Wondering

I’ve thought about this for awhile… ever been totally happy one second then bam… all you can do is stare of blank minded?
I do it all the time… people call me depressed or suicidal… my friend told me once… just pretend to be happy. I can’t. I can’t make myself act happy. I cant wake up without that thought of dread what the hell kind of torment am i going to be shoved into today. Why is it that everyone wants you to be fucking happy? Why do you have to smile? why do you have to wake up?…
Encouraging someone to fail… telling your friends lies to make them feel better…. telling yourself lies to have a little courage. It all seems so pointless to try and keep up with the web you’ve spun for yourself…
I dont think anyone actually just says everything and anything that comes to mind. I miss the whole childhood scene where it didnt matter as much about material things.
I mean people die everyday, some are mourned other are just part of the statistic.
Simply put…
Why go through the daily facade?