2. maybe her screaming at you is her way of asking what’s wrong. maybe she’s afraid that if she outwardly asks, you’ll just shrug her off. sometimes, saying nothing, says it all wrong.

    and about those guys, if they keep fucking with you, put a damn voodoo doll in their lockers. it’ll scare them just the same, unless you do want to use it…

  3. Why don’t they ever ask the right question? I could never figer that out with my parents either, like they were cold or frozen or something in their emotions. SO i did have to find things out for myself…and I’ve had to come to terms with this (never easy) that in my darkest hours I would always be ALONE in it.

    Take heart, there are others like yourself, talk when you want to talk.

    So what is wrong, Raven, to get you to where you are now???

  4. BloodyRose…

    i dont know but your life is of meaning to me, to us. We are the civilized people of this world. Although not veryone of us share the same interest and belief of what is right.

    You still have the light within you. And that gives you pain. You hate others, you are full of hate yet you inflict pain to yourself not to those who are deserving. Embrace who you are, the light had dimmed and you’ll never find yourself on the place you don’t want to be.

    Style is of no meaning and your pain is miscellaneous. Embrace the darkness on you.

    We will see each other again… Don’t ask where..

    we will see each other again.

    Dream well…

    xxx

  5. hmmm…..people are so nieve…. but then again, if they did ask you what was wrong, would you acctually tell them, or just let it linger in the air?? what is it exactly you would tell them anyways? i mean, even though my parents do ask me whats wrong, i always tell them what they want to hear to get them off my back and continue on with their lives, atleast thinking im ok…

  6. YEAH!

    THAT IS SOME FUCKING BRUTAL SHIT!

    FUCK , I WISH I COULD COME TO YOUR SCHOOL!

    I WOULD BE HONOURED TO STAB EVERY CUNT THAT HANG’S SHIT ON YOU!

    I WISH YOU COULD SEE HOW WORKED UP I AM!

    I got a dollar that say’s those cowardly fuck’s that pay you out are in a group, fucking coward’s!

    I WANNA CONME TO YOUR SCHOOL AND STAB THOSE CUNT’S, I DONT CARE IF YOU ASK ME TO STAB SOME CHICK’S AS WELL1

    A BULLY IS A BULLY!

    AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH

  7. Thanks to all of you who have responded to my posts. I don’t think you guys know how much this means to me that someone really cares. I wish people like you came to my school and we could hang out so I wouldn’t feel so alone. Thanks again!

    Raven666

    Forsaken of God
    Even Death won’t approach Me
    Why won’t someone just shoot Me?
    I wish to Die…

  8. Here’s the secret: They pretend to be concerned about you. They pretend to want to try to help you. The truth is, they care more about their self image as parents, and don’t give a damn about you.

    Don’t let them get to you. That’s all I have to say. My mother is never home, didn’t have a job for two months so my sister and I starved. She complained about us not eating enough, and that was ‘our fault.’ I’ve come to believe my mother hates me, and I really don’t care anymore.

    Your ‘family’ uses you as a tool to make them look good. Then finally, when you become Gothic and their plan of looking good to other people backfires on them and they get mad at you for it, because you just ruined their ‘image.’

    My advice… Fuck ’em. You don’t need them, and you never will again. When they don’t pay attention to you, shove your ‘depression’ harder into their faces. Make them feel like shit as often as you can. Maybe they’ll care then.

    -PAiN-

    tabiona118@hotmail.com

    Talk to me sometime… I’d like to hear more.

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