At nine and half months and seventeen days
Jack Armstrong appeared at the end of his mother’s labour
He saw a doctor, a nurse, his father and his three-year-old sister
There and then he decided he didn’t like what he saw
The outside world was all bland and white
With big heads making ugly faces at him
It was at this point that he made his decision
He turned around and climb back into the womb
The expression upon his mother’s face
Was very much like the same expression
Found on the faces of Vlad the Impaler’s victims
A couple years went by and Jack made a few changes
He removed all the eggs in the two side rooms
The room on the right side he made into his bedroom
A waterbed in the centre, a stereo in one corner
A basketball hoop next to a Britany Spears’ poster on the wall
A signed Hansie Cronji picture on his bedside table
The other side room he turned it into his kitchen
The main room, the heart of the Virginia, became his living room
He bought a couch from the Salvation Army
Got some milk crates and cardboard which he made into a coffee table
Had a couple of crates over, so he made a stand for the TV and video
A wire coat hanger as his TV aerial
The reception was terrible a few days each month
So bought a satellite dish and fixed to his mother’s naval
Then he got a plumber in to put and end to those constant leaks
Life was finally grand for Jack living in the womb
Bought a set of wind chines
And hung them down on his mother’s Virginal lips
Life was pretty sweet living in a uterus
Tragedy struck after twenty years of bliss
His home was condemned
His mother was dead, deceased
He was thrown out on the street
He didn’t know what to do
But in those desperate hours one AM to three
A light bulb flashed above his head
He’d begin to search of a woman that was just like his mum
And when the time was right after all the romancing and lying
He’d get her drunk and drugged
And before she’d know it he’d move into her c
After months and months he found his candidate
One Jill Renault of no fixed steady date
He wined her and he dined her
Then they both went back to her place
Where they continued to drink
At one point when she turn her back
He dropped capsule into her drink
Laughing and kiss her he waited for the drug to take effect
Everything became a blur and he fell asleep
In morning he woke up alone in the bed
No signs of Jill
But his head was sore and his temples were aching
He went and looked at himself in the bathroom mirror
It was then that he saw a huge hole above his brows
With a sign attached with words written in big bold red print
Trespassers will be prosecuted
Post no bills or junk mail
With a P.S. at the end
Quit that snoring Jack or I’ll get the concreters in
From Jill living in your head
That’s how it ended up
Jack hasn’t even his own memories now
Though he did find the woman that could fulfill his dreams
But Jill the one living in Jack
And Jacks not living at all