will someone tell me what’s wrong w/me?

i’ve just recently relized that i’m not like other people around me. I’m not as happy or jolly as other people and myself would like me to be. i mean, i laugh till my stomach hurts if there is a funny joke on t.v. , but i just can’t bring myself to feel all that happy about anything anymore. At family get-together-thingies and stuff, i usually just hide out in my room or i’m the person that stands away from everybody else. i hate being around people for some strange reason. i mean, i don’t want to be lonely or anything, but i just don’t feel that anyone around me will understand me or the way that i choose to be. i don’t feel that i could open up to anyone. (even my own parents. isn’t that sad?) i just stand and watch people, thinking about why they seem so happy. what are the reasons. then i see if i have those things that they do, and i do. so what’s wrong with me? all i kno is that i’ve been like this ever since i was a little kid. Damn it, this is driving me mad!!! Also, i’m not a goth (or at least i don’t dress like one) but i’m begining to think that i should start dressing like one. Don’t u get me wrong! I’m not some stupid ass wanna-be that only wants to dress like a goth cause then i’ll be cool. I just figured that if i did, the people that are stupid and narrow-minded will leave me alone, and the people that feel the same way i do will start noticing me, wether they’re dressed like me or not. Then maybe i wouldn’t feel so alone. Besides, those type of clothes do apeal to me and kinda sorta, in a way, express the way that i feel inside.
Anyway, does my idea make sence, or is it the most stupidest, most idiodic idea to have ever been planted into the thoughts of a human brain? Please do feel free to express whatever opinions u like. Or even better, be a helping hand to this mis-guided soul and give me some tips on how to finally reach some sort of inner peace before i go mental. j/k ^^

By mickyX

likes: anime, metal and gothic, gothic paintings and art styles, drawing, the sight and smell of blood (not taste, or else i'd really be scarying the shit out of myself. . .), slitting, jewelry, skulls