My chipper approach on life has fallen short. There are all kind-of things to know the right answer to, but don’t really feel it. It might just be a shroud, cover in understanding that strangness means seperation and that not going along means insanity.

Preaching how sex is enjoyable may be the worst of it all. Having many boyfriends and haveing sex with only fourteen out of them, it is hard to say anything really. Getting far as learning basic motions is as far as it goes. There hasn’t been any enjoyment in the act. Being friends with men works out fine. It is probably the only reason sanity is still in my life. Preaching love, happiness and friendship is distant in reality to me, so why do it.

So what does someone do when people try to tear them down? Even a “friend” in the mix who just lay there while my whole life suddenly changes.

Where’s the caring? It is nowhere. Nowhere to be found. Sure I as soon watch them die. I know they couldn’t care less about me as the try to keep me down even longer.

There is far cry from having sex and enjoying it. Remembering all the times I should have loved the person that took my virginity, but only felt hatred. The smiles and conversations to conceal it were atleast short.

It would take more than a mile in someone shoes to make betrayal by someone, in reality is barely known to me, okay. Though getting knocked down some and living a fairly tragic life, there is still no understanding in my heart for them. There will never be empathy for them.

A great distance is there from what life should be. But what should life be. So maybe I will just preach it can be better. It really can. Is it paradise? It is also far from that too.